You know, for years, "they" said, "don't worry Shauna, just when you aren't looking, just when you least expect it, when YOU feel REAL good about yourself, love will run you over!" And I thought, right, I see you there, talking from your happily married standpoint, from your lovely, dovey relationship that everyone envies, from your holier than thou attitude like you know a secret i don't know!!! I see you there, all, happy, and stuff!!! I hated "them" and all "they" had to say. Smug, like they knew better. Why was I the lonely one? Why was I always the third-wheel, or the party left standing while others went around all happy?

I went through about 10 years of being "unlucky" in love. I have always been (fairly) gracious - love triangles are what they are, and if I was enamoured over someone, and they liked my best friend instead of me, well, I figured that really, it had nothing to do with me, and who was I to stand in the way of love!

So I bid my time, hoping I was at least learning at each heartbreak, cause if you don't learn, you're doomed to repeat. And, i guess that philosophy worked out okay. Cause, one day, after another string of strike-outs, I became okay with it. The strike-outs, that is. It's okay. Because I finally realized that I could not judge my worth by whether or not someone found me desirable, or attractive. I realized that just because the attraction I felt was not reciprocated, it did not make me unlovable. It had nothing to do with me at all, and everything to do with the other person.

In essence, I found my own worth. And I really liked me! Seriously, totally dug the hell out of myself. It no longer mattered to gain validation through another's eyes. It was freeing and invigorating!

And the bastards were right!! Oh how it was a double-edged sword! "They" were right!! And I was loathe to admit it. Oh bitter pill, oh evil "them". Now I hated them even more for being right.

But that wasn't all. I had become "them"!! I loved myself and loathed myself the day I caught myself saying to a dear friend, "don't worry, just when you aren't looking, just when you least expect it, when YOU feel REAL good about yourself, love will run you over!" (crap)

Well, doesn't that just beat all! So, on this day of honouring love above all else, spend some time adoring yourself in the mirror, cause you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

And all my love to mikey. I'm actually glad "they" were right, cause I couldn't be happier.

xo
shauna