I'm stopping the presses for this shit.
Monday night my friend in Texas bit into a banana and cringed. The banana was filled with a blood-like substance.
So I asked her what any of you would: has it been tampered with?
No. Not at all, she says.
So we start searching the internets for diseases or viruses that affect bananas.
Nothing.
We search for other references to bananas filled with a blood-like substance.
Nothing.
She calls the fruit company and they say it happens on occasion when bananas are dropped during harvesting and offer her five dollars and a letter of apology.
I tell her that doesn't sound right to me, call the USDA.
She does.
The USDA agent in Washington D.C. says nuh-uh, never heard of anything like this. We're going to investigate this further.
Here's my question: has science gone too fucking far. Will we all start opening fruits and finding various animal parts because scientists think it's a good idea to fuck with everything?
If I had to guess I'd say what happened here is genetic engineering gone wrong. I'd say it's a glimpse of the future. I'd say it's time to stop these sick cocksuckers before they finally do unleash a virus or create a mutation that kills us all.
Before I show you the pictures I will tell you my friend is of unimpeachable character and these pictures were taken minutes after she peeled the banana. Neither one of us has the desire or the ability to make up something like this.
I'm also going to be a prick and make you go to my site to see the pictures. Oh, boo-hoo, two clicks. When you get there just click the big yellow Mutant Banana link