This may not seem like the most deserving subject for the first rant I’ve put down here in a long time (because few use My Space any more, certainly not for blogging, and my energies have been directed elsewhere – more news to follow) but this particular popstrel has really started to get on my wick of late. That’s partly down to her ubiquity - apparently Radio One’s playlist policy is to feature her every other record - but mainly because of the hypocritical reek that emanates from her.             

I’m talking, of course, about Katy Perry, that emergent manufactured singer whose second single ‘Hot N’ Cold’ is currently inspiring young girls around the world to believe the male gender is more subject to romantic moodswings than their female counterparts. 

When I first became aware of Miss Perry’s existence she struck me as a sort of low-rent Pink (can you imagine such a thing?), produced to fill a gap in the market for faux-rebellious soft rock sung by artificially feisty women who pretend not to have an eating disorder. But at least Pink occasionally lets some semblance of a personality come through in her act. There’s no evidence Katy has any character traits of her own, and she possesses about as much talent as millions of folk doing karaoke around the world right now.

Then you hear the lyrics. “You, change your mind, like a girl, changes clothes...” Remind me what gender you are again Miss Perry? And correct me if I’m wrong, but you seem to be wearing a different outfit during each of your numerous media appearances. Slob on-stage every night in the same stained trackie bottoms and hand-stitched burlap sack and you might have some justification for delivering that line. Spend three hours in wardrobe and make up as you clearly do and I think we can all spot the problem here. 

And the fictional protagonist of this song is being sneered at for ‘changing his mind’. This from someone who began her career with a Christian gospel album before trying to get all raunchy and lesbo as a tomboyish homophony on ‘I Kissed A Girl (To Draw Male Attention To Myself And Sell More Records Rather Than Because I Was Genuinely Attracted To Her)’. Katy has also recently announced she will be going celibate for all of 2009 after breaking up with her boyfriend. Wooh! Sexually liberated girl power from this latest strong female role model! Helping a whole new generation of teenagers grow up conflicted, that’s Katy.

Mind you, have you heard ‘Gym Class Heroes’? Maybe her ex has actually put the girl off sex for life.

And people who genuinely are gay must love it when a lifelong heterosexual appropriates the lifestyle and identity to further her career, particularly with a song like ‘UR So Gay’ which seems to take its inspiration from pre-pubescent playground taunts and possesses about the same level of wit and insight.

But these songs aren’t really anything to do with Katy at all. She hasn’t written any of them. The girl is purely a puppet, ambition overriding her fundamentalist Christian upbringing as she allows herself to be moulded into whatever the record company wants her to be, slotting wherever market-space allows, however contradictory or ideologically ridiculous the material. Ironically, and in spite of the endless jabs at assertiveness, individuality and rebellion, Katy seems to me the very definition of a bimbo. Generic, soulless, and without a single thought in that kooky little head of hers.

I never thought I’d say this, but bring back Avril Lavigne.

Al.

More Non-Celebrities HERE.