It is the destiny of some to be forever lurking amongst the shadows, fumbling behind the curtains, buttressing the backs of their betters, bedding always the bride’s maids but never the brides. And certainly that is the path that the S-S-S-Spectres have been slouching upon throughout the ages. So you can imagine the chagrin and shock we felt when our very own Master of the Symbolic Lodge was approached by an actual magazine publication for an actual, honest to Got interview with some of the more prominent members of our order! And this magazine was no run-of-the-mill Better Homes & Garters or Leatherman’s Quarterly! No! This magazine--known as Cheap & Plastique (http://plastiquepeople.com/cheapweb/ )--is a heady tome of art, culture, music, and the rantings of the mad(ish)! We were honored at our inclusion, to say the least.

Further digging revealed that this exceptional publication is actually produced solely from within the confines of a medium security women’s prison somewhere in the former Soviet Union in a place currently know as Shurakavomania. Turns out they heard of us via correspondence with Frank’s mom, who did a dime there back in the 70s (which was totally just because of a silly misunderstanding and through which she passed unscathed, plus with some great pen pals and a tattoo that’s just the COOLEST!!!). We met with the steely editrix Violette in the conjugal visit trailer, and the interview went quite well I think! Of course, it did conclude with said prisoner snuffing out her cigarette in my left eye, but I’m told that’s a particularly flattering (some would say flirtatious!) parting gesture amongst inmates in former Soviet republic women’s prisons, so I took it as a good sign. Violette and her cronies also managed to interview other Brooklyn luminaries like Golden Triangle, These are Powers, Dynasty Handbag, Ana Lola Roman, plus a bunch of  great artists from around ze globe! This issue (which is their 6th) includes a bunch of SEXY snaps of other lady prisoners dressed up in their fantasy images of Amerkans (they’re all 25-to-lifers tho, so don’t fall in love!) as well. There was also a pretty sharp centerfold pinup of M. Jonathan Toubin, but none of those pages seem to have made it out of gulag (note to Jonathan: The Eastern Bloc Women’s Prison party circuit might be a big money maker for you. THINK ABOUT IT!). Oh well, we’ll just have to close our eyes and IMAGINE that part.

Incredibly, it turns out that while most of the gals were working on putting together this fantastic issue, the Bridge Club over in Solitary (I assumed solitaire would be their game, but what do I know?) were digging an underground tunnel to Poland with egg spoons and the broken shards of babushka dolls! So, bunch of burning-cigarette-in-the-eyes later, the Cheap & Plastique inner circle arrived on our grey shores for a MONUMENTAL magazine release party that is going down THIS VERY Saturday!!!!  Full details to follow! Won’t you join us?? It will be a Grand ole time! Just don’t let the OGPU find out or it’s back the the camp for Violette (as a precaution, I’ve encoded all the details below in a secret code! Just substitute each lowercase letter for its capital letter counterpart, and vice versa, to read the actual message!).


Oh yeah, and you can get a copy of the magazine at the party or order them directly from Shurakavomania here:  http://plastiquepeople.com/cheapweb/