As I sit here, sipping on my half-gallon of Gatorade (yes, Sheridan, the ones you try to destroy in one try), I debate on what to write first. Let's see:
1. In reference to my last blog...Hell week is almost over. And that's all I got to say about that.
2. I should put together an anthology of some of my most famous quotes. They seem to be popular, what with me signing on to AIM random days and finding my rants of wisdom posted as away messages...
3. Divine intervention...So, in search of relief from Hell week, I traveled to Walgreens up the road to buy something. The last time I was there, I decided to try to buy something that remotely resembled groceries (note: never buy groceries from Walgreens), and failed miserably. So, after I got some medication, I was walking in the general direction of the checkout counters when a little voice inside my head goes, "Hey, walk down the magazine aisle." I NEVER go down the magazine aisle. I used to have a passing fancy with gaming magazines, then to muscle mags and Men's Fitness and stuff, but since everything's online now, I just decided to stop buying them. So, a trip down the amgazine aisle makes no sense, right? Of course not. But I did it anyway. Sure enough, there was a random issue of Flex magazine sitting at eye level. Now, I've only bought one issue of Flex ever, and that's only because former WWE Champion John Cena was on the cover (he was an amateur bodybuilder before he became a wrestler). Otherwise, it's a mag designed for highly jacked men with more muscle than they know what to do with. Yet, here I am, reading the cover, and there's a segment entitled "How to Eat Big on a Budget" or something to that effect. Hm, that's exactly what I'm looking for. So I open it up, and I'm magically presented with a very simple grocery list that has basically transformed my kitchen and my diet.
4. ...with a catch.Every deal has its downside. I went to the Save A Lot two blocks down the street, and picked up a boatload of good foodstuffs that the magazine suggested: a box of rice, spaghetti, frozen chicken breast dinners (Healthy Choice, thank you so much)...but I can't cook. I can't cook for jack. Look, if you ever needed to know just how horrible I am in the kitchen, I've managed to undercook instant oatmeal in the microwave. Of course, I didn't figure that out for two months, but still. What's the point of going to the grocery store if you can't cook anything you buy??? I declare epic fail on myself.
5. Anime moments.I was discussing this with a friend of mine who recounted a story that basically reminded him of any awkward moment out of any anime. He went over to a girl's house, and when he walked in, he saw her bent over wearing just a bra and panties. Surprisingly, his nose didn't spray blood and he didn't fly backwards screaming "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH!!!" Anyway, there are several things wrong with this moment:
A) She KNEW what time he was coming. She invited him over, after all.
B) She's got a live-in boyfriend.
C) Her mother was there as well.
If that's not an anime moment, I don't know what is. So that got me to thinking if I'd actually had any anime moments in recent memory. The only one I could think of would be about fighting with the full power of youth. To sum this up, a crazy-ass middle-aged ninja named Gai stresses to his students about always enjoying their youth and fighting like it. Any time I see an old person, or a person with a cane, or a fat person that can't move very fast, I'm always reminded to make the most of my young years so that I can grow old and not be rendered immobile by life and/or bad habits.
Besides, getting crunk before a fight never hurt anybody...6. Remember that Healthy Choice dinner I mentioned earlier...?Yeah, they're portioned so that it'll fill the average white woman's belly. Of course, had I actually looked at the back of the box, I would've noticed this chick with a bigass smile on her face and figured as such. Seriously, it was worse than eating Chinese food, and we all know how well that does in keeing you full for hours on end.
I ate the dinner at 1 PM (on my lunch break).
2:30 rolls around, and I'm frickin' starving.
I guess that's why they're 2 for $3 at Save A Lot.
Damn.