Well tomorrow I will be traveling on a Jet Plane. I always get apprehensive even though I know they are safer than a car. But my perception is that if a plane wrecks you are not going to live. So I think I would much rather wreck in a car than a plane. At least I have a chance there. But I have lived a pretty wild and fruitful life so if something happened at least I have lived. It will be sad though that not many would know what I have lived through and done. People would be very surprised, even my own family. I haven't asked for it, or even looked for it, but my life has been like some you see in Movies. Literally.

Well now I am 46. Alot of people would say I am old. I guess. I keep on telling people that after, let says 20, you really don't feel older. It is weird too. I do grow, mentally, I am wiser, I mentor some who appreciate my experience, I learn. But at the same I can't help but think that I also waste my time and this saddens me.

I guess I can say that I am not doing what I would like to do in my life. I envy my daughter who seems to be living the exact life she would like to live. Of course she may want more, like to travel, to not struggle for money, to do more. But I do envy her.