I can't believe I'm doing this.

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Oh my GODs, before ECW is actually Leprechaun 3, and with 3 minutes left to the show it all comes down to a pot of gold? Is this the one where they go to Space, or the Hood?

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Finlay and his Stupid Midget are walking, they pass by Teddy Long in a Stupid Irish Hat, and the midget disappears. Before we can be offended by the overpowering stupidity of the leprechaun, we get the opening song which HASN'T CHANGED since I had to review this show, and OMFG'SZS IT STIL SUX'ZORSZS!!1!!ONE!!

TV-PG-V, ECWWE-HD, LIVE-ish from San Antonio, hosted by Grish and Stryke.

CHRISTIAN (Cage?) & MVP (w/o inflatable entrance prop) vs. (WWE U.S. Champion) "the Gold Standard" SHELTON BENJAMIN & MARK HENRY (w/un-announced Tony Atlas). Benji and MVP start, & get the necessary wrasslin' out of the way. Montel proves himself to be better than I thought with a swank-ass hiptoss (it doesn't take much to impress me, especially when I haven't watched this show in almost a year). MVP gets sent to the heel corner, Henry steals a headbutt while Mr. VP is tied up, and Benji gets a two-count from that while we GO TO COMMERCIAL?!?

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We're back! And Mark Henry has MVP in a bearhug! How exciting. Benji comes in, suplexes MVP and goes right to a resthold. When did Shelton's tattoo get so huge? He keeps the control on until he goes for the "jump-liner," as I like to call it, but he gets tossed in a sort of back body drop/overhead belly-to-belly thing. Christian tags in and gets a reverse DDT for 2. Xtian gets that cool-as-fuck springboard sunset flip, that cool-as-fuck rope reversal kick, and a tornado DDT. Christian and MVP go outside to pull Mark Henry out'tha ring, Tony Atlas distracts Mr. Cage once he's back in, Benji hits the Paydirt (thanks for correcting me on that "Jumpliner" call!) and that'll be three.
Benji pins Christian -> Paydirt, *1/4

THE AWEXOMEST THING... Mark Henry had minimal involvement, and actually served somewhat of a purpose!
THE UN-AWEXOMEST THING... Would it kill them to let the match go a little longer, especially if they're going to have it go through two segments?

HEY NOW, here's another 12 Rounds promo. Color me bored.

Finlay keeps looking for his lost midget, and WHO exactly is this dancing idjit? I'm sorry, I haven't watched this show in quite some time. Before I can be bothered to absorb what the announcers call him, I'm distracted by OH-SHIT-MATT-SYDAL-RETURNS-FROM-INJURY-NEXT!!!

--- (WMXX flashback... yeah, Eddie won. Cena won in the opening match, yeah... WHERE'S BENOIT?!? C'mon, y'all, he's in your Encyclopedia!)

JAIME NOBLE (already in-ring, & therefore the loser) vs. EVAN "Matt {Air} Sydal" BOURNE. Noble out-cools Matty to start, then Sydal gets a leg lariat. Fancy rollup that Jaime kicks out of, Bourne goes to an armbar, then Noble FUCKS him up with some stiff shots. He goes to a camel clutch, Evan strikes out & gets a 'rana, some fancy kicks and a standing moonsault. Shooting star press, and that'll be all.
Bourne pins Noble -> SSP. *3/4

THE AWESOMEST THING... Short, but entertaining. It was good to see Sydal back, and I think I'll finally relent and start calling him by his "slave name" now. Expect a few slip-ups, though.
THE UN-AWEXOMEST THING... Are they ever going to let Jaime Noble matter? Maybe he should put the mask back on and be Jaime-san.

Backstage, the Stupid Midget throws corned beef & cabbage on Katie Lea, who I don't think is as attractive as the rest of the IWC does. Finlay finds his "son," the British lady looks pissed, commercial.

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DIDJA KNOW?!? SmackDown! 500th episode, quicker than anything, blahblahblah. Let's talk every possible accomplishment up, so we seem LEGIT~!

"ECW" Champion Jack SWAGGA gets an introduction for a not-in-ring-just-on-entrance-stage promo, and he seems to be over as a heel. I've got to give him that. He puts over his "2X-2X-All-American-American" catchphrase, and... uhh, that's it? I've seen two matches featuring this man, and I was more impressed by Christian than anything he did.

Teddy Long chats backstage with his chick whose name I can't be bothered to try and remember OR look up, and he's joined by Paul Burchill and Katie Lea. They've pretty much forgotten about that Cruel Intentions thing, haven't they? The English folk complain about the Irish food that was thrown at them, and Teddy suggests they meet Finlay in the ring. Oh, and TONIGHT! DIRT SHEET!

--- (Goddamnit, I hate Nic Cage almost as much as I hate Vickie Guerrero. Neither of them seems to ever get any better, no matter how long they continue wasting oxygen.)

PAUL BURCHILL (w/Katie Lea, in-ring... this doesn't bode well) vs. (Fit?) FINLAY (w/his stupid midget). Lockup to start, Finlay PWNS Burchill with a stiff clothesline, then hits my favorite move in all of wrestling (the dragon sleeper -> backbreaker Christian used to do, a.k.a. "the Seizure Salad") for two. Hornswaggle jumps on the announce table for some reason, then Burchill gets backdropped out of the ring. He gets control of the match, uses some basic strikes and a sleeper, then Fin breaks out with the Stunner-like jawbreaker reversal. Burchill gets the fuck beaten out of him, eats an Irish Earthquake splash, then falls flat on his arse while attempting the jumping reverse neckbreaker. Celtic Cross (which Matt Stryker also calls an Emerald Fusion!), and we're done.
Finlay pins Burchill -> Celtic Cross. **

THE AWEXOMEST THING... I'm torn between the Earthquake splash and the Seizure Salad.
THE UN-AWEXOMEST THING... Do I even need to complain about the midget? Yeah, whatever, it's for the kids, I don't care.

--- (After they completely screwed the great build of the Jericho match, Untertaker/HBK may very well be the only Wrestlemania match I have any interest in.)

DIRT SHEET TIME! Main Event Interview, yeah. Miz and Morrisson are in the ring with the Bella Twins, there's some confusion over which is which... and I get a phone call from my friend Andrew telling me the card for the Ring of Honor show this Saturday that we'll be attending. Sorry, that sounds more important right now.

RoH World title: Nigel McGuinness (c.) vs. KENTA
RoH Tag titles, no DQ: Kel Steenerico (c.) vs. the American Wolves
Elimination tag: Jimmy Jacobs, Austin Aries, & Brodie Lee vs. Tyler Black, Necro Butcher & Delirious
Bryan Danielson & ??? vs. Bison Smith & ???
Brent Albright vs. Claudio Castagnoli
Jerry Lynn vs. Mike Quackenbush
Jay Briscoe vs. D'Lo Brown
Roderick Strong & Erick Stevens vs. Kenny King & Rhett Titus
Bobby Dempsey vs. ??? (whoever it is will be the most over heel in the building for five minutes)

FUCK YEAH, D'Lo! Oh, yeah... the show I'm watching. The Colon brothers interrupt the Dirt Sheet, there's some promo flashbacks, an apple gets spat at a Twin (he's still on that apple kick?), and a scuffle is halted. I'm glad I wasn't listening. End of show.

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Not the worst show to start watching again on, mostly because it was an hour & I was drinking. I saw that Xtian/SWAGGA rematch from a few weeks ago online, and I wish they'd have at least ONE match that length every week. Oh, well. Peace oot.