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Monday, January 14, 2008
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I have closed my blogsport page, but I thought I would post a bunch here. I plan on re-vamping this page soon, so I thought I would remove the clutter. I am very proud of some of these odd nuggets of joy. Savor. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------poems from a crazy man.......
One day when I go on a llama killing spree and get caught,my lawyer will say i'm clinically insane and read these poems to the jury...and it will work.the jury will let me go free.Watch out llamas---i'm comin' for ya.(these "poems" are meant to be randomly funny)
AISLE 5 by Kevin Conn
caramel apple
SUCK ON IT
THROW AWAY THE STICK
the stick is poison
im not
please know this
i am so minty fresh
i just want to go away
far away
a place that has air
write the word ''hell'' on my face in perminate marker
smell it
i get you high
you get me high
we are floating above
in never never land
never? never.
never,never? never,period.
tap the keyboard,it feels painful
i dont like the pain
theres blood in my cereal.
box.
such a funny word
did i leave my slippers in the toaster
so many questions
so many answers in greek
i have ants in my pants
and away we go..........
THE RADIO IS TALKING TO ME by Kevin Conn
burnt popcorn
not so buttery sweet
dry,parched
quack! quack! quack!
a man gives birth
so backwards yet beautiful
"return this letter with the enclosed envelope provided
so OUR address appears in the window"
so true
fried chicken tastes good
suck on the bones
get the flavor
GATORADE!
baa! baa! baa!
when dogs bark are they crying out to say
i am not a dog!
i am not a machine!
i am not a book!
I am GOD spelled backwards!
and THAT is what life is all about.
THE LETTER Q IS A DICK by Kevin Conn
talk to me
i cant hear you.
im waiting.
why wont you say anything.
say something.
hello?
no,no,no time to wait.
they pumped me with there penis called drugs and they filled me up!
dressed as monkeys and goats.they shot band aids.
they keep watching me--my parents,or as i now call them,sperm swapers!
they only want me alive to take my money that i stole from a purse.
all they care about is my money,and my tits.
cant you see the peppermint?
it swirls right there!
my finger nails are made with egg shells
and my heart is yolk.
what is talking anyway?
no,dont talk,talking is for scissors,cut the paper!
cut the paper!
they cant take away your stapler!
i miss you like an empty pen misses ink.
goats are coming,gotta go! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ starbucks is da debil Going to the other side of the street can be a barrier," said Launi Skinner, senior vice president in charge of Starbucks' store development,explaining the reason why Starbucks plans to open a store on every corner of major cities.
I'd write more,but I haven't had any caffine in me today,so i'm pretty tired. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am hoping that,by me writing this,I will wake up.We all have had days like this.We don't get enough sleep in the night,and no matter how much caffene we drink,it does nothing."There aren't enough hours in the day"--that's somewhat true,but the reason we don't get our "work" done is our own doing.It's a vicious cycle.We work 40-60 hours a week,and then with our free time all we do is rush around doing the chores we couldn't do during the week,then we go right back into a week without a break,so then you decide,this week let's do the weekend chores during the week!Great idea,until you realize you are running around consistantly,staying up late,and then by the time the weekend comes,you are exausted.The funny thing is this,in other countries,they laugh at this,because a lot of countries work even more than us.This isn't a woe is me blog,this is a point to this babble.
STOP. It's unrealistic,I know,but I just wish as a whole,we would all just stop and realize that by us running around with our heads chopped off for things that we really deep down don't care about.Look around,and see what you have,and know that,yes,you could do better,but still take it in.Take in all the good things you have,we all have and know that we are not on this world to work ourselves to death just for "stuff" we cannot take with us when we pass on.Breathe in your life.Damn,this didn't work---i'm still tired :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A new slang word for the ladies no-no spot the new term is---mcgriddles."Damn,girl i'd like to have some of your mcgriddle." bada badada...im lovin' it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Insomnia Insomnia sucks.I mean it's cool to say insomnia--it makes you sound smart.
me-"I think I have insomnia."
girl(sexy voice)-"Oooo,are you a doctor?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Arts If there's one message you take from me it's this--the arts are dying--music,art,tv,movies.Schools are cutting back on funding and that's sad because art is everywhere.Art is what makes this world sane.And there's so much left to be explored.So much more creative ideas ready to happen.
You know what doesn't have anymore creative ideas--porn.Boy they have just shot there load.They've done it all.There 's nothing left.they've done morbid,creepy,midgets,p.o.v.,she-males,animals,anime,submissive,dominatrix,ect.Every color doing everyone else in every part imaginable.Nothing left to make---except "sad" porn.Sometimes you catch a gilmpse of it in a homemade porn dvd.You know, the guy is and girl(s) are making out in some hotel and the girl looks uncomfortable.Take it further.When the guy is goin down on her,midway thru have her start crying.Sobbing uncontrollably confessing to this man like he's a preacher.They'd call it "I'm only doing this so that I can go to nursing school.....vol 12" That's one idea,and another is for pornos not to do porn.Call it NOPORNO.Here's a scene.
It's in some bar,there's a guy and a girl the guy goes over to the girl looking confidant.
Guy-"Hey baby,wanna go back to my pl--"
Girl-"No"
Movies done.2 minutes long.That's it.Real life. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the most serious poem ever written This piece is very close to my heart.When you deal with personal demons,it physically drains you,but by facing your demons you see an answer--a light.One night,a few years ago,I reached my lowest of lows.That night I wrote this piece.I hope you enjoy it.Whew,sorry(cough)gettin' a little emotional here.Anyway the piece is entitled--"Please don't ever let my life get so bad that I have sex with a blow up doll".(sob)okay,uh,here we go(ahem)...................................................
Please don't ever let my life get so bad that I have sex with a blow up doll.....WHEW! I did it,thank you,thank you.That's it,hope you liked it.A great man once said-"I don't know about you,but I face my demons with the power of poetry!" That great man? Me........but replace the word poetry with booze. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CONN's new language I am trying to create a new language.Basically you take old lines from movies/tv/songs and turn them into another meaning.This is what I have so far...
from Highlander-"there can be only one"(means-i love you)
from the greatest american hero theme-"believe it or not i'm walking on air"(i'm drunk or high)
from star wars-"may the force be with you"(fuck you!)
from james bond-"shakin not stirred"(i have diarrhea)
from the waltons-" 'night john boy"(i'm gay)
from the x-files-"the truth is out there"(the check is in the mail)
and my favorite and the one that started it all
from indiana jones and the temple of doom-"no time for love dr. jones"(i'm busy) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh shandace I wrote a song about an ex-girlfriend.Her name was shandice. Feel free to croon this puppy at a party.
Let me make one thing clear tho,I am not a songwriter....I am a writer of songs.
it's called oh shandice
(simple guitar strumming)
oh shadice....
oh shadice....
oh shadice....
oh shadice......
why couldn't your name ryme with other words?
thank you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- april 4th 2006)
I had a really shitty show this past friday.Looking back,I pretty much did great with the first 3 jokes,blew the next joke,which sucked since it's a favorite of mine,then the last 2 jokes i sputtered out.What irks me is that it was an "agent show",meaning when it counted--I failed.That being said,it was a learning experience and what i've learned is I need to do the dreaded open mics more often.A friend of mine said "not every show has to be great"--yes they do.When you are trying to show the world that this is what you want to do with the rest of your life--every show has to be great.I think most performers(music,comics,actors) would agree.I've gotten better, but for a few days I was ina rut.My girl tried to cheer me up,my friends tried to as well.Some great things were said to me,so thanks--------------------Jen,Joe,Ben,Kelley,John,Jessica,and anyone else I can't think of--I have the brain of a goldfish.
You ever have those days when you question everything you have or want in your life? You look around and see others ahead of you and you wonder--how the fuck did they do it? Many years ago I wrote a play called "Standing Still in a Moving Place"--the story tells of a man stuck by his own will.He is afraid to try,so he fails.That was me,in some ways it's still me.The point is this,I believe all of of us are scared.I know pretty deep right? Don't get me wrong,I figured that out a long time ago.The human ego is a bastard,we are all so afriad of so many things and yet are too "proud" to admit it.We are told that failure is weak,but how else can we learn from our past mistakes?And because we are scared so many of us give up on our dreams.Dreams are not safe.Not all dreams come true.So that is why so many give in and just buy "stuff" A flatscreen tv won't tell say that you are a failure--well, not these models, apparently the 2008 models will "talk" to it's owner.A new dvd will fill that void--but only for a short while.So then you have to buy more dvd's or cd's,but then that stuff becomes obsolete,so you have to buy the newer stuff.This goes on for most people,for pretty much there whole lives,and they continue to be sad and wonder why? God gave everyone of us a gift,and whatever that may be we should use it to it's fullest.I may be down,but i'm not out.I never will be.I CAN'T. My dream is to make people laugh,on a stage,for the rest of my life.And one day,that will happen.It may not be tomorrow or next year,but it's coming.I can feel it--wait, that's my penis. Keep your dreams alive,it's what make us human.Never let anyone or anything drag you down.Don't wait for others to help you out,do it on your own and prove to the world that dreams can come true.
Someone's gonna give you wings
And you'll think it's what you need
And you'll fly
You'll be so high
"But you're history acts as your gravity
Your history acts as your gravity
Acts as your history acts as your gravity"
-Joseph Arthur "History" from the album "Come to where i'm from" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SINGER NEIL DIAMOND OD'S ON "KANDY KAKES"
(AP)WEST NEW YORK-LEGENDARY ROCKER AND SOMETIMES BUS DRIVER NEIL DIAMOND MADE AN APPEARANCE AT A BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION ON SUNDAY April.7TH 2006.WHILE THE SET WAS SHORT NEIL DAZZLED THE"DIAMONDITES"(FANS) PERFORMING FOR A HEARTY 12 MINUTE SET HE ROCKED THE CROWD WITH SUCH HITS AS "CRACKLIN ROSE","SWEET CAROLINE" AND "BUBLUMFUB" SADLY LATER THAT EVENING MR. DIAMOND OD'D ON A HERION LACED MINT CANDY KNOWN AS KANDY KAKES.REPORTS ARE COMING IN FROM THE BEST WESTERN THAT THE PERFORMER WAS STAYING AT,THAT THE SINGER-SONGWRITER APPARENTLY AFTER CRYING LOUDLY FOR 2 HOURS HE BEGAN WATCHING THE "GILMORE GIRLS". "HE BEGAN SCREAMING AT THE TV,I BELIEVE,"REPORTS BELLHOP LUIS-ESTRADA-DENARO-SMITH, "SAYING STUFF LIKE--"YOU CANT TAKE MY SUGAR COOKIES!"AND "I KNOW HOW TO TYPE--DONT YOU DARE ACUSE ME OF NOT KNOWING HOW TO DO THAT!"--VERY SAD."HE THEN RAN OUT OF HIS ROOM,PANTLESS AND WENT TO THE LOBBY GIFT SHOP WHERE HE PICKED UP EVERY PACKAGE OF KANDY KAKES.WHEN THE CLERK, PHILLIP MANCHESTER-WATERHOUSE, ASKED FOR THE MONEY FOR THE CANDY NEIL DIAMOND RESPONDED--"HE SAID--"TELL YA WHAT I'LL WRITE YOU A SONG" HE THEN BEGAN SCRIBBLING ON A NAPKIN--IT REALLY WASNT A SONG...I DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS PERHAPS A GROCERY LIST WRITTEN IN KLINGON."
HERE NOW IS THE SONG HE "WROTE"-
BEETLETITS
HEY LOOKIE THERE THERS A POOP MONSTER SCREAMIN IN YOUR EAR
BUT ONE DAY YOURVE GOT TA DECIDE IF YOUR A DEER
BECAUSE PEARS ARE GOOD BUT SO ARE TITS
MMMMM CHOCOLATE
MMMM CHOCOLATE HEROIN
PICK UP DRY CLEANING
WHOS THERE?! FREEEDSLISSELEBURG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHORTLY THERE AFTER NEIL WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS HOTEL ROOM COVERED IN SOMEONE ELSES FECES. WRITTEN ON THE BATHROOM MIRROR WITH LIPSTICK WAS SIMPLY THE WORD-MIRROR....FOLLOWED WITH A QUESTION MARK. FUNERAL SERVICES WONT BE HELD BECAUSE SHORTLY BEFORE THIS STORY WENT TO PRESS WE FOUND OUT HE WAS JUST IN A REALLY DEEP SLEEP.MR. DIAMOND IS CURRENTLY STAYING AT CEDAR-PITTS MEMORIAL HOSPITAL AND IS IN GOOD SPIRTS ASKING FOR LOTS OF JELLO.
-associated press writer Ann Postit- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AP- September 30th 1998
GAY PORN IS POPULAR AGAIN THANKS TO ONE MAN
(Somewhere in NYC) Kevin Conn doesn't like to talk about his films."I think they speak for themselves",he says from his Manhattan apartment,"they truely are beautiful pieces of art." Kevin Conn (or as he is known in the world of porn-Kevin Condom-"I play it safe!") is ofcourse talking about his newest film "Chugmuffins"-a story about a pizza delivery drivers' world turning upside down--literally.The film also stars Harry Pekar and Billy Sexpot. "I feel this film will be accepted in the mainstream world as the first truthful tale of what most delivery drivers go through--other than the sex.The passion of the pizza,the smells of the chinese food,it's all explored in this film."We are opening on 2 screens on the east coast,3 if you count my mom's basement.We want this film to get more exposure than say,my last few films--"Minty mouth","Bobby the Vampire f*cker" or even my breakthrough hit "Stove top STUFF-in"
So what lies ahead for this superstar of the world of porn? "I'm investing all my money into the VHS market, some crackpot came to me reciently wanted me to sign my films over to a new format called DVD?--What's that about? It'll fade away,VHS is here to stay,you can put that on my tombstone!",nods Kevin."I also have a dream,that I feel kinda embarrassed to talk about but I would love to try stand up comedy" ------Liz Johnson---Assocated Press
AND SO A NEW PATH WAS WALKED AND EVER SINCE KEVIN CONDOM HAS REMAINED DORMANT,NEVER TO SEEN AGAIN.............thank god. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Talents
I can tame a wild boar with the snap of my fingers. I can eat 100 pieces of sushi and not get sick. I do voices.I hear voices. I am the worlds greatest 1 ball juggler. Some may say i'm a hitman,but I killed those people. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- G to the O to the D Wanna hear the one sentence God says the most during the day?
"No,no,I didn't mean it like that....geez,they're always misquoting me down there."
Everytime you hate someone because of theer race or sexual preference,you are actually saying-"God is an idiot." Why did God put all different people down here if he didn't want them to be here.If God is all-powerful,couldn't he just make them all dissapear? What,do you think everytime a (insert religious person here) does something crazy,God's up there going"Ohh,why did I ever create your type of people?!?!"If God didn't want gay or interracial sex to happen,an invisible barrier would come up between the ass and dick
BAMPF. BAMPF. "What the hell,my penis isn't goin in yer hole?!?"
But guess what?That doesn't happen.Look i'm not saying I know God(but i'm pretty sure I saw him at a red lobster once)but no matter how many versions of the bible comes out neither do these hate filled redneck inbred religious zealot assholes,who don't have an original thought in there heads,so they have to quote the work of a book,stupid mother fuckers!---------ofcourse what do I know,I thought I could become The Beastmaster by saying "caw! caw!" to every bird I see......Marc Singer rules!
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I wish my dad was Hulk Hogan.That way we could say our prayers together.Plus eat our vitamins together as well.He would take me on the road and I would watch him battle evil men like that russian dude or that iraq dude or maybe he'd fight a clown.The point is i would be there with my dad.He would always give me sound advice,and I'd know it was good advice because he would always start it with-"let me tell you somethin' brotha" I would go to the gym with him and learn how to work out properly.Man it would be great.Plus he would buy all of my prostitutes.To have Hulk Hogan as a dad would be perfect.................................Him, or Mr. T.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my brother is Flash Gordon.I hate him. He is always saving the world and gettin the ladies...............Im going to steal his theme music.Yeah,that'll show -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- about me
I was born as a girl named Kevina.I had a rough childhood.From the ages of 0 to 8 I didn't have the ability to blow my nose.I only spoke french,ancient french to be precise.At 11 I found the courage to give up drinking.Yet one addiction lead to another,however I am proud to say I am 6 months clean from eating or even looking at a raisinet. I FEAR LEATHER JACKETS........that is all for now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stoopid words and phrases
I believe the words---morals,values and extreme--should be stricken from our language.People use these words waaaay too much.Morals and values are 2 words usually used by religious nut jobs,who secretly masterbate late at night to porn while no one is looking.It's easier to hate people than to accept and what better way to get accross YOUR message is to bring God into it.Here's what I don't get--if God doesn't want us to these"morally wrong values"than why hasn't God done anything about it? There are basic right and wrong ideas instilled into us at an early age,it is the individuals own free will that makes there choices,we don't need a right wing southern bible thumper telling us what is right and wrong.I just realized i'm rambling.....I do believe that the word extreme is retarded--how can a happy meal be extreme?It's just a burger with fries and a crappy plastic toy made in Malaysia that some poor kid put together for 5 cents a day---actually that is pretty extreme. "New Welch's extreme grape juice is comin to get ya!!!!" How is grape juice extreme? Did you play heavy metal and scream when you were crushing the grapes?While we're on the subject of words and such I also think the sentence--"This is an outrage!" Should never be uttered in movies ever again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I like cheese........
....there i've said it.Whew,I feel much better.Ah,the power of cheese?.........no the power of BLOG! and now a random picture of My Little Pony ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a deep question How do you pity the fool,when the fool is you? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- march 15, 2007 - Thursday
life is like a vending machine.....
It's tough to choose between the wheat thins or the ruffles.Do I have enough money for the ho-hos?Those twinkies look stale,it's like they have been waiting for someone,anyone to like them and take them home with them.....to eat.And the whole time you are choosing between B3 or D5,the machine breaks and now your dead.
I always choose the milky way......:)
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March 16, 2007 - Friday
why i dont understand most religions.....
What im about to say may offend some,its not meant to.When i think of most religions(being a christian,catholic,jewish,buddist,or muslim,ect)i truly believe that they all have 1 common thing connecting them together--love and hope.Thats it.So why do we fight?I believe the word religion needs to be replaced with the phrase "my God,is better than your God".In college(yes,i went briefly)I read a lot of books on religion.I was a seeker then,i believe i still am.The point is,once again is,they had a lot of things in common.So what does religion mean to me?Religion is like when a soap opera actress is sick 1 episode,so a voice over comes over saying:the part of Laura will be played by Betty Bricker today.
The part of Budda will be played by Jesus today.
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March 27, 2007 - Tuesday
Myspace or Myspam?
Holy crap! Remember we were talking about that Victoria Secret gift card that not only makes your dick bigger,but gives you a free Iphone,which in turns allows you to stalk old lovers all the while giving you free ringtones!?!?!?! Well,it turns out to be real! All you have to do is go to this site www.killyourselfspamers.com !!!! It's so easy! Check it out! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Friday, November 23, 2007
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i
I just wanted to say........
Current mood: thankful
Thank you.
I don't know why,but i just had the urge to say that.I have sent this message to all of my friends and my family.I just wanted to let you all know,that while we may not speak regulary,it doesn't mean you aren't in my thoughts.All of you have made me feel very lucky to be here.Life feels like it will last forever,but sadly it does not.Yet,when life ends,it's sudden--"it's always sudden"So I decided that I would write this for you all.My thoughts and feelings flow better when i'm writing.I write this to remind us all,that this life we have flies by so fast,so incase any of you forget that you are loved,this is email is for you(i mean it,don't worry this isn't a spam email,saying nice things then telling you at the end that you and you're imaginary cat will die in a horrible potato factory accident if you don't send this to all of your friends.stoopid spam mail)Everyday,when I think life is slowing down,that I have time to take it all in-----chaos begins again.I write this email because of days like that.My idea of what life is,is the same way i feel about religion.
It is water running thru your hands.You cannot hold onto it.You cannot define it.It is yours and yours alone,and no one can take it away from you.It is something that no book or man can ever tell us what it truly is.It is the unknown---and that's okay.
I want you all to know how much each and every one of you means to me,and the same goes for others around you.This isn't meant to be depressing,it's just to show that i care...........It's kinda like a "just because" card from CVS. ;)
I have lost loved ones,I will lose more in my life,and it pains me to no end.Not because I don't believe that they are in a better place,but that this world can be a better place too and that maybe by telling people that are still here,that you care,it can be.
Each of us are here for a purpose.We are here to love.We are here to learn.We are here.
I wish you all have happiness. :) -Kevin Conn
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Friday, November 23, 2007
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Top 10 things you didn't know about Warwick Davis
1:Warwick Davis was not the first choice to play Wicket in "Return of the Jedi",the original actor Billy Manchesterwatahouse was found dead in a laundry mat,with a sheet wrapped around his neck and a note saying "little men bleed red too!"
2:Warwick Davis created the lint brush.He lives off the royalties.He only does the Leprechaun movies for "shits and giggles"
3:Warwick Davis has traveled into the future.In the year 2134 he proclaimed to be a God.From that moment on all religions are no more.They all practice Warwickism.
4:Warwick Davis gets "rowdy" after he has a few drinks in him.He has been seen ripping off a waitresses ears because he was hungry.What makes this even more scary:they were non-alcoholic drinks.
5:Warwick Davis belives the semicolon should be banished from all languages
6:Warwick Davis and Prince were tag team champions for 1 week in 1987.
7:Warwick Davis can move his arms really fast......which almost gives him the gift of flight.
8:Warwick Davis is actually the atomic number in chemistry,not the number 8.
9:Warwick Davis can actually go inside computers,and download himself into "World of Warcraft"
10:Warwick Davis claims he can communicate with pencils.
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July 12, 2007 - Thursday
I hate people who hate music
So I just got home from my umpteenth bus ride.Bottom line pubelick transportation sucks.I could go on and on about other shitty times,but I won't instead i'll go into what just happened.
Ipods.God's greatest gift to man since cereal.Ipods have a feature on them called"shuffle" songs.Guess what that does? If you guessed cook pasta,i'm sorry try again.So as many of you know,even tho the Ipod shuffles songs,sometimes it just senses what you like.Today,I liked metal.First up "the crue" with "Kickstart my Heart"--I defy anyone to think of a greater hair metal song.It has the greatest line ever! "Skydive naked from an air-o-plane!" Now that's poetry!Anyhee,then follows some Megadeath,Metallica,Queens of the Stone Age,and then Tool."AEnema" is my all time favorite metal song.At this point a "gentleman" 2 seats up and over to my left looks back at me with a rude look.I disregard him,and continue to listen to God known as Maynard James Keenan.The song passes,next up NIN"Burn".The Ipod is really feeding me metal---which is good, since it's high in fiber.He looks at me again and just stares.I stare back with the "wtf"look.Then finally Dream Theatre's song "Constant Motion" from the new album "Systematic Chaos"(this plug is brought to you in part by Darryl)starts to play.He then stands up and begins to yell at me to turn it down,& that im rude.Atleast that's what i think he's says,i can't hear him since i'm listening to a kick ass song.Instead,i begin to yell"What's that? What? I can't hear you 'cause i'm listening to some awesome music." He then turns and walks up to the front of the bus,and gets off at the next stop.Others gave me dirty looks but i gave them one big psychic fuck you by smiling and kept listening to some of the Gods of rock.So all that's left to say is:For those about to rock,we salute you!!!!!!!!!And for any of you who disagree--piss off ya wankers!! :)
- Kevin "devil horn's" Conn
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May 31, 2007 - Thursday
In the end,there can be only CONN!
Let me start with a warning,this blog is all over the place.This was me releasing my emotions in a rambling sort of way.
So here we are 6 months into the year,and it still sucks.Standing still in a moving place.That's me.I can't seem to move fast enough.I was reading an article,an interview with an old friend of mine Karey Dornetto.She and I were in a comedy troupe in North Carolina.I have bad memories there,but meeting her and my friend Justin was the only good thing to come out of that "experience"Anyhee the point is,she is a very talented comedian who has written for "South Park","Arrested Development" and other shows.She deserves all of the success that comes her way,I truly mean that.Her stand up is so original as well,check it out at kareydornetto.com.Okay,seriously here is the point.She has followed her dream to the fullest,and while I am happy for her,I get angry at myself.Here I am still working at a job I don't like,still overeating,still depressed everyday making my wife frustrated,still,standing still in a moving place.In the upcoming months a lot will be happening,tho.I will be taking pics for my website,and taping some shows and other things for the site.But it still seems like i'm still behind,like other are still so very far ahead.The reaction to the skeletor film was not what I had hoped.We have hardly sold the dvd's,plus the reaction has been okay,but nothing stellar.I've had other blogs get more hits and comments than the movie.Was it not as funny as I thought? Did I drag this out too long? Question after question fills my head.Now before we go any further,me questioning the films non-success has nothing to do with all the wonderful people involved.In fact,I was even afraid of writing the prevoius part,but these are the vicious thoughts running thru my head.
I'm depressed.Mish is depressed.We are not in a place we want to be.And every time we climb up,it feels like the mountain will never end.I have to stap caring tho.I need to stop getting angry at "worldly issues" Like how disgusted I felt reading about Bush telling people on Memorial Day that most of America feels that this war is justified.I feel sick that war activist Cindy Sheehan has given up because the Democrats have done nothing,and America continues to care more about who won a stupid fucking shit karaoke show,than there fellow man.And this story that I can't even begin to spew out the venom I felt when read this : http://mtvmovieawards.yahoo.com/news/polls/LCsdress/25690
We are becoming peasants to the rich.
Yet here I am giving up as well.I cant care anymore.And maybe thats why people become so cynical.I believe that not one soul on this planet is born evil.With time,we become who we are.Good or evil,yet most of us are a bit of both.All of us struggle,all of us conform in one way or the other,all of us are scared.Yet we are too stupid to admit that.We all lie,we all hate.To our friends,to our co-workers,to our family,even to God.Which don't even get me started on the whole "God "thing.Any of you fucks that hate another race becasuse of stereotypes or different beliefs--go fuck yourself.And wait....That's what I love about racism.You think you wont be next? Eventually hate will consume all.First it would be the gays,then the blacks,then--well just keep going down the list.We let this hatred continue,it will destroy us all.God loves,Man kills.The only one who has the right to judge me is God--not some "man of the cloth"or anyone who goes to church. Yet we continue down this road,with our hatred by ouir side,not wanting to change out of fear,or trying and yet being told time and time again "You can't" How many times can you hear that without giving in?How many friends that were once artists,give in?Art is what makes this world sane,it's what makes it go around--yet we are always so quick to tell those who dream to give in."You won't make it.""You better have a back up plan" "I'm only telling you this for your own good."Nothing but FEAR.And yet i digress again.This is what I do.I get all hot and heavy over this big issues that I cant control.I care more about what happened on "Lost" than looking for a job,or going to open mic nights.All these trivial things that surround me,and I can't shut the fuck up! I am getting back into "the game" however,expect an email or two in the coming weeks announcing some shows,I also plan on to start going to open mics,even tho I cant stand the pompus assholes who usually attend those.I am slowly moving,I just feel like it may be too little too late.
The point of this babblefest overall is this--we have to take this journey alone. You can have a wonderful lover keeping you afloat,and great friends cheering you on along the way.But in the end it is always you.You and you alone.I need to find the strength within.Do I still have it?Did I ever have it?Why can't these demons within me let go of me,and let me be me?! I just want to make the world laugh,why does that have to be so hard? I love this world,I want to be a part of it--we all should be a part of it.
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May 4, 2007 - Friday
And where did the butler come from?!?!?(my not so favorable review of Spidey 3)
So i saw Spider-Man 3 last night.For those who didnt stop reading.
spoliers below
im serious.........
im not kidding........first off mary jane dies..........heh just kidding.lets get to it shall we
First of all tho,i know my review is written poorly,so i apologize in advance.
What a letdown.Not a horrible film.If i were to compare it--it's the "Return of the Jedi" of the series. I would rank the 3 films as follows :Spider-Man 2,Spider-Man,and this one.
Let's start with the positives:It's always nice to see Bruce Campbell get laughs.ummmmm,let's see what else?.......Venom was awesome...until he talked.......what else?....I liked the black suit........Stan Lee cameo was his best out of all of the marvel films....J.Jonah Jameson was great....i want the giant William Dafoe paiting in my home!:)....and some of the fight scenes were cool,meaning if you took snippets from all of the scenes you could have had a spectaular 5 minute fight scene.Okay,im done.
Let's begin with the bad.
1-Worst script of all 3.
Joss Whedon has ruined my life.Because before him,I probably would have walked out of this film liking it more.But I couldnt.The writing was horrible.Where to begin,let's see.....James Franco is retarded,im serious,he acts retarded.People were laughing at him.He gets hit on the head and forgets everything,so for an hour it's the old Harry--acting really "slow".Anyone see Team America?Remember how Matt Damon acts in the film?"MAAAATT DAAAMON" That's Haary."Heh,ball!" "Yes Harry ball...."
The way Sandman becomes the Sandman--laaaame.He is running from the cops,and he just happens to fall into a sand pit that scientist are conducting an experiment--what experiment?Shut up,stop asking questions.
Here is some of the dialouge from the lamest scientists ever.
"Okay we are ready to experiment on wooshing sand around to make sure its still sand."
"sir,there seems to be an object in the pit."
"its probably a bird--it'll fly away in a minute once we start"
"but sir,it seems to be a large object"
"its just a bird."
"thats what you said last week!?!--what if it's some--"
"look,it's probably just a six foot mutated bird!hit the button--i want to see my sand swirl!"
and thats how he becomes the sandman.
i wish there was a scene after showing the scientist "celebrating"
"Yay! we did it! we spent millions of dollar to swirl sand around!--pop that champane open!"
"what if we swirl mud around?"
All scientist:"BRILLIANT!"
2-Too long.This is coming from a comic book geek,who loves Spider-Man.Green Lantern is my all time favorite hero,but guess who the second fave is? "Rom"---just kidding--Spidey ofcourse!So when a geek is tired of seeing his favorite character,there is something wrong.Originally this was suppose to be spider-man 3 and 4(sandman and the vulture in this one,and venom in 4)but instead they dropped ben kingsley as the vulture and insert venom.It was too much crammed it.This film should have just been Venom.Not only because the main villian was Peter,and so having this "goo" show up,was the mirror of him.His inner demons surfaced.Also, as much as i like Thomas Hayden Church(Great in Sideways,and yes,im a closet "Wings" fan)he was really pointless.
sm-"Why did you shoot uncle ben?"
sand-"i have a sick daughter"
sm-"why did you run from the cops?"
sd-"i have a sick daughter"
sm-"why did you start killing people?"
sd-"i have a sick daughter--look she has a cane!?!!"
sm-"i forgive you."
sd-"okay,im gonna blow away now"
With green goblin he was already an ass,but he turned mad because of desperation that felt believeable.doc ock was the most tragic villians of i think of all comic book movies to date.He was tormented by a split personality,the loss of a wife,who was only in the film for a few scenes but the writing(see how i keep coming back to that) and acting really made you feel his pain,and understood his redemption at the end.if you want us to feel bad for this guys daughter,show us a flashback,more than one scene,something--rather than showing that damn in-case-you-forgot-he-has-a-sick-daughter-locket! on one side was a pic of her,the other side should have said"remember dad-im sick."
3-cgi sucks.
Im sorry but overall,the movie was moving too fast to enjoy the fighting.it had some great moments,but not enough to get the ol' geek goose bumps---or a hard-on if your a perv.
4-the crowd/extras-okay the amount of times the "crowds" applauded like sheep was so annoying,if you listen closely you can hear Sam Rami giving direction:"okay here comes spidey,start now,everyone turn you heads in such a choreographed way it was laughable.Also when a giant battle is going on between a giant sand monster on a construction site,maybe you should run,rather than eating popcorn like its a tennis match,and i loved the children in the front--way to go parents! "hey my kid cant see the carnage,down in front!"
5-newscasters who tell me what is going on while im watching it happen!?!?!?
dont treat your viewers like we are stupid.I dont need recaps,i dont need a horrible austrailian newscaster giving us play by play action/what she is feeling right now and a horrible in studio newscaster spouting out lines like "this could be the end for spider-man" i wish he would have said "it could be the end for spider-man,more at 11---and now back to dancing with the stars!"
6-peter cries,aunt may cries,mary jane cries,harry cries,sandman cries,venom cries,insert sterotypical cute kid cries--everybody cries!
when uncle ben cried while dying in the first film--i cried.it was such great acting! When peter and anyone else "cried" in the first 2 films,you felt it.In this,especially the scene on the bridge when mary jane "breaks up " with peter,it was so bad,that i was waiting for Paula Cole's"I dont want to wait til tomorrow"(dawson's ceek theme) to start up! It just felt forced.
7-and finally the worst/best part of the film---the butler.
So see,harry has wanted to kill spider-man since the first film.in the second film he finds out who spidey is,so now in this he wants to kill peter.it consumes him.every frame he knows about peter "killing" his father all he wants is his death.nothing can change his mind........except a few sentences from a butler who has aparently been in all 3 films,we've just never seen him,heard about him,thought about him, ect.Yet they do the ol' forced intro,when retarded harry invites peter over,harry says"hey---jeeves"(?-i honestly dont remember his name) and then peter says"hey jeeves"--wait--who--wait-what--wait---wait go back!?!!? It's like when you watched Family Ties as a kid,and 1 season they have a baby,and then without mentioning it the following season the "baby" is now 6!?!!?BAD WRITING. But fine whatever i'll let his intro slide.Even tho the "actor" looks like he lost a lot of blood and is about to faint in every scene,plus he can't act.So when does the butler show up again?--that's right at the end.When peter comes to harry begging him to help him stop venom and sandman,harry says no.Then peter leaves.Then the butler comes in and i swear to God this is an almost play by play recreation of the scene.
butler:"you know the night your father died,i tended his wound...it was self inflicted(what did you work on CSI!?!?!)he died by his own hand.i loved your father(ewwwww)and i love you(ewww times two)but you need to know that."(even tho i should have told you this two years ago when he died and not let you have a downward spiral to self loathing and utter hatred for the wrong man....hey who wants pie?!) I SAY AGAIN--BAD WRITING!
Before i go,i just want to say one thing.Don't respond with "But Kevin,it's just a comic book movie"Yeah,but when the studios buy these characters,and change the origins around of characters,change the costumes in order to make the story "more realistic",that's fine.I have no problem changing the origin that Sandman killed Uncle Ben,I have no problem when the x-men or any other characters have a new costume,that doesnt bother me.Because i am a geek,i do want to believe this world more than any other casual movie viewer.That's a cop out.If you want this world to be real than have great dialogue and a smooth flowing story that isnt crammed into 2 hours and 20 minutes.Flesh it out,pay the damn actors 20 million for a part 4 and expand this film.But it's too late now.Bottom line,"Batman Begins" is still the best comic book movie of all time---and overall i consider myself to be a Marvel fan.
Still that being said,go see it.I dont regret seeing it,i just dont plan on seeing it again,and thats a shame.
Yes Im a geek.
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April 24, 2007 - Tuesday
By the Power of Greyskull.......
As most of you know this past sat night we had the "world premiere" ;) of THE UNEXCITING ADVENTURES OF UNEMPLOYED SKELETOR.Something occured there that upset me.I dont want to get into the details,because its finally going away,the anger and sadness that is.I will say this,i never want to see 3 of these people again because if ive never met you,and you act like an ass at something that i worked very hard for,guess what?FUCK YOU. This film,yeah it is a film,a very dumb film about an 80's homage to a fallen character that will never succeed.For a year,shit,over a year,i got in that stupid sweaty sometimes smelly outfit knowing that i was making an ass out of myself,but also knowing that i was doing it simply to make people laugh.You ask me what i want to do,it's that.Make a living at making people laugh.............and eating mac and cheese....oh,and "living in a gold house"
Now that ive said that,let me say why i really wanted to write this blog.I wanted to thank everyone else who respected the film.Who had a fun time.Thats all i wanted.Thats why i rented the theatre with Ben,because we felt like this could make a lot of people laugh.Yeah it was a no budget film,but i tried to write it knowing that.If it wasn't for all of the people who worked on it,this would have never been accomplished.People keep thanking me and Ben,and i cant say how much it means to me,but thank yourselves too.I want to thank everybody who came from NY,PA,MA and other parts of NJ. Thank you for buying the dvd's and poster.Unemployed Skeletor is coming to an end.I think i've taken him as far as i can(unless a Hollywood producer wants me to be the new host of "Deal or no Deal..or Death")So while i already plan to visit him 1 more time in the fall,you pretty much have seen this odd journey come to an end.It ended that night(thats right folks,blogs 45-50 are taped and ready to go)So i say again thank you.I wrote this because i know some of you know or saw what happen that night that upset me,but im done talking about that,because while it hurt,it ultimately cant take away what all of you have said to me.I want to say that your thougts matter most.I cant thank you all enough.
By the Power of Greyskull,I have the Power!!..........and it smells a bit like curry. ;)
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April 17, 2007 - Tuesday
Friends
Yesterday a weight was lifted from my shoulder.I could make a stupid weightlifting joke,but i wont.Some of you know,other didn't know that Mish's mom was diagnosed with cancer in her esaphagus.The procedure was risky,because not only of the removal but they needed to shift her stomach up.The last few weeks were especailly rough,because we knew what day the surgery was on. Mish was a wreck,rightfully so.It was my job to try to help her."Job",isnt the right word---i wanted to help her.I just want Michelle to be happy,i want to make her laugh and see her smile and when i see her cry i want to scream to the heavens and make it all better.Dramatic a bit?Yeah,but truthful.Yesterday at 11:30 am we got the news.She did great! We saw her an hour later--and looked drugged up but okay then we saw her 3 hours later and she was talking,had a ventalator tube removed alreday,was breathing almost on her own,and was smiling as well.:)
I want to be famous.I want to make a living at making people laugh.But yesterday,when i saw her mom,when i saw her father smiled while crying knowing the relief that his wife had made it,and from all the text messages,phone calls and emails from you all,i realized once again,that that is what matters.It doesnt matter what religion,color,sex or whatever other differences we all are.All that maters is in those moments,when all is lost,when we cannot find the strength to go on,when we are scared beyond belief,a friend comes along and helps you out.We never hold onto that,its always after the fact.Human beings are flawed,we will never be perfect--and that is what makes us so special.Through our weakness we find strength.I may die tomorrow,a year from now,or hopefully not until im 102 with my wife by my side,but in case you all forget,in case we lose touch,just know that you have touched my soul so many times with your kindness.I thank you all for being a friend..........now cue the Golden Girls theme song ;P
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CONN's poetry
SWIRL
I just freeflowed with this piece:
Anger still resides in me.
My heart feels weak.
I fear death,yet I still see light and peace surrounds me.
My world is changing slowly,but changing none the less.
I must release my anger,I must find inner peace.
I use to be calm,I use to be on a clearer path,I use to be sane.
Is the good trying to get it's way in,or is the evil trying to claw it's way out.
Either way,it hurts.
Each day I feels like it is my last.I fear death,but because of a sudden scare,I need to embrace life now more than ever.Because it is that reason alone:fear is holding me back.
I love my friends.I love my family,and I especially love my wife.but I need to focus on me now.I need to release this fear,this anger.I need to find peace.I need to find the zen warrior I once was.
Only love and peace can make this world better......can make it what it has always been below the surface.
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SOCIETY'S CHILD
I lay my body down to sleep
Praying for dreams,yet getting nightmares instead
I wonder who will remember when I am gone?
Who will let Society's Child live on?
Or shall it wither away like my old friend--society's dream
We let our lives be controlled by others,when there are just as worse.
Society can't control us,only Destiny,only she can.
The dreams of today guide us to the realities of tomorrow.
And yet in this time,Society's Child dies,
because no one ever questioned, WHY?
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AND.....
and i close my hands together like angel's wings
and i pray and weep.not for my sorrow but for yours
and with my wings i begin to soar
and with my doubts i begin to fall
and with my soul i begin to love
and with my pain i begin to hate
and with this dark robe i cloak myself
and with this lake of emotion i release myself
and i gain power
and i lose power
and i live
and i die
and i doubt
and i hope
and i give to you
and you give to me
and.........
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"air"
silence
feeling pure
a little bit more everyday
the purging has begun
how long is this road?
will i be able to rest?
will any of us be able to rest?
breathe in
breathe out the blackness
light is surrounding all of us
if we choose to see it
i choose to see it
i will always stand
i always be ready to fight
i am misunderstood
but not from the heavens
here and now
i stand
friends beside me
some friends walk away
others still stay
strength
it is slowly waking up
and i walk..............
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"her smile...."
her smile is what makes my day complete
love is a wave of emotions
when you love you feel whole
subtle things like kissing the back of her neck
or looking at her beautiful legs
this is what love is
love can be fear
that is, when you have found the one
the one person that you are so afraid of losing
the one person you say "i love you" everyday
because today might be your last
love is growth and strength
someone to grow old with
someone to love you no matter how much you hate yourself
love is little in the bigest way possible
my love i give to you
it is all i have to give
it is all any of us truly have
for my wife
i write these words to you
for my love
i give you all that i am
so that each day i can see you smile
i can see you laugh
i can give you happiness
as you give to me<
9:48 PM
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