Greetings Friends and Foes,
I have returned from Wonderfest, with all my limbs in tact.  Apologies for my somewhat cryptic message on facebook a few days ago, but I did nearly meet my maker this weekend.  I’ll share that grisly event below, as well as talk of the more pleasant times that came about.

I left Nashville around 6:30 a.m. on Saturday morning on my way to Louisville, KY for Wonderfest. I was driving Jessicas PT Cruiser, as my old beat up, payed off Dodge isn’t truly worthy of cross country trips.  I wanted to get into town early and see the Louisville Slugger factory before heading to the hotel to check in.  I was swift (though not speeding), and didn’t make a single stop between my driveway and Louisville.  It was close to a three hour drive, and I drove mostly silent, in myst and sprinkling rain, collecting my thoughts on the day ahead.  Larry Underwood called me just as I was coming into town, to check on me and to send well wishes to friends. I had not been off the phone with him five minutes when my morning got adventurous.

I had hit the bridge on the main curve in downtown Louisville at about 10:30 a.m. (considering the time change here), when all of the sudden the front passenger side tire went out.  I was in the center lane, with traffic all around me.  I tried to steer into the problem, as I do have some James Bond type reflexes when it comes to Auto accidents (just ask Jessica about our honeymoon one day).  The steering wheel was unresponsive and the car was out of control. I downshifted into neutral, and began to tap the break.  I made it all the way over to the retainer wall and was able to stop the car before it hit. Then it got really wild...

I realized I was on a bridge and there was no breakdown lane, in essence my car was still on the road. I looked in my rearview as I was nearly creamed from behind.  I unbuckled and began to climb out of my seat.  I saw yet another car in the rear view and immediately buckled back in and braced for impact.  He too swerved out of the way at the last moment. I buckled again and quickly climbed over the seat and out the passenger door.  I climbed over the concrete retainer wall to find a 200 foot drop below.  There was some footing, but It was a neck breaker for sure.  A gentlemen below on the ground shouted “It’s not worth it! Don’t do it!”  I realized quickly that he thought I was trying to jump to my death, while in reality i was doing all i could to stay out of harms way.  I yelled back some choice expletives along with some sort of call for help.

All the while my car is sitting in the lane close enough i could touch it, and I must have counted 8 times that people missed it by less than 3 feet.  I could see that the tire had come lose of the axel, and was pointing straight out.  The curve is blocked by foliage, and people coming around the corner were completely blindsided with the car.  An airport transit bus pulled behind the car and stopped in the lane. He began to honk his horn to warn other drivers.  He motioned to me and I climbed over the wall again.  The strange this is, though in peril he wouldn’t let me aboard the bus.  He told me to hit the emergency flashers in my car (which in my haste i had not done.)  I opened the door, and quickly hit the button and climbed over the wall again. It began to pour rain, and my footing wasn’t great.  The man driving the bus yelled I gotta go, and left the car again unblocked. I have debated in my mind who he was, and though he probably does walk the physical earth, I like to think of him as the last ride to eternity, and by not letting me on the bus, well...you see where i might be going with that.

The first police car showed up about 15 minutes after the car had come to rest in the last lane. At this point i was soaked to the bone, and tired.  He told me I was smart for climbing over that wall, as the drop below was safer than the highway.  More police showed (a total of 8 i believe) creating a chain back around the corner with flashing light so people could see the lane was not a good option.  At this point I tried calling Triple A, (and jessica since i didn’t have my card).  I didn’t give Jessica all the details as to not scare her to death.  Seemingly Triple A said our membership had expired in February (It had not) but rather than argue that point they had the city wrecker get me off the interstate.

When the car was dropped near the corner of Story Ave. and Spring in downtown Louisville I began making phone calls to sort all of this out.  An hour and a half had passed by the time i got off the highway, and onto a safe street.  Jessicas step father had given me his Triple A number, and I sent in the report. When the truck driver arrived he wouldn’t tow the car as I didn’t have the card or the same name as the report. He drove off and left me, as I didn’t have the 90 bucks in cash he wanted, and wouldn’t take a visa card.  I also had double checked over the web to find out that my triple A card was set to auto renewal and should have never lapsed.  Since they wouldn’t let me use that I got a brand new Triple A card (as it was cheaper than the 90 dollar tow job.  They sent a flatbed truck and the driver said he couldn’t get it on because of the wheel situation. He called for a lift truck. over and hour later another flatbed showed up, and told me the same thing.  At this point i had been standing on the street for over  5 hours. My phone was almost dead, and though I had dried out I was at wits end.  I found a little restaurant called Miss Cs’ of KY that was really more of a kitchen with a few chairs up front. The two ladies allowed me to use the facilities, and made me a sandwich that tasted like the best thing I had eaten in years. It was less than two hours until i was supposed to be on stage to accept the Rondo award.  I canceled the tow truck and called Linda at the hotel to come pick me up. I left the car on the street. 

A gentleman named Harry arrived with Linda, and they got me back to the hotel with just enough time to shower and clean up.  It was strange because as i walked the lobby to the theater room dozens of people  came to check up on me (both old friends, and people of whom i had never met).  Seems the story had got around, as I had placed a call to Linda soon after i found safety. 

I met with David Colton (who runs the Rondo Awards) and tried to find my center.  The show was wonderful, and though not rehearsed on what I wanted to say, I thought everything went fine. I have never had trouble speaking in front of crowds, but I’m sure my voice was still full of fear from the earlier events.  I will say, that I am very proud to have received a Rondo Award, and was so happy to meet so many voters.  Truly wonderful people all around.  I’m sure videos will be posted, and others will share that story.  Personal highlight for me was being able to finally meet Bob Burns, and talking with Joe Moe (who had me teary eyed with his speech about Forry Ackerman).  Afterwards I went to dinner with David Colton and his wife Eileen as well as Linda and Gary Prange.  We discussed the Yankees, the Rondos and many other things under sun over hot food and a cold margarita. David had just a few weeks earlier been in the company of President Obama, and George Lucas, but I would bet our dinner conversation was better than that evening.  I returned to my room and called my wife, mother, etc. to let them know i was fine, and that at this point i was having a wonderful time.  I grabbed yet another margarita, and headed to see “The Lost Skeleton Returns Again” but faded about a half hour into the movie and retired to my hotel room. (The margaritas were kicking in).  Someone had set the alarm for 5:30 am but other than that i slept all night until about 9 am.  it had been a long day.

Had breakfast with Linda and Donna Lucas, and went back to the car. They sent yet another flatbed.  We waited. They finally got the car on its way, and I headed back to the hotel to try and salvage the weekend.  I made my first visit to the Old Dark Club House, and was blown away by the scope of the whole thing. The theme was the Captain Company who used to send all the mask and trinkets out of the back of monster mags and comics.  Lots of great ephemera, and great conversation filled the room.  I made a mad dash of the dealer room in its last hour.  Didn’t really buy much as I knew the car bill was going to sting. A few T-shirts, a bride of frankenstein soap for Jessica, Dracula and Frankenstein rubber ducks for Roxie, and then my eyes locked on...

(SIDE STORY) When i was a very young boy I had a Gizmo doll from the movie Gremlins that I adored.  I carried it everywhere.  One day when my older sister Bethenna was being mean (which I will admit was a rare occasion) she began to dip gizmo ear first into the hot tub very sinisterly, like you would see in an old movie. If got closer to her he went further under water.  He got eyeball deep on one side of his face, and when my mother saw what was happening and stopped my torture Gizmo’s eye paint had been forever ruined to look like a brown and orange glob of fire. Bethenna was sent to her room and I cried for days about it.  I still carried and loved him, and in high school actually started a band called One-Eyed Gizmo (that only played in garages). (END OF SIDE STORY)

...there he was. Gizmo. It had been close to 25 years since i had seen him with two eyes.  I picked him and gave him a shake and he squeaked just the same.  Another child had loved this particular doll, but it was like seeing an old friend.  I traded a Hamilton for him, and have at this point presented him to Marie.  I hope her and Roxie love him half as much as I had.  I spoke with Bob Burns a bit more, and feel very grateful to be in the mans presence.  Truly a wealth of Knowledge.

Back to the Old Dark Club House, Out to dinner with several new friends for some of the best Sushi I have ever had at Sapporo I sat down the way with Ethan Black, Joe Busam, and Larry Thomas along with Gary Prange  If ever you run into one of those guys, ask them about the Big Red Snapper joke. Tim And Donna Lucas (who write and run the amazing magazine Video Watchdog) had driven us and Tim shot some video post Saki that will probably be funny and embarrassing later.  Then it was running around trying to touch base with everyone.  Frank Dietz gave some wonderful speeches on his balcony, and then i hit another great highlight. The only person who had me totally geeking out was Ken Kelly, who paints fantasy art, and also did the covers for the KISS LOVE GUN and DESTROYER albums.  I said hello, but didn’t gush.

(SIDE STORY) I very proudly tell people that the KISS LOVE GUN tour was one of my parents first dates in high school.  While I wouldn’t call my father a huge KISS fan, and Lord knows my mother is not a fan, I like to think that they fell in love at that concert, as that in some way makes Gene Simmons responsible for my existence.  If I had a time machine, and could meet the young version of my parents, this is where i would start. (END OF SIDE STORY).

In the doorway of the clubhouse Joe Moe and I were discussing all things Forry Ackerman.  Joe and I had been talking in spurts over the weekend but this is the first time we had been really able to connect.  He shared some loving and thoughtful stories with me, and then Elizabeth Haney walked up to Joe Moe with some of Forrys personal effects.  I had been bummed that I missed them on display (for all of the other problems i had).  Joe Moe put in my hands Forry Ackermans personal copy of famous monsters of filmland #1, as well as the very first Sci-Fi book Forry ever bought in 1926 entitled Amazing Stories (Though Forry wouldn’t coin the phrase until a bit later).  Ackerman has said that the book talked to him, saying “Among all the magazines, that one said, ‘Take me home, little boy. You will love me.’”.  The cover has a giant insect, and a cover price of 25 cents.  Looking around that room covered in Monsters and filled with some of the greatest minds in the genre today, it was strange to think that some kid plunked down a quarter in 1926 and over 80 years later it had built this moment and these people. I think we are all better for it.

I stayed with Ethan and Linda on a rollaway bed i liberated from the hallway (sorry if I stole your bed person on floor 5). I packed up, said some goodbyes and had Ethan and Linda take me to western union and then the auto shop where I reacquired the car.  It was a longer drive home, and there is still a strange clicking noise, though the mechanic assured me  I was safe.  I came home and just hugged my wife and kids, knowing that I had nearly met doom just a few days earlier.

Needless to say it was an adventurous weekend.  I felt very taken care of, and much loved from the people who surrounded me. I look forward to catching up with them in the years to come, and look forward to calling my new friends my old friends next time we meet.