thanks to the homie Erica from Kentucky for giving me the permission to repost this on my page since it pretty much mirrors a couple things currently going on with me. originally written from her perspective, i have to reword a couple things so that there's no reason for y'all to say "pause" while reading, lol...

here ya go.

Misunderstandings Ruin Things.

You could say something and know what you meant, but someone else would take what you said and turn it into something completely different and keep that inside forever. And unless you are the type of person that can sense when someone has misunderstood what you have said and have the communication skills to speak up and clear things up, then that person will think what they want to think about what you said.

Sometimes you care about people. You care about whether or not you have offended them or if you will never see them again.

Others ... and most ... you could really care less about what they think of you or what you have said.

With that said ... misunderstandings can really mess good things up.

I do believe that communication is what keeps people together in all kinds of relationships. People want communication, but I think they are scared. We are not conditioned to be able to talk to one another and express ourselves. We seem to avoid that and mostly are unable to do that. Who knows how to approach a person for a serious and meaningful conversation? Not many people, right?

You can't avoid having people misunderstand you though and there is a big difference between turning something someone has said into a lie and simply misunderstanding them.

There have been times when I have known that someone has misunderstood what I have said and therefore misunderstood who I am as a person and I just leave it alone. This isn't a case where I don't care, but because it's like ... the damage is done.

You care about them, but a part of you feels that they should know you and trust you enough to know that this is not who you are. But, since they judged you or were so closed-minded, you really begin to care less about their opinion on you.

I've tried before with people, but you can only try so many times until you say, "Fuck it."

I wonder though ... what is that expiration date for "trying" with someone?

When do you stop trying to clear things up?

For me, it's when they begin to disrespect me in their efforts to show that they are hurt or that they are upset with me. Also, when you just don't have the time to be sitting around trying to clear things up. You got to move on in your life.

I ain't had to do this in a long time ... it usually comes up when I meet a special woman and things ain't always going to be perfect in conversation between you and someone special. I don't even know why we would think it would be. They are a person too, so we all mess up. Even our significant others ...

If a person doesn't see or know where you are coming from on various topics or situations then there is an increased chance that they will misunderstand what you are saying. I guess that is why people who share similar thoughts and lifestyles are coupled together, because they understand one another.

You know, of course, we say things that we meant, so that ain't a misunderstanding. If you said something that someone didn't like and that's what you intended to say then they got the right not to return your phone calls or start spending time with someone else. Misunderstandings are when you have been judged or analyzed by what you have said and it is obvious that they didn't interpret what you were saying in the feeling or intent that you had.

Like when you are joking about something and someone doesn't catch the sarcasm or joking manner. They get all hissy-fitty and hate you for it. That's a situation where I wouldn't really care because I don't mind what people who can't take a joke think. I've known some stuck up people like that and I could care less what they think. But, to each his own, you have to respect those type of people at the end of the day as well because I appreciate everyone for who they are, even if I can't stand being around them.

We give up on one another too. I mean, what if we worked things out instead of holding grudges? I don't believe in the continued effort to clear things up, but we do give up on one another too easily. Afraid to call, afraid to ask questions and desiring to hang onto baggage for the sake of having some drama in the life. I mean, I think some people think to themselves, "I ain't trying to clear nothing up! I know I'm right about them!"

Well, what if you aren't? What if the person really didn't mean what you thought they meant?

You fucked up a good relationship by being stubborn.

Ah, "stubborn."

A great word.

The word to describe many people that cannot let go of negatives.

Stubborn.

Many of the women I am attracted to are stubborn.

Being stubborn tends to be a trait that accompanies these hard-working, intelligent, and life-enjoying women. They are intelligent, so intelligent, however, that they think no one else is right and by that logic, they must always be right. The trait of loyalty that they have (which is initially why they attract me) is accompanied by this stubborness because they expect the same loyalty from other people and when that loyalty is questioned (triggered by misunderstandings) they run, become judgemental or they may completely write you off because of misunderstandings.

These kind of people are hard to talk to or communicate with because they think they have you figured out. They may think about the fact that they may be wrong, but they immediately delete that notion because they remind themselves of just how "right" they are about people.

They cut people off with no problem.

I have to admit, I have been on both ends of this. I don't like being lied to because of two reasons I guess: it shows that a person doesn't appreciate my honesty enough to give the same to me and also it insults my intelligence as a human on this Earth. Who are we to toy with the feelings of others by lying to them and thinking that we can get away with it?

When you feel that someone has lied to you, but you don't know that for sure and you treat them as such, that is unfair. That is what a misunderstanding can be as well.

I've been lied to and I have forgiven those people. They don't know that I know that they have lied to me, but I have forgiven them because I don't enjoy holding grudges, I have lied to people before and I feel for them in the fact that they feel that they have to lie to me.

Often times, personalities can be misunderstood and that is also a great way to ruin a relationship.

Have you ever thought you could not stand a person, but a month later you love being around them?

The person was misunderstood by you and it wasn't fair to them that you labeled them as such and treated them in the way that you did.

You might have thought they were fake, when they were really just a caring person that wanted to help everyone because they have a maternal personality.

You later realized this and now appreciate the fact that they brought you fresh baked cookies into work on Monday.

It wasn't nice to mistreat them in a cold way because they wanted to make sure you were taken care of.

We are told and think that we are not supposed to judge. For those who are Christian, The Bible teaches not to judge. You are told not to judge because that is supposed to be The Almighty God's role and if you are doing the judging yourself then you are questioning God's authority and attempting to take he/she's job. And of course, what mere man can take the job of God?

However, I believe that judging is something that naturally occurs and that we are not instantly wrong for that, the wrong is when we can not tell ourselves not to and cease that judgement.

We judge when we see someone. It's just the way it biologically works, you look and you process what you have seen.

However, judging that is continued especially based on misunderstandings is wrong in my opinion.

Who of us can develop our own theory about someone and treat them based on our theory of them that has not been supported or at least continuously supported.

There are people that I have misunderstood and I just really didn't like being around them, but it took my ability to look past my own understanding and allow them to just be who they are.

What do you do when you are the object of a misunderstanding in a relationship?

You can talk it out and if they are not up to talking about it then you move on.

However, not everyone has the courage to talk about things or maybe they do not know how to say what is on their mind or what they are feeling.

and there you have it...