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It took a long time. A very long time. But I'm actually kind of okay with being myself.
I was walking home from the bus stop the other day. It was raining. I was coming back to my mom's house, a place I've sworn never to come back to. I had no money, no car. But I was happy. I was happier than I had been in a very long time.
I've lost a lot lately. I've lost friends and I've lost faith and I've lost family. But what I have gained has almost made losing everything worth it. Because what I have gained is a feeling of self worth. I have learned to like myself when everything and everyone around me says that there is nothing there to be proud of.
I've learned more living straight than I ever did doing everything bad you could imagine, not that I would trade that experience for anything in the world.
I can accept that some people will never change their opinion about me. And I'm okay with that too. Because the people that surround me now are the ones that truly love me.
If he wants to stay clean and he really wants to do it this time, then I will be here for him too. Cynicism has kept me from falling but the potential is there. Let's just hope that love doesn't cloud the bigger picture.
Starting over took a really long time for me. But I'm ready now.
 | Currently listening:
New Moon
By Elliott Smith
Release date: 2007-05-08 |
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1:45 PM
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