I'd like to go back a bit, to one of the Republican primary debates, [when|where] the question was put to each hopeful candidate, "Do you believe in the Bible?" I'm still trying to work through this answer.

Huckabee: Sure. I believe the Bible is exactly what it is. It's the word of revelation to us from God himself.

(Applause)

And the fact is that when people ask do we believe all of it, you either believe it or you don't believe it. But in the greater sense, I think what the question tried to make us feel like was that, well, if you believe the part that says "Go and pluck out your eye," well, none of us believe that we ought to go pluck out our eye. That obviously is allegorical.

But the Bible has some messages that nobody really can confuse and really not left up to interpretation. "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Knowing that it "is what it is" is comforting, what with the Grape Nuts® ads I've been seeing on the billboards lately. If only somebody could cut through the hype for me. But then, "Obviously allegorical"? "Not left up to interpretation"? I didn't realize that it was that easy. Is everybody else in agreement as to what the Bible means and you all just decided not to tell me?

So I went looking for help on the matter of eye-plucking and hand-cutting-off and here's what I found.

            "The language employed by Christ in this context does employ a figure of speech that is common to all languages. It is called hyperbole."       

Oh. Yeah. No. Right. I  totally get that. It all sounds very simple, very reasonable.

            But maybe sometimes I still need a little bit of help sorting out what's what. The NFPA's Pocket Electrical Reference, for instance, helpfully lists common jobsite medical emergencies, how to spot them, and so on. I decided to buy it when I saw on the list Alchohol Intoxication ("What to look for: confusion") and Drug Overdose ("What to do: if victim becomes violent, leave the area and call 9-1-1"). Still, I didn't know what a serendipitous find this little book really was until reading the entry on Amputation.

Amputation

What to look for:

• Loss of body part

What to do

1. Call 9-1-1
2. Control Bleeding
3. Care for shock
4. Recover amputated part(s) and wrap in sterile or clean dressing.
5. Place wrapped part(s) in a plastic bag or waterproof container.
6. Keep part(s) cool.

Sometimes I don't want hyperbole.

love your neighbors, keep your parts cool,
Alex