I wanted to share with some of my fans and even critics about some of my actions lately, because I am finding, even making statements to the press at this point are being jumbled and misconstrued, It floors me to this day, how people can take smidgets of a something they read or see on TV and make MASSIVE and elaborate stories in their heads, scary. The only time I feel I can stand behind what I say is when I write it myself, so there is no confusion... I have had threats upon my life, my friends, my business partners, my children, threats upon their heritage, the fact one is mexican, thou I am considered white, my mother is latin and has had her share of discrimination being from a poor farming family that immigrated to this country from Portugal. Just so it is clear I was born into a catholic family, but no longer believe in organized religion. I am VERY spiritual. I pray and talk to god every night. Let me make that clear GOD with a capital G, as I have been corrected. Thank you christians... I do LOVE you for that!

I have recently took a look at my life, as I was challenged at what I would like to be remembered for, would it be winning a TITLE at 19? I really in my heart don't believe there is such thing as a TITLE....but for the sake of argument, would it be for Miss RI Teen USA?, Miss Teen All American?, Miss New York USA,? Miss USA?, Oscar de la hoya Fiance?,Miss December 2001?, Travis Barkers Wife... ? do any of these TITLES define me??????? No. What is in a title? only the power "I" give it.

I am much more powerful and much to complex for any title to define, and so are you. It took me 30 years to learn that.

I looked back on my teen years that have influenced me, friends and men who have inspired me, who have coached and spent endless hours of time supporting me, and  MANY of those men were gay. I was a competitive skater, I spent days and nights in a rink... working with coaches and friends, young and old and from that experience ALONE I can say GAY is NOT a CHOICE! I am a American Gold medalist and Regional and National placing champion. I did numerous pageants, I was from a SMALL town in Rhode Island, my coach, who helped me learn to interview, to walk , to talk, Dennis Shelto... is GAY and I LOVE and admire him so much! with his guidance I was able to model in Boston, Miami, NY, and LA.. VERY successfully.I appeared with heidi Klum in Hamptons to Cosmo to YM, I can't say thank you ENOUGH to all the gay men and woman who pushed for me. My point? There is NO secret agenda for me. It is a REAL life LOVE and gratitude for the mentors that NEVER identified themselves by their sexuality but for their love of what we were working towards. They to will FOREVER be part of my FAMILY.

With that I looked back on MY biological family... what a great and beautiful family I was blessed with, and this I WILL attribute to all my success as a individual, not a Hollywood persona, but as a soul, my parents have been married for almost 40 years, they have a love only in fairy tales, they are my heros, they are my strength, and where most would quit, I have them to restore MY faith! so when I am asked, what would I most like to be remembered for... it's only in the thoughts and minds and hearts of my FAMILY, every move I make is with them and In my children.

I was able to share a very special moment with my son yesterday, he asked me what bad words were, most would say Fuck or some other swear, I told him, STUPID and HATE. Those are BAD words. and you should never tell someone they are stupid are that you hate them, He saw my picture for the NOH8 campaign and asked me why I had tape on my mouth, and in 5 year old terms I tried to explain LOVE, I was VERY proud to tell him, that when he grows up, he can LOVE whom ever he choses and I will NOT HATE or think he is STUPID for it.

I don't care what the church, what the internet,haters, critics, what the past, what anyone thinks of me, because MY GOD is a LOVING god, and HE/SHE doesn't judge, we were born with free will for a reason, I believe god ( notice the little "g") celebrates when we use it.

that my friends is how "I" sleep at night!

shannaxoxo
Health Wealth and Happiness.