It hit me like a ton of bricks one morning while I was driving to work. A very real fear of being middle aged, trapped in Ohio, having never have left, and being trapped by life. It seemed so real, my failure, my prison. I saw myself old, afraid, and a failure. I never ventured out of state, and I never chased my dreams. This fear led me to many sleepless nights, and a lot of alcohol abuse. In the end, I have come to this conclusion.
I have decided to quit my position as drummer of A Vicious Cycle, and move to California. I will play two final shows with the band, January 15th at The Al Rosa, and January 21st at The Billiard Club. After that, I will use my weekends for work, to save money for the trip, and the move. I am also going to focus on expanding my horizons musically, and preparing for my push in California.
I will be 27 very soon, and I'm starting to see my dreams slip away. As scary as moving cross country is, the fear of not following my dreams is even scarier. I can live with failure, I cannot live with regret.
There is no animosity between AVC and myself. The band understands my position, and I understand theirs. At this point, I cannot speak for the band. I'm not sure if they will actively seek a new drummer, or search out new artistic endevours. They have my love, and support 100%, either way.
This band has been my life blood for over two years. I concieved it, put it together, named it, and guided its progression for a long time. I've had the absolute time of my life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've also lost two of my best friends in the process. We fired our original singer, Mike, and watched our original bass player, Dan, move out of state. Both broke my heart. I simply can't put all of my faith in the band anymore, and I have to follow my heart.
I ve been told by a few people how much my music has touched them. I was also told that our music saved a friends life, gave him hope. Gave him something to belive in, and gave him some sort of hope. I can only hope this is somewhat true. I wouldn't change a thing.
I will miss this. I will miss all my friends I made along the way. I will miss stinking hot summer shows at The Al Rosa. Drunken rides home from out of town shows. Recording songs with the best friends I ever had. Creating something that people actually "got". I will miss it all. And I will push for even more in California.
As hard as this all has been for me, I simply must follow my dreams, and my heart.
-Ryan McCaslin
Drums- A Vicious Cycle