I have so many emotions running through me right now, and so many things on my mind.

I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m frustrated. I’m dissapointed. I’m broken. I’m sick.

I dont know what to say. Words elude me. I cant think straight and I dont even want to think. I want to feel nothing. It easier that way. I try not to pay attention, to just ignore everything.

I dont want to go through this, and I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t know what to do.

I dont care if you know what I’m talking about. I dont even know if you pay attention. I dont think you are. It doesn’t feel like it.

We are so wrapped up in our own worlds and our own ways. Its hard to break away from that. But I have. I finally have and I do what i can to be my own, to not let anyone control my life.

But that doesn’t mean it happens. You don’t tell me things. You don’t listen. You don’t know what’s going on with me.

It’s bullshit.

That’s why I dont want to think. It hurts to do that because I see the truth. The truth is ugly. I don’t want to face it because I dont want to lose what I have. But what do I really have? Is it really worth it to hold on so tightly only to get slapped in the face?

No its not. I dont know, I dont know, and I dont know.

I wish I didn’t know.

But life’s not like that. The truth is forced on me even when I dont want to know. So what do I do?

Do I just live and ignore it. Do I just close my eyes and be blind. Do I just shut down and become hollow and empty, unthinking, soulless, worthless, DEAD?

What is left for me? I have a life. I have a future. I have a plan.

I’m good at what I do. I know what I want.

But I follow the world, I follow you and I lose that vision, that hope. I dont aspire to anything anymore. Why? I dont know. I don’t fucking know.

So I guess I just have to let it go. Hold to myself. See what happens.

Dont fuck this up.