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Current mood:  inspired Category: News and Politics
Publish Date: 10/17/2009 Teens tend to repeat abusive pattern witnessed from home Karen Lungu
The Daily Record Children, who have grown up in the cycle of domestic abuse, often, find themselves playing out that same pattern in their earliest ..dating relationships... Family Crisis Services, Inc., outreach advocate Jenny Lehl spends much of her time developing youth programs to address the issues of domestic abuse, sexual assault and teen-..dating.. violence.
“The pattern is learned by watching our parents or most significant role models,” Lehl said. “We have relationships from the time we are born until the time we die, yet no one ever teaches us how to do it. We learn from watching — parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends — and it becomes a standard to us to live what we learn.”
Victims feel as if they don’t deserve any better and believe they are supposed to allow someone to treat them badly, Lehl said.
“There are times,” Lehl said, “when people end up as victims, who only because of low self-esteem and value, end up with someone who treats them abusively.” Twice a week, Lehl can be found at Cañon City High School, working with youth to break the cycle of violence in teen-dating relationships. Lehl also offers guest lectures to the high school’s health and wellness ..classes...
“Teen dating violence is the act or threat by a person in a dating relationship,” Lehl said. “This includes any form of sexual, physical, verbal and/or emotional abuse.” Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically have romantic views of love, are inexperienced with dating relationships and are establishing independence from their parents
. Lehl advises the students that anyone can be a victim; boys, girls, gay or straight, rich or poor, teenagers, parents or grandparents. Domestic violence is no respecter of religious or educational background, she emphasizes. There is no typical victim.
Youth in the class receive a brochure affirming teen dating violence facts. Females aged 16 – 24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group at a rate of almost triple the national average, the students learn.
One in three teens report knowing a friend who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped or physically hurt by their dating partner. One in five female high school students report being physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Choking and strangling is one of the more common forms of abuse amongst teenagers.
Lehl offers other startling statistics: 58 percent of rape victims report being raped between the ages of 12 and 24. Only 33 percent of teens who were in an abusive relationship have ever admitted the abuse to another person. About 21 percent of Cañon City High School students report they have been in or currently are in an abusive relationship. And, 96 percent of teens experience some manner of emotional abuse from their partner at some point during their dating relationship.
“It is an honor and privilege to know you,” Lehl said to the students. “It is no one’s right.”
Generating discussion in the areas of boundaries and self-value, Lehl offers teens a quick dating quiz. Are you with someone who: Blames you? Breaks or hits things to intimidate you? Pressures you into not breaking up with threats to hurt themselves or you? Acts possessive or jealous? Pressures you into kissing or touching when you don’t want to? Bullies you with humiliation or putdowns. Makes you feel afraid? Treats you like property? Intimidates you into being only with them rather than your family or friends? Is quick to lose temper?
In dating relationships, Lehl tells the students, “A text, a phone call, an e-mail, a knock on the door are invitations, not obligations.”
One of the more rewarding parts of her job, Lehl said, is developing the children and youth programs through FCSI.
“Every individual has the right and ability to become who they are,” Lehl said, “and, to me, it is an honor to be able to tell them that and be available for them on their journey.”
FCSI offers a 24-hour helpline at (719) 275-2429.
3:00 PM
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