Okay, so the stimulus plan is now the law of the land. The government is bailing out the economy by spending 787 billion dollars. That’s an impressive number. You can buy a lot of stuff with that money. You can buy homes for 200 thousand people; a 2009 Cadillac CTS for 20, 967,097 people (Taxes, Tags and options not included;) or my favorite, breakfast at my local diner – including tip -- for 121, 076,923,077 Americans! (Although given the fact that the place only seats 20 we’re going to have to eat in shifts.)
We could give every American $2,573, hell we could give everyone in the world a check for $116.37. And as long as we’re giving out all this money, allow me to present my idea for the next group in need of a check, the Republican Party.
As a Republican I have stood by and watched as my stock has dropped precipitously. In the last elections we lost 21 seats in the House, which is an 11% reduction. And in the Senate we lost 8 seats, which is a 16% drop. (You may want to consider it an 18% drop given that Joe Lieberman was essentially a Republican right up until McCain lost, then – “Oops, I’m a Democrat again!”)
It gets worse. In the North East, where I’m from, Republicans are practically non-existent. And those of us that are here are living in secrecy. We meet covertly, with the location being different each time so we can stay a step ahead of the marauding packs of Dems with their torches and bloodhounds!
Ok, maybe it just feels that way.
We’re shunned, or called nasty names like “Partisan.” If a Republican Governor doesn’t want the stimulus money, they get accused of playing politics. If Republicans dare to speak out against the current administration we’re being told were petty, or bitter. After all, Obama is bi-partisan. He invited Republicans to a cocktail party. (Personally, I’m turning down any offer of a martini, as I wouldn’t want to get “all ginned up.”)
The Republican Party needs a bail out. Say 100 million so that we can hire an image consultant. We need to make it so that Sarah Palin isn’t a punchline, and that Bush stops being a 4-letter word. (Technically, “Bush” is always going to be a 4-letter word because it has 4 letters, but you know what I mean.)
So Michael Steel, are you listening? Gather the great thinkers who are “Right” minded, and start preparing the Republican Economic Stimulus Plan. It just may save the party.
Oh, and don’t worry Dems, we’ll let you read it!
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And now for some parting shots:
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Whenever President Obama speaks the market drops 40 points. I’m beginning to think the best way to stimulate the economy is with a gag order.
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George Mitchell is the special Envoy to the Middle East. Great, now we can find out if any of the Palestinians that are throwing rocks are on steroids.
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Clinton and Gore are urging Americans to be vigilant in combating climate change. Personally, I think there would be a lot less global warming if these two would stop blowing out all that hot air.