Wow... haven't posted a movie review in forever and a half. To make up for that, here's three!

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Drag Me to Hell - 8.75/10.0. Awesome, awesome, AWESOME. Being a big Sam Raimi fan, I was psyched to see him go back to his horror roots after the cinematic abortion that was Spider-Man 3. The movie critic blurbs in the TV spots filled me with alot of hope, but before I get into the film itself I have to say my piece about this particular filmgoing experience.

Me, Andrew, Kelli & milli (who'd already seen the movie with his brothers) went to the South Bay Cinemas in Babylon, which is probably the only place left in the state where you can see a full price flick for under ten dollars. Unfortunately, this little sliver of awesome was undone by the fact that, on a Friday at 8:00 PM, the PG-13 Drag Me to Hell was chock full of what looked to be 13 year olds. Not since I saw the first Pokemon movie have I felt so much older than the rest of my fellow patrons (I towered over everyone else on the snack line by at least 3/4 of a foot), and only once before have I come closer than this night to striking a child. Fuck, the kids at the Pokemon movie so many years ago were better behaved than these juvenile delinquents.

I strolled into the theater and sat down with my giant bag of Skittles, and it was like the movie never even started. Ninety percent of the crowd was talking at full conversational volume, actually managing to drown out the sound of the film... which must've been tough, as this is one loud effing horror movie. No matter how many times someone screamed for these dumb little kids to shut their traps, no matter how many times theater employees walked in and gave the crowd a stink-eye from the front of the theater, nobody would SHUT THE FUCK UP. They weren't even talking about the movie, it seemed. milli got up to complain twice or thrice before we all resolved to finally leave, but what were the employees to do? They couldn't kick out a theater full of people. The final straw was some Ryan Sheckler lookin' prick in the row directly ahead of us dropping what sounded like five dollars in change on the floor, which caused us all to laugh and just give up. This was about thirty, forty minutes into the picture.

We all left, talked to the manager and he let us come back with our 8:00 stubs for the 10:15 showing... which was signifigantly less crowded. By about a million percent. The first try was almost a fully packed house. We walked out, griped outside while making some plans to kill time, went to Looney Tunes and Taco Bell, met up with John "Joggernaut" Ryan, and came back to enjoy the movie for the first-and-a-halfth time (2 1/2 for milli). So, kids? In case you're reading this? I had sex with all your mothers. And I know you're not my kids, 'cause I punched all your moms in the gut afterwards. Run backwards through a field of dicks, you fucking social retards.

SO, THE MOVIE! For those that don't know - this girl pisses off an elderly gypsy woman when she refuses her a bank loan to save her house, & the gypsy puts a curse on her that consists of three days mindfucking until she is, as the title would suggest, dragged to Hell. We see the same happen to a little Spanish boy in the 60s at the very beginning of the film, although it's the final stages we walk in on. With the three day time frame known, the rest of the film is spent trying to get you to care about the girl and her boyfriend (Alison Lohman & Justin Long) without beating plot points into your head (such as the fact that the girl is from some farm in the South, used to be fat and hates herself).

Imagine if Evil Dead was made for alot more money, or if Evil Dead 2 was made for more money and was slightly less comedic. That's the tone of this film... which is a-okay by me. Legitimately scary and disgusting at times (one girl in the theater shrieked at the top of her lungs after one big startle), Drag Me to Hell gets away with alot for being PG-13. While it can be a little schlocky and predictable at other times, it's never so predictable that it still can't throw a mini-twist your way every now and again. High reccomendation.

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Special - 9.0/10.0. A completely random movie seen on Netflix reccomended by one of Hash Brown Monsen's college friends, this is a somewhat recent film (2006, I believe) that is undeservedly under everyone's radar it would seem. Starring Michael Rappaport (known for some terrible sitcom, I've heard... I know him mainly from the sweet-ass movie Comic Book Villains) as a downtrodden parking enforcement officer, the next biggest star is Josh Peck (of Nickelodeon's Drake & Josh) in a minor role as one of his comic store buddies. There are a couple "Hey, it's That Guy!" actors, but that's about it.

Anyhow, Rappaport signs up for this experimental new drug meant to relieve depression, with the unexpected side effect being that he begins to exhibit signs of superpowers. Flight, telepathy, teleportation, the works. He stops a robbery at his local convenience store, feels like he's on top of the world... then we learn that his "powers" are all in his head and he's actually just ratshit-batshit-apeshit-crazy-go-nuts. The first work from a pair of complete unknown filmmakers, this one jumps along at breakneck speed and it engaging as all hell throughout. A realistic take on the superhero genre (I guess?), this is one of those movies that I'm pissed I didn't think of myself... especially because it seems to have been shot for very little money. Still, it accomplishes a hell of a lot with so little - VERY high reccomendation.

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Fanboys - 5.75/10.0. I'd been aware of this film for a while, and being a huge Star Wars nerd myself I knew I had to see it eventually. Again, gosh bless Netflix. It's got a fairly simple, straightforward premise - it's 1998, & one friend from a group of four that's drifted apart since high school learns he's dying of cancer. They're all big Star Wars geeks, so they decide to drive from Ohio to California to break into George Lucas' ranch & steal an early cut of Episode I (a.k.a. "the Phantom Menace" ...we should've known Lucas stopped trying right then and there). Eventually joined by Kristen "Sarah Marshall" Bell (who inexplicably works at a comic store with two of the friends - NO girl that hot would even know where to find a comic shop in my experience, much less work there), it's your standard juvenile dick & fart joke comedy for the most part, and chock full of nerdy references to the Star Wars movies. They even have a running gag of the rivalry between the Wars & Trek.

Where the movie fails every now and again due to its' paint-by-numbers approach to jokes, the real winning aspect is the billions of cameos - SW alums Carrie "Leia" Fischer, Billy Dee "Lando" Williams, Ray "Darth Maul" Park as well as folks like Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson... hell, Seth Rogen plays three roles and even gets into a fist fight with himself at one point. The whole affair progresses as you probably think it would, although I do have to give it props for the final line of dialogue... I don't feel I'm spoiling too much by saying that, while sitting in the theater on opening day, the kid who played the drummer in Detroit Rock City looks at his friends and asks "What if this movie sucks?"

Being a fanboy myself, I really enjoyed it. Can't promise you will, though. There's alot for you there if you're a nerd of similar tastes, though... or, if you'd like to see Kristen Bell pressing ham and dressed in a Princess Leia golden slave bikini. Mild reccomendation.

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Alrighty then, that does it for this batch of movie reviews. See you next time I feel like writing about a bunch of films at once, which will likely be another six months to a year from now.

Peace n' carrots.