So, those of you who check in here regularly know I've been not-so-B-like recently. There's no need to go into detail--suffice it to say it's been a rough few weeks, and I'm finally just beginning to feel like B's rallied enough to make a comeback.
I've been doing lots and lots of reading, walking, meditating, writing, playing, talking, thinking, thanking, staring, crying, laughing, hating (okay, maybe not hating, because that's REALLY not-so-B-like, but definitely disliking...), and, most importantly, loving. Loving my family, my friends, myself. Loving those who seem to deserve it least, but need it most.
I've always thought I knew myself pretty well, but these last few weeks have put that belief to the test. I'm learning more and more about myself every day; I hope we all do that. Dreams thought impossible came true--along with more than a few nightmares. Fears buried deep rose to the surface. My uncanny ability (or "uncannibalility") to make people smile disappeared...
Then I realized, I can get angry at the world, or I can stand up with the grace of a woman and fight for myself. The world is going to keep moving, no matter how much I may want it to stand still for a while so I can catch up. I don't know about you, but I want to soak up every beautiful minute I've been blessed with on this earth. So, I began to discover an inner strength I never knew existed. It's the strength that allows us to see who we really are, and who we really want to be... It's the strength that takes us from the former to the latter.
Through it all, I've sung to myself a little tune that my old friend Dean introduced me to years and years ago. He described it as my theme song, and the minute I listened to it, I thought it just might be.
Ani Difranco wrote the original;
Dave Matthews did a beautiful cover with Soulive.
Joyful GirlI do it for the joy it brings
Because I'm a joyful girl
Because the world owes me nothing
And we owe each other the world
I do it cause it's the least I can do
I do it cause I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
Just because I want to...
Everything I do is judged
And they mostly get it wrong
Oh well
The bathroom mirror has not budged
And the woman who lives there can tell
The truth from the stuff that they say
And she looks me in the eye
And says...
Would you prefer it the easy way?
No?
Well, okay then ...
Don't cry
I wonder if everything I do
I do instead
Of something I want to do more
The question fills my head
I know there's no grand plan here
This is just the way it goes
When everything else seems unclear
I guess at least I know
I do it for the joy it brings
Because I'm a joyful girl
Because the world owes me nothing
And we owe each other the world
I do it, it's the least I can do
I do it, cause I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
Just because I want to...