So over the xmas break I've been doing a lot of memoir-watching via DVDs. I had this acting coach Mona Lee say to me one time: Your emotions are money in the bank in this business. Something clicked. I had been pushing them back, stuffing them aside. She saw it visibly. I have previously always viewed actors and musicians as vain- sometimes myself in times of less emotional pain- but I came to realize what she said deep within. To be an actor or a musician (or performer- or practitioner of the healing arts) one must channel a feeling and a place in time. One must have the experience and let the emotion pour. So yes, this is beneficial for the artist - but more so even for the viewer - if they're connecting. We live out experiences that we don't want to internalize ourselves. I watched "Monster" for the second time and endured the difficult scenes and tried to process it. But what really got me was in the DVD extras- watching how Charlize Theron worked herself into the character of Aileen Wuornos - America's first known female serial killer. How she was depleted after scenes that were very hard for her- and how she cried on set and grieved for this character that was already dead. Tonight me and my brother watched "La Vie en Rose" the French movie about Edith Piaf. I hadn't known much to begin with- only the classic sound of her voice. Again I think about this actress that has to channel this dead persona - and play the part to belief.
For my part I've stopped trying to control my emotions thinking they are "wild" or that I'm crazy. For the band I'll bring songs to the table that are real - mean something to me, tell a short story. My emotions are money in the bank in this business - and there is nothing to hide behind or be ashamed of.

Other movies I watched this break and loved: Y Tu Mama Tambien, Walk the Line, Borat, Dirty Dancing- Then I saw a pink shirt in the thrift store here in Houston that said: "No one puts baby in the corner!" It had Patrick Swayze and Jennifer what's her name on the front...and it said Dirty Dancing. I love it.