What Is Child Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse is sexual activity with a child by an adult, an adolescent, or an older child. When any adult engages in sexual activity with a child, that is child sexual abuse. It is a crime in all 50 states. Look in the section called "Warning Signs" for a listing of both touching and non-touching sexual behaviors that are considered sexual abuse. When sexual activity involves another child or an adolescent, it is not always so clear. Some kinds of sexual behavior among children might be natural explorations rather than abuse. Look at the checklists in the section called "Warning Signs" for help in figuring out whether the behavior you see is sexual abuse between children.

Is Child Sexual Abuse Really That Big a Problem?

Statistics show that child sexual abuse occurs at an alarming rate. As many as one in three girls and one in seven boys will be sexually abused at some point in their childhood, according to most reliable studies of child sexual abuse in the United States. (Briere, J.,  Eliot, D.M. Prevalence and Psychological Sequence of Self-Reported Childhood Physical and Sexual Abuse in General Population……: Child Abuse and Neglect, 2003, 27 10).) That means that in a class or concert of 100 people, as many as 20 to 30 of those in the room were sexually abused as children.

Why Do I Need to Know About Sexual Abuse and the People Who Sexually Abuse Children?

We need to know about sexual abuse because sexual abuse of children is all around us in our homes and communities. More than 300,000 children are sexually abused each year. (Finkelhor, D., H. Hammer, and A.J. Sedlak, Sexually assaulted children: National estimates and characteristics, in Juvenile Justice Bulletin. In press, Office of Juvenile Justice & Delinquency Prevention: Washington, D.C.) 

Sex Offender Registry Laws have been established to keep track of people who have been convicted of sexual offenses and have moved back into communities. Most are required to  register with authorities and in some instances their names and addresses are made available to the public. But community notification laws can give us a false sense of security. Most sexual abuse, nearly 88 percent, is never reported, let alone brought to trial.  (Hanson, R.F., Resnick, H.S., Saunders, B.E., Kilpatrick. D. G., and Best, C. (1999). Factors related to the reporting of childhood sexual assault. Child Abuse and Neglect, 23,559-569) So the police and the courts can't warn us about the people responsible for most of the abuse that is committed across the United States. They don't know who they are. But most likely, we do. Chances are, those most at risk to abuse our children are people we know in our families and in our community, who have horribly lost control.

Children should not have to prevent sexual abuse by themselves. That's our job. We can do much more to protect children than teach them to tell us when someone has acted inappropriately.  It is our responsibility as adults to learn, to notice, and to say something when we see behaviors towards children and teens that make them vulnerable or are sexually inappropriate. Many calls to our helpline begin with someone telling us, "I may be over reacting but…" and then describe a situation of possible sexual abuse. Adults need to learn what to do when we think another person could harm a child in a sexual way. The Stop It Now! Helpline, this web site, and others will help to give you some of the information you may need to protect a child from sexual abuse.

Who Are These People Who Sexually Abuse Children?

Most often, they are likely to be people we know, and frequently people we care about. It would be easy to protect our children if everyone who posed a risk looked like those mug shots we see on TV of men who have just been arrested for a sexual offense.  But they're hardly ever like that.

In as much as 90 percent or more of child sexual abuse cases, the child knows the person who commits the abuse (Finkelhor, D., H. Hammer, and A.J. Sedlak, Sexually assaulted children: National estimates and characteristics ,in Juvenile Justice Bulletin. In press, Office of Juvenile Justice & Delinquency Prevention: Washington, D.C.) ). It's hard to face that someone we know - and even love - might be sexually abusing a child. Look at the checklists in the section called "Warning Signs" for what to look for in adults or in the adult/child interactions that may give you a sense if there is reason for concern or questions.

Are Men the Only Ones Who Will Sexually Abuse a Child?

Those who sexually abuse children - the ones we know about and the ones we don't -- can be anyone in our lives. They are fathers, mothers, stepparents, grandparents, and other family members (uncles, aunts, cousins). They're neighbors, babysitters, religious leaders, teachers, coaches, or anyone else who has close contact with our children. More cases of sexual abuse by men are reported into the legal system. As much as half of all child sexual abuse is committed by children under the age of 18 (Hunter, J.A., Figueredo, A., Malamuth, N.M., & Becker, J.V. (2003). Juvenile sex offenders: Toward the Development of a Typology. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, (2003) Volume 15, No. 1.). Other recent studies have begun to examine the impact of sexual abuse when the abuser is a woman or girl.

Can People Who Sexually Offend Ever Be Cured?

With specialized treatment, a person with a history of having sexually offended who accepts full accountability for his or her crime can learn to control his or her abusive behavior. Without treatment, the sexual recidivism rate for sex offenders is 17 percent. With treatment sexual recidivism among sex offenders drops to 12 percent (Hanson, R. K., Gordon, A., Harris, J.R., Marques, J.K., Murphy, W., Quinsey, V.L., Seto, M.C. (2002) First Report of the Collaborative Outcome Data Project on the Effectiveness of Psychological Treatment for Sex Offenders. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 14(2), 169-197).

Like many other diseases and dysfunctions we can not expect a cure, but we can and should demand control of abusive behavior throughout a lifetime. When people who abuse are firmly supported and held accountable by their friends and families, they are more likely to complete their treatment programs and live productive, abuse-free lives. (Mussack, Steven E. "The Impact of Family Involvement on Sexual Offender Treatment." Presented at the 13th Annual Research and Treatment Conference of the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, 1994.)

Are All People Who Sexually Abuse the Same and Do They Pose the Same Risk to Re-Offend?

No. Like Like any other population there are a wide range of behaviors and a variety of people who sexually abuse children. With specialized treatment and full accountability for their crimes, many adults and children can change and never offend again. However, child sexual abuse is a crime and must be dealt with first through the child protection and criminal justice systems. We work to get everyone who wants to change the best treatment available and help them never to hurt a child again.

Why Does Someone Sexually Abuse a Child?

People abuse children for a variety of reasons, including a chance to increase their sense of power and a sense of pleasure. Those who abuse can become "hooked" on using children to achieve sexual arousal. They may seek children to sexually abuse because they have had a long history of sexual attraction to children or because they took advantage of an opportunity to abuse a child in their trust. They may have started sexually abusing because of their own abuse history or because they never learned that sexual abuse is wrong and is a crime. The earlier they get help, the better chance they have to control their impulses.

How Can We Keep Our Children Safe From Sexual Abuse?

We need to teach children about safety. We, as adults, also need to educate ourselves about sexual abuse, the warning signs of sexually abusing behaviors and the risk factors that create situations that make children vulnerable. Then we adults need to act. Here are some things that you and your family can do to prevent the sexual abuse of a child you know and love.

Adults need to:

• Set and respect family boundaries.
• Speak up when you see behaviors that violate a child's personal boundaries or make children vulnerable.
• Watch for signs of sexually inappropriate behavior in adults, between adults and children, and in children. (see Warning Signs)
• In your own life, demonstrate to your children that it is OK to say "no" when someone you know and care about does something you do not like.
• Practice talking about difficult topics such as sexual abuse with other adults.
• Be sure that you are comfortable saying the proper names of body parts before you teach them to your children.
• Teach children the difference between OK touch and touch that is not OK. As they get older, teach the more subtle differences between red light, yellow light, and green light behaviors. These three levels of behaviors are a clear way to describe the gray areas which include sexual behaviors that are clearly inappropriate, but are not legally sexual abuse.
• Teach children that secrets about touching are not OK.
• Set up a family safety plan that is easy to remember.
• List for yourself whom to call for advice, information, and help.

Report anything you know or suspect is sexual abuse.
For more information on these points, you can call the Stop It Now!^® helpline toll-free at 1.888.PREVENT.

What Can I Do If a Child Has Been Sexually Abused? How Should I Respond? What Should I Say?

One of the most important things a parent can do is respond in a calm and matter-of-fact manner. Listen to the words and feelings of the child and observe his or her body language. Believe the child - children rarely lie about sexual abuse. If you don't have enough information about what is going on, it is a good idea to ask questions and let the child know you are someone they can safely talk to about this issue. Be sure you do not ask leading questions. What is most important for you as someone who cares about the child is to say that no matter what happened or what they say, you will still love them. Also take the time to reassure the child that he or she has done nothing wrong. Let the child know that you will do whatever you can to keep him or her safe. Many people are tempted to handle the disclosure on their own. However, there are resources throughout the country that can help a family through this difficult situation. (See our Resource Guide) Furthermore, the sexual abuse of children is against the law. It is therefore important to seek professional help and to not do this alone. By taking action you may reduce the risk of others in your community or family from being sexually abused.

Is Healing from Sexual Abuse Possible?

Yes, healing from child sexual abuse is possible. The lives of children who have been sexually abused will be forever changed, but we have many wonderful examples of children healing from the child abuse and living out caring and productive lives. Some children may be ready to talk about the abuse and deal with it soon after it happened. Others may need to move more slowly, gradually testing the safety of addressing the issues that arise. Children do best with a combination of love from caregivers and support from a counselor with special training to work with children who have experienced sexual trauma.