Sex and the City. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Oprah. Danielle Steele. Feminists. Rachel Ray. The Lifetime Network. The list goes on.

Every time I see some hairy, hippie, femi-nazi in birkenstocks and no make-up... I just want to punch them in the face. Seriously. Put on some makeup, do your hair, shave your legs/ armpits/ snatch and look like a woman. But try not to think (there's a term I use loosely) like one.

Stop being illogical, clingy, screeching, shreiking, weepy, jealous whores. Stop. Seriously. Shut your mouth, start being a human being and don't bitch. No one gives a shit about your period. No one cares about anything you have to whine about. Shut up, learn to cook, give good head and just smile. You don't have to be a mindless, obediant drone, but knowing how to cook for your man and take care of him is fucking important. Be well read and inteligent and all that. But shut the fuck up about "womens rights" and "equality" and all sorts of shit.

You don't know why men won't open a door for you or bring you flowers? Well maybe if you acted like a woman, you'd be fucking treated like one. Don't be a demanding cunt, don't act like you're too good to give him a back rub and open his beer and then expect him to get down and lick your ass (literally or figuratively).

You know why marriages lasted so long back in the day? Men and women knew their parts in a relationship. You know why men were so much more inclined to be romantic and dance with you and *gasp* get down on one knee and propose BEFORE you were 35? Because they knew a good woman when they saw one. Learn from your grandmother. Cook, clean, dress well and you might be able to stop watching the fucking Lifetime Channel and eating tubs of ice cream when you're depressed that no man wants you in your generic "I'm a whore" witty saying t-shirt and your hair thrown up in a nasty, messy side pony-tail. Take off the sweatpants (they're not cute), and wipe that fucking scowl off your face. Smile, and DON'T BE A CUNT.

A pair of thigh highs, a garter belt, nice 3 inch spike heels, a just-above-the-knee skirt and properly applied make up and you'll be a better person. Be able to hold a conversation about SOMETHING he enjoys... and believe me, he hates oprah, he hates rachel ray and he really doesn't think that the WNBA counts as sports.

I hate women. Fucking USE what god gave you to do what you want and lead a better life.

Oh, and if a dude hits you and you don't: A) hit him back B) leave or C) hit him back and leave...
Then you deserve to get beaten, you silly whore. There's always a way out, stupid.

I really am ashamed of my gender.