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Jon Lincoln



Last Updated: 11/24/2009

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Status: Swinger
City: Boston
State: MA
Country: US
Signup Date: 11/7/2005

Who Gives Kudos:

freddy g (2)
(1)
Monday, April 10, 2006 
So I had the luxury of performing at a high school after-prom party. The show was at 3am!!! 3 fucking AM!!! Every kid was hyped up on soda and passing out at the same time. They booked me and another comic as the entertainment for the evening to stop these kids from drinking and losing their virginity.

So, we get to the show and there is about 100 high school junior's in their pajamas running around like 6 yr. olds girls playing ping pong, foosball and eating cotton candy. The chaperone's walk up to us in relief and say "Thank God you're here. The hypnotist didn't show up and the kids have had nothing to do for 3 hours".

Sweet.

They round up all the kids in one room and announce that the comedians are here. Silence. The DJ gets on stage, turns on the microphone and says "Welcome everybody. We have some great comedians for you tonight. Please welcome Jon Lincoln" Deadpan Silence.

I get on the stage and am looking straight into the faces of overtired 16 year olds that look as if I'm about to give a lecture on quantum physics.

I tell my first joke. Silence.

I tell my second joke. Silence.

I tell my third joke Silence.

I take a sip of my Red Bull.

I tell my fourth joke. Silence.

Time for some crowd work. I start talking to the kids and asking them about the prom, school and other shit. The crowd work actually starts to go well. I get the kids laughing by engaging them and making fun of their friends. I have them laughing now so I abandon all material and just start fucking with them. 5 minutes go by and I'm actually feeling good about myself. That's when the prom queen raises her hand:

Me: "Yes?"

Prom Queen: "Are you talking to us now because you ran out of jokes?"

Everybody: Huge laughs at my expense.

And suddenly my worst high school nightmare has come true. I'm standing on stage in front of the entire high school, everybody staring at me as the hottest girl in the grade insults me and everybody laughs. I should have stripped naked and lived out the final piece of the night terror. I didn't. Instead I decided to put that bitch in her place and tell some more jokes.

I tell joke #5. Silence

I tell Joke #6. Silence

I take a sip of my Red Bull.

"Thank You. Good Night". Silence.

I hate High School.
12:10 PM
 
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Courtney Cronin

 
If you write a blog about everytime you get heckled you're going to lose your subscribers.
That is a cute story though.
I hate prom queens.
 
Posted by Courtney Cronin on Monday, April 10, 2006 - 6:12 PM
[Reply to this] 
freddy g

 
You should have asked her who she slept with to get that tiara.  I'm sure the football team would have all raised their hands.
 
Posted by freddy g on Tuesday, November 21, 2006 - 4:28 AM
[Reply to this] 
Steve Caouette

 
You shouldn't put yourself into that type of atmosphere, I would never do a gig like.....oh wait.....nevermind, must have blocked it.
 
Posted by Steve Caouette on Saturday, January 06, 2007 - 5:17 PM
[Reply to this] 
Dr. Dreas
Andreas Hatch

 

MAN!  I'm sorry.  That happened to me once when I was doing stand up in college from a girl in the front row.  I was dressed like a clown (obviously) and she said "I HATE CLOWNS" (obviously).  And so I retorted with something along the lines of "and I hate stupid little bitches like you who should be at home swallowing fish hooks to loose weight and not out with other people who are trying to have fun"

-silence


 
Posted by Dr. Dreas on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 5:39 PM
[Reply to this]