Hiker's Paradise, Gorham NH to Dad's House in Philly

I woke up thinking I might try to get a ride back up to the top of Mt Washington but it looked like it was going to be too much of a pain in the rear.  I called my Dad while eating the "hiker special" to discuss options.  He surprised me, saying he could be there in 10 hours, so I gave in and said, "OK, come and Get me.  I'm ready to come home."

This trip has by far been the hardest achievement I've ever attempted in my life.  I knew when I began that it would be rough; but, I really had no idea what I was in for.  It goes without saying that I experienced a truly unique adventure.  I have met diverse and deliberate people who treat the trail with respect and awe.  I walked a thousand miles, up mountains and through valleys of mud-slick rocks and roots and streets through both rural communities, remote wilderness and heavily populated National Parks in the last three months.  I faced the surety of defeat almost from the beginning of my trip, knowing I would not be able to realize my dream and complete the entire trail; striving regardless, even when my brothers left me for reasons that angered and saddened me at the time.  I spent an unhealthy amount of time in constant dialogue with myself and became even more acquainted with character flaws and attributes I was already familiar with.  I'm not sure if this even served a purpose.  Self Knowledge seems so trivial in the bigger scheme of life.  It seems to only obscure God's Will which I admit is still unfathomable to me; although, I hope my travails will serve us both in the future.  I am beginning to know nothing.  I gained a level of fitness that I am both proud of and fearful to lose.  I know it will be hard to motivate myself to maintain a regimen that will keep my physical being in this kind of shape and I will surely lament its decline.  Acceptance.  My body is damaged and broken in places and probably will be for months before I can use my legs and feet normally again.  I'll need surgery to fix my hernia and my financial situation is dire.  I'm not really worried though.  I have spent the last few years in a program that emphasizes Acceptance and I have grown in unbelievable ways.  Despite the peace I feel from accepting that my trail is at its end for this year, I cannot ignore the visceral feelings of guilt, loss and unease at not having gone further or longer.  I catch myself glancing upward at the surrounding mountains as if I might grab my pack and do another twenty miles; continue on and tell my family I'm going further.  I know the next year's thoughts will be full of deliberation concerning completion and or closure on this Appalachian Trail.  For the fifteenth time this morning, I resign myself to go down to the Laundromat and scrub my clothing and gear so that it won't contaminate Mike's car when they come to pick me up.  I wish they were here already.  I continue to glance at the mountains I have left to climb, alternating between humility and resentment.  I have learned that you cannot feel both at the same time; however, they can relentlessly switch back and forth; some kind of emotional strobe light, flickering jitters in my soul.  Ahhhhhh Acceptance…  When will you come?