its rougly 11:09, depending on when i get this done. so i'm starting this at 11:09, its like one of those lame bulletins thats like "time started" and "time ended."

i'll probably do that.

so its tuesday night, its raining and lightening. i love when it rains at night. its not like i'd be doing anything at night that is hindered by the whether, so i say LET IT RAIN!
i turned in an application today at kawasaki. i hope i get the job. honestly i don't. but i do so people get off my back about it, because in truth i hate working, i hate being on someone elses clock, i hate having to meet someone's standards.

i like skateboarding. i wish i could make it doing that, i wish i got paid to film. or to make clothes. i wish i had more of a drive to make clothes. i have clothes to make and they're not made. they're just uncut fabric in a bag. as if they're waiting for a muse. i'm that muse. i will help it become something more than it is. but i'm too lazy to do anything about it.

i wish i had someone like the person that i just described for my life (but not lazy). i wish that the world wasn't so hard to get by in. i wish i wish i wish i wish. thats all i ever have. wishes. i rarely do anything to actualize them.

i need to leave i need to grow i need to blah blah blah.

i need to make things happen.
period.

now is as good of a time as any.

wish me luck.



ps. it is now 11:18