this is the first blog i've felt like posting in three months.i think about blogging except i think its kind of pointless sometimes.since the last time i blogged i had solstice, christmas, new year's, the death sinus flu, the blue blahs of january, the grey blahs of february, the death scoots flu and an accident in a heavy hauler. i was all dukes of hazzard style in 142 truck. i am not bragging. it scared the shit out of me. there are cameras on the trucks i have guessitimated. i got fired. which i think is blessing because that day i said out loud, "this isn't what the universe wants me to be doing with my life."

no. it isn't. here it is one year later and broke, cold and homesick. i haven't made one lick of intentional art work. looking back over the year i have collected evidence and expressed myself creatively in the moment. there are no artifacts of those moments and i have chosen a path of artifact making. it is confusing me to have been an ephemeral artist for the year. the art i made was for the moment and then after that moment the only thing that documented the fact that the art existed is memory. this is all still valid art making, don't get me wrong. its just that i can't help but feel remorse for not having anything tangible to show for the work i've done. can you all see that i am sorting this situation out as i type?

i started counselling this week. i have what i am calling artist block. i'm not sure if it is because i don't know if i have it really because i don't know if i've ever actually had it before. this artist block term is similar to the term love as the definition isn't something we are really clear on. its one thing we proclaim with blindness cause we don't know if its really what we have. i am suspicious that since i'm having this conversation i haven't had either. ?

so, counselling. yes. there you have it. i need direction and to get back on my artist feet, scrape the grime from my knees and begin. where to begin i asked. she said, "what can you commit to doing this week?" i said ok artist pages, and dates with myself and more purposeful outings...today i'm a little bit like didn't i already know this and its true i did, there was just something lacking in my own accountability that i had to find from an outside source. like as in a teacher, that is where i would have found that before had i thought i was experiencing a block...

i do go on...

ontario get ready