NEW YEARS TORRENT OF UNREALISTIC GOALS AND FALSE PROMISES TO SELF
2009
I am tired of sensible resolutions.... Let's face it, I did not lose 145lbs last year or stash away $275,000 in emergency funds ala Suze Orman ...my great American novel goes unwritten and my jazz-fusion guitar showcase is as of yet unrecorded...alas I did not swim with dolphins or climb any mountains....even my plan to organize my closet totally failed in 2008--- and I am out $124,453.37 in hangers and shelving...let's take another approach....
 
I am not gonna make my appearance on AMERICA'S BIGGEST LOSER, be ridiculed..celebrated on TMZ  or get a decent VH1 reality program unless I make some drastic changes....a few ideas off the top of my head:

-More snack-cake foods---Sarah-Lee you are looking good honey...let's make 2009 the year we GET IT ON!

-Really how bad could crack be? Steven Adler didn't make his reality show come-back w..o a good dose of pharmaceutical poisons.

-I gave up Coca-Cola a few years ago--really there's no drama in it---but I bet if I got into a 5th of Jack a day, things be popp'n!
 
So yes, I plan 2009 to be the year I embark on a total downward spiral into gluttony-druggery-and alcoholism....the bright light being in 2010...or 2011...or maybe even 2012 I can make my Mickey Rourke..Danny Bonaduce..Marie Osmond-like comeback!!!