Just when I think that I have it bad, I find someone else who has/had it worst. I feel bad about being so hard on myself and beating me up at every turn. You would think that I could be more productive, more positive about life. Why we worry about things that are not important is beyond me. Why not fixate on the positive and good in things. We all have problems, I am not unique at all, in that respect.

I just found out that a friend, someone I could have been a much better friend to, which I am so sorry about, that I was such an loser to.......took her own life. I think that I will be deeply saddened about this for a very long time. I think I could have done something to make things better, somehow. Maybe I couldn't save her life, but maybe I could have made her life better. If I had known, bothered to know, bothered to care more and pay attention, maybe she would be alive today. Even though space separated us, in my heart we were always good friends. I loved Mara. I really loved her.