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Current mood:  disappointed Category: Life
In seven weeks I leave for basic training.
I only have seven weeks of civilian life left.
My time is running out and every breath that fills my lungs is bitter and stale, like old cigarettes.
I spend my time crying and moping when I should be having fun and
enjoying the last bits of freedom that will cross my young soul.
I find myself withdrawing deeper and deeper into an aloof abyss. Every
ounce of adventure is admonished and ultimately ends where I began:
alone and heartbroken.
I want to have a going away party the weekend before I leave, but I'm
so scared no one is going to show up or even care that I'm leaving.
It wouldn't be the first, and certainly not the last time my endeavors for enjoyment and celebration have been looked over.
I want to gather addresses to write to people, but I'm so scared no one will write back.
I want to invite people to my graduation from basic training, but I'm
so scared they're going to have something better to do than travel all
the way down to Texas to see me.
I don't see why I still give a fuck anymore.
Or why I even hope for some sort of change in this empty and mundane place I call my life.
I suppose I'm too selfish and ask for too much.
Or maybe, I'm just not that important.
I'm so scared of regret and not seizing the opportunities presented to me.
6:21 PM
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