Being an artist is about exposing yourself. It's about vulnerability and possibly even desperation. What is natural about bearing your soul on a stage in a darken room full of faceless strangers…only to descend into the crowd and face them eye to eye? Exposing one's self is a part of any creative endeavor, but as a singer, I've found it to be extremely difficult.

A boyfriend once told me that he felt that he wasn't sure that I ever really let him in. Upon examination of that statement, I had to agree with him. Upon examining the reason, it was because I didn't want to let him in - I knew it was not a 'forever' situation and so why give all of myself only to have someone know my true heart (desires) and have that information put to no use (or worse, exploitation).

I am naturally a private person. As such, I don't like folks 'all up in my business,' as the saying goes. But performing is not the place to be private, reserved - unexposed.

Lately, I've bee thinking about my career and how to ELLEvate myself in my performances. More specifically, why is that I have this extreme sense of fear and almost grief before I go on stage sometimes. The conclusion I've come to is that, I've been hiding behind my voice for so long and have yet to expose myself to MY audience. I have avoided the true relationship that exists between a singer and her listeners. I have been singing for myself - my own personal edification, moreorless - without respect to the recipients. How incredibly selfish!

I mean, sincerely. Why take the stage if I am only singing for myself? Why ask the audience in if they are only allowed to pass the threshold to hear my voice but I refuse to allow them to be touched by the full message? Where is the life in the relationship if I have been withholding it?

When I think of some of my favorite performers (and some of the most touching), there is something that translates live that I haven't yet taped into. Not that either of these two characteristics should be seen as negative here, but I believe the thing they have in common is a willingness to be vulnerable - and possibly have a desperation that causes them to give more of themselves and in return they receive the audience's attention, adoration, admiration and loyalty.

But why?

When you have decided to share the love you have with others AND believe that there is nothing else for you to do but that - you must make a connection at all costs. It doesn't matter the song - uptempo or ballad, funk or soul - they know that in that the few minutes they have to control the stage there is a job to do and it is compensated by more than just an applause - but it takes times to see the fruits.

Brining it home…um, well I can't just yet. I've made a commitment to continue to push the envelope whenever I take the stage. And which envelope is it? The one with my name on it - that I've been avoiding. The relationship with the audience starts with my initiation and it'll grow based on how much I explore it. So nothing will change over night (not that I expect anyway), but I'll give a little more each time.

[I'm ready for my close-up Mr. DeVille]

Ciao for now, Elle.

get.ELLEvated!