so there comes a point in everyone's life where the unexpected & unimaginable happens.for me, that was losing justin.it's been a little over 4 months that he passed away but, it seems as if it were yesterday.just the thought of him brings me to tears.I know they say don't be sad,but celebrate his life, but that's easier said than done.somedays i wake up & have the best days in the world,sometimes wishing to relive them over and over to ease the pain.but then there are those days,where everything seems to go wrong,i end up sad,wishing i could change things, but i've realized i can't change the inevitable.i've also realized that life is 10% what happens, and 90% how you react to it.so i try to cope with the things that life gives me.but coping with the fact that justin isn't here just isn't the easiest thing to cope with.i smile,when really im not as happy as i look.i just miss the long conversations that we would have about absolutely nothing.i miss little things like, us pumping gas at 7 eleven,or us playing Kings & being tipsy as ever,us watchin the 40 year old virgin & eating chinese food,taking pictues with his cell phone camera,kissing under that tree across from his house at 1 in the morning,going to walmart for nothing at all,his jealousy when it came to other dudes,falling asleep in his arms,waking up at 6am so he could go to football practice,riding around va beach & goin to lynnhaven mall just to waste time,eating at chick fil a,driving around portsmouth,the many promises that we always made eachother about hanging out,the reunion at vsu,hugging,walking,talking,laughing...everything! i miss every single memory i have with him! i remember the time he told he was too insecure to be with me because he thought i would leave him for a celebrity & me reassuring him that there's no celebrity that could amount to him,even fab.i miss every single emotion that i felt when i was with him.i miss the drives to see him.i miss his slightly high pitched voice lol.Lord knows what i wouldnt do for a part two! I miss the "hey beautiful" text messages..I still have his number saved in my phone & i promise i wont erase it.sometimes i just sit and think..why..but i know i cant find a reason.i know there is no answer.things just happen.i remember when i found out he passed...i was doing my daily facebook check & saw his picture as someone else's default..thinking..wtf..so i ran upstairs and got my cell..by that time i had so many missed calls i knew somethingwas wrong.as soon as i heard those words"B,im sorry"....i just broke down.i had never felt so low.i wanted to be where he was.i wanted to make sure he was okay.i felt alone.i wanted to just laugh with him,but all i could do was cry.it was something like the worst best day every.i lost him and gained him all in the same.he is definitely my certified angel & i promise everything im doing is for him! day by day,it gets a little easier..and im okay...he will always remain with me!i love you jb!!! now & Foreverrrr!