My life has been changed forever. And in a very, very, very good way.

My closest girlfriends (and a select few boyfriends... and, well, now the whole stinkin' world...) know that I am a hairy beast. Seriously. A high school boyfriend once affectionately referred to me as "Chewbacca". I was scarred for life with that little term of endearment.

Anyway, I digress. This overabundance of unwanted hair results in very expensive and time-consuming measures to remove said follicles. However, there is one (and only one) benefit to being the hairiest woman alive: I have unbelievably long and thick eyelashes.

But, as women everywhere know, you always want what you don't have. If you've got curly hair, you want it straight. If you're skinny, you want to be curvy. If you've got brown eyes, you want blue ones. If you're petite, you want to be tall (except me--I'm pretty happy with the 4 feet 11 1/2 inches I've been given). What I really want is longer, thicker, flirtier fringe. To that end, I've been on the hunt for the perfect mascara for years.

Since early 2006, I've been using Blinc's Kiss Me tube mascara:
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I love it for its durability (lasts through tear fests, rain, humidity, etc.) and easy removal (just slips off in neat little tubes with a little warm water!). However, while it makes my lashes longer, it also makes 'em look thinner, and no one wants that.

Then I tried Lash Injection from Too Faced.

I really liked the way it made my lashes look (thick, long, and perhaps a bit adult-movie-starlet-like), but it flakes a little, is more difficult to remove, and smells absolutely repulsive. Strikes one, two, and three. Next.

I recently purchased Imju's Fiberwig:

Fiberwig is similarly long-lasting and makes lashes thicker, but doesn't remove quite as easily.

Then I heard about L'Oreal's new Double Extend Beauty Tubes mascara:
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For the past three days, I've stopped at every drugstore I've passed, and no one has had it in stock. Then, as fate would have it, I went to Rite Aid yesterday morning (on the hunt for contact lens solution, deodorant, and hopefully the holy grail of mascaras...) and asked the woman who was stocking the shelves in the beauty department about this elusive product. She said they hadn't received delivery yet, and that she couldn't wait to try it either.

So, I'm perusing the shelves for other fun new stuff, and about 20 minutes later, the lovely Rite Aid associate walked up to me holding two cardboard boxes filled with cosmetic goodness.

"Guess what JUST arrived?!?!?" The excitement was palpable. My belly started doing jumping jacks. I quickly took a tube--"blackest black". (I felt like it was a shady drug deal--not that I would know how that sort of thing goes down, other than what I've seen in the movies.)

Since I was already wearing the Fiberwig, and don't normally carry around an eyelash curler (Shu Uemera, by the way...), I had to wait till I got home to try it out. As soon as I washed my face for the night, I curled my lashes and followed Steps 1 and 2 to the letter.

Girls, I kid you not when I tell you that a choir of angels began to sing. I look like a walking mascara ad (only without the flawlessly PhotoShopped face). And at 1/2 the price of the Sephora brands.

Do yourself a huge favor, ladies. Drop everything, head to your nearest Rite Aid, Duane Reade, or Walgreen's, find a friendly associate, and change your life forever. Then bat those babies and watch the boys drop like flies.