“What fools these mortals be!!” - Puck

It always amazes me the lengths people will go, the revisionist thought and omissions that will be perpetrated all in the name of propagating one’s own little narrow agenda and worldview – here’s a simple tale of the aforementioned in which your friend and harried mirthmaker ANGRY BOB became entangled in, with no care whatsoever to a little thing I like to call THE TRUTH! This tale involves a run in with 2 pantheons of 21st century journalistic “excellence”– the Rush Limbaugh Show and the Huffington Post and their ne’er do well scribe, Jason Linkins…but first a little background…

As you all know (if you haven’t been in a coma or “lost” on some dismal verdant pacific ocean rock with 5 gallons of Dharma Initiative Ranch Dressing), I have recently been involved with the cable news network CNN as a “political satirist” on the Rick Sanchez show….sort of an interesting populist electronic town hall news/opinion show with a quick format tied into several of the more popular internet social networking sites for instantaneous feedback from viewers, headed by the affable anchor (and Angry Bob fan) Sanchez, who seemed to enjoy my raucous and insightful observations and musings about some of the biggest stories of the day.

So now it’s March 17th – I’m home moldering like a sack of unwanted provolones in my creaky bed, ravaged in the phlegmy grips of a monumental cold and bored out of my skull; it had been a few days since I last stood before a gaggle of bemused humans in my de rigueur back pants, shirt, cap and heart; happily screeching the word “cock” with reckless abandon. Breaking the monotony with a continual string of obnoxious comments on the pointless drivel pouring out of my laptop from that new crown prince of time wasters, FaceBook , I saw a posting from my ol’ buddy Rick at CNN that he needed fans to call in with 30 second rants about some popular evil that needed slaying, the cretins at AIG and their publicly funded remunerative pat-on-the-back bonuses in the face of sheer incompetence and collapse was proffered as a popular boogey man to be exorcised – so for some momentary shits and giggles (and to let the gang at CNN know that Angry Bob is still alive and kicking and ready for action), I called up and left a beaut of a rant, basically to the effect that the AIG bonuses takers show be treated like the way the Chinese authorities dealt with the dairy executive monsters who upped the protein value of watered down milk with the industrial solvent melamine – UP AGAINST THE WALL! And, in my typical cartoony delivery, I figured I’d give a chuckle to the CNN staff and maybe some of my fans if they played it….and the next day they did, and my days of mucusy convalescence seemed a bit more tolerable.

By the way, for the curious of you out there – here is the exact statement I made with full Angry Bob bravado: “ Hey, Rick, it's your buddy Angry Bob in New York. Those AIG bums, hey, I've got to tell you something. Did you hear what they did to the melamine guys in China that spiked the milk with poison? Up against the wall. So I think we should get all the AIG guys bonuses in the form of full metal jackets. Enough of these guys. We've got to tear them apart. America first, and rich and obnoxious people second.” The clip (if it’s still there) on youtube is entitled: CNN's Rick Sanchez Viewer: "Shoot AIG Executives" This is typical Angry Bob bluster and the Sanchez people knew their listeners would recognize it immediately for being just that!

So Thursday, I was still lying in bed, playing with my toes or some equally puerile activity, when a comedy friend who listens to Rush Limbaugh congratulated me on getting my rant heard. Dropping my middle toe, I shoved my face deeper into the pillow holding the telephone receiver and blurted “wha…?” It turns out, dear reader, that my simple comedic parody of an outraged comment about an ongoing economic condition was picked up by the Limbaugh folks and transmogrified into something far more sinister….now I was likened to a drooling, bug-eyed cabin dweller, surrounded by cases of loaded AK-47’s and disposable Rocket Propelled Grenades (I am, of course, exaggerating for literary affect, but you get the picture!) ranting about slaughtering dozens of innocent bankers and the awful bastion of failed liberalism CNN has polluted the airwaves (cablewaves??) with my vitriol…proof positive that the evil socialistic cabal of OBAMA, PELOSI & REED have truly inspired the worst elements of our hapless society!!! Again, I am basing this on what I was told, but this is the gist, albeit a bit graphic (hey, call me pedantic…I dares ya!) – it was more being used to make fun of Obama’s spokesman in some fashion, again along the lines that this administration was riling up the looneys. (and I am pointing out my literary flourishes for the most part – keeping it real while keeping it fun!)

So, being the general 12-year old douchebag that I pride myself to be, and after seeing that my little cartoonish rant was BEING TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT, I figured I would go with their idiocy and try to commit a little act of deviltry (like a little impromptu on-air debate on the issues between Limbaugh and Angry…can you just imagine!). I contacted Team Limbaugh and actually got through to his producer via cell phone, and who was a little surprised that Sirhan Sirhan Jr. would actually contact him and own up to what he had said. I did tell him I was a comedian and asked if Rush wanted to speak with me on the air (hoping to turn the topic to what kinds of chicks does Rush like to bang…hey, it’s what I do!) – he asked me if I stood by my statement and I said I did say it and that maybe Rush wants to talk to me…there was a bit of a weird uncomfortable pause and then he said they would get back to me if Rush was interested and that was it.

Hmmmm….so, now we see where this is going….they liked the clip as the rantings of a typical CNN viewer threatening the lives of people after being stirred up by the LIBERAL AGENDA – it worked for them, and I understand that. I am not a fan of what Rush says but as a fellow entertainer (and that’s what he is in the end), I understand that he has to play to his fans. But (and it’s a BIG BUT), if there was the possibility that this was a lot more innocent than it appeared and didn’t work with their agenda, then good-bye journalistic integrity and THE TRUTH and why would they want to get back to me then??? I mean, after hearing the damn thing I did, it’s pretty obvious that it’s a PUT ON and even if you have a shred of working synapses still rattling around your lonely cabesa, maybe you GOOGLE ANGRY BOB and my site comes up first, you see I’m a COMEDIAN WHO HAD DONE SATIRE ON CNN, and then it just doesn’t work well with your LET’S SCARE THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYONE agenda!!! And Angry Bob goes from amusing, devil-may-care funster to the UNIBOMBER IN A FUCKING STAINED BLACK SHIRT (oooh, sounds like a potential Anarchist, too…..it’s got legs!!). Again – I did not hear what Rush said and based this on how my friend said the clip was presented – I could have gotten an mp3 of the show, but Rush charges (!) $6.95 for that privilege – no wonder he fears socialism!! The whole thing was just too funny and I’m sorry they never called me back! So, now I was the new boogyman for the dittoheads, but in reality, Rush didn’t harp on the clip and it came and went pretty quickly…..but not with the HUFFINGTON POST.

So after that, I googled myself and CNN to see if anyone else had mangled the truth and lo and behold, form the other end of the spectrum I found the website of the born-again liberal Ariana Huffington and there, indeed, was a piece penned by this Jason Linkins entitled CNN CALLER SAYS AIG EXECS SHOULD BE SHOT – where he took what I said in jest as something said in earnest, again as a deranged caller (no mention of my comedic status or satirical doings with CNN) – and a link to the youtube clip of me actually ranting, which is even more amusing because of the obvious parodic nature of my delivery!  But again, as with Rush, sometimes the truth isn’t as important as pressing along one’s little agenda no matter who we besmirch along the way….if this Linkins really calls himself a JOURNALIST (his byline says HuffPost Reporting From DC, which then assumes he considers himself a reporter and not an ASSUMER or a FICTIONALIZER) – all he had to do was a little RESEACH – google ANGRY BOB, and in second see I AM A FUCKING COMEDIAN WHO HAS DONE POLITICAL SATIRE ON CNN!!!

Again, I’m rolling that my little verbal burp was now twisting around the ether as something totally different that originally intended, but the lack of original context was bothering me a bit. So I decided to “out” myself to this Linkins character – I emailed him, I left a comment on the article’s webpage and even on the youtube clip to the effect that I’m a comic and you MAY NOT HAVE ALL THE FACTS – no email has been returned, no comments were allowed to be left on either page and the article has remained as it without a correction or annotation!!! So, again, to keep the fiction going about this crazed CNN viewer going to justfy and erroneous article, THE TRUTH HAS BEEN IGNORED, BLOCKED & CENSORED!! Now, I did add advertisements for my unique and wonderful TALKING ANGRY BOBBLEHEAD on the comments I tried to post (reparations for omitting the truth…and, hey, I love selling stuff!) and maybe the “writer” didn’t appreciate the left-handed shilling of my tchotchkes – but he still could have contacted me for some kind of clarifying statement if he cared to give his readers THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH! And, as of this writing there are 184 comments on the HuffPost article and 44 comments on the youtube clip, the majority either in agreement to what I said or just a general discussion of the whole AIG situation, but there are a few attacking what I said – AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO COMMENT MYSELF TO EXPLAIN THE TRUE NATURE OF THE CLIP!! Even if readers/viewers didn’t know who I was, just adding the comedy/political satire information changes things immeasurably!

So, who are the real culprits here?? Who has exposed themselves as the nattering nabobs of negativism they most certainly appear to be while wronging your humble narrator and grilled cheese king of Flushing, Queens ANGRY BOB – CNN? Of course not – they put that clip to play to their viewers who became quite fond of me during my January stint doing the jokey thing with Rick Sanchez and probably enjoyed hearing a little Angry Bob to make their grim, stolid day a bit more colorful. Rush Limbaugh? Of course…. they got the story wrong and had the opportunity to correct it but didn’t (I do somewhat understand the Rushster and his self-appointed role as head of the “Loyal Oppostion” ….he is a putz but at least he didn’t dwell on it…much). The real sad sack of schmucks and soon to be awarded the Jayson Blair trophy for Journalistic Bullshit is JASON LINKINS of the HUFFINGTON POST for printing and article and posting a related video with a bullshit story and utilizing the worst of McCarthyism and Gestapo-like tactics by NOT ALLOWING THE AFFECTED PARTY TO GIVE HIS SIDE OF THE STORY AND CONTEXT TO THE MATERAIL PRESENTED!!! Did it sound like a threat or a manic (wasn’t political comedian Steven Colbert calling for mobs to go after AIG employees with pitchforks this past week?? Did he mean it or was it just SATIRE??) ?? Maybe if you took my delivery seriously and did not know me (perish the though!)….but, then, Rush: let me speak!! Linkins: let me post my side of the story!!! Squelching my voice in the matter is tantamount to LYING TO YOUR LISTENERS/READERS!!

So, this is a schnockering of Angry Bob and CLARITY by the media and I’m sure it won’t be the last…..sort of a right of passage I guess…but the sad thing here is that with the growing demise of the venerable print media across our nation, more and more Americans will be relying on these newer electronic media sources for their news in our democracy, a democracy that needs a free and truthful press staffed by professional journalists who know how to research a story, lift up the flagstones, get to the truth and not just some hipster funboy with a Macbook and a blog. These are dark days for American and it’s the job, no the sacred duty for those who call themselves reporters to disseminate the news to be used as a tool for people to learn and make decisions from, not a self- aggrandizing reflection of one’s own ego to be waltzed around for one’s own glory and vanity; and I fear that once the papers are gone, maybe democracy will be next….

Finally – if anyone from Team Rush or Camp Huffington would like to add any comments or addition information that I may have omitted, it will be CHEERFULLY ACCEPTED!!