The reason the English breakfast is so popular in this country is because it's the best hangover cure. Other than more drink (hair of the dog) and a good sleep that is. In a land of alcoholics that goes a long way.
Some more esoteric approaches suggest water but that's nowhere near as much fun and it's far too healthy for anyone's good in an over burdened little planet.
So what I like to do after a Saturday night of self obliteration, is to sleep late and go to my local pub for a fat, brightly coloured fry up.
Last week I was denied this simple pleasure by the logic defying "Breakfast Curfew" as I like for it to be called.
On Sunday I went to a pub near a friends place and, after pretending to read the menu' for about a minute (I never read the things coz real men know what they want and technically I am a man) I went for my usual traditional English breakfast option as is my want on a Sunday morning (afternoon to you), which, after a night of drinking and jumping up and down at the Astoria 2, is the only thing that can restore some sense in my otherwise pointless life.
The barman told me that breakfast was only available until 14:00. I am finding it difficult to understand the logic...What do you mean? Breakfast unavailable after 14:00? Is the chef not still in the kitchen cooking lunches? Does he perhaps feel indisposed towards an English Breakfast at that time of the day? Is the bacon not feeling well? Have the eggs fallen out with the sausage? Have some relatives of the Heinz Baked Beans brigade died? Maybe the mushrooms are taking the afternoon off because they started early?
Do the bubble and squeak have a Pilate lesson just after 14:00? Why is the man in the kitchen happy to make me a chicken roast but won't go as far as a traditional English? MENTAL….MENTAL!!!........
You're in there…the eggs are there…COOK THE THING!!!....
It's like you go to the hairdressers and ask for a blond tint and they tell you "sorry we only do blond til three o' clock. It's five now you can be a mahogany red or a chocolate brunette".....
Fascists.....
It seems to me, the choice of when we eat is one of the few liberties we have left in life.....
Let's stop the wank and scrap the deadline please. It's Sunday. Give us a fucking break (fast).....
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Tits of Fury Dan