So I'm going to my high school reunion this evening. 25 years - we were the Orwellian class. I'll be seeing a bunch of people I haven't seen since graduation.

I have very mixed emotions about this.

I mean, first of all, I never really fit in with most of the people at school. I don't know, maybe most people felt that way in high school. But I was definitely regarded as a bit odd by most of my classmates.

Not that I think this is a bad thing.

And then there's the whole "life path" thing.

See, I'm betting that most of my classmates will be the "married (or maybe divorced) with kids" type. That's certainly where most of them seemed headed back in the day. Safe little careers in the grown-up business world. Mortgages. 401k's.

I had some of that stuff for a while. Well, not the marriagekidsmortgage thing, but a career. I was a lawyer. Health care corporate law, if you can believe it. For seven years.

I'm getting over it, though.

So a few years back, I decided to chuck it. The lawyering thing made me miserable, and my clients were increasingly engaging in business practices I found unappetizing. So I went back to school for a while, studied psychology and education, then decided that path didn't really suit me, either.

So now, here I am. 43. Single and generally happy about it. Way over-educated. Trying to set myself up as a writer and artist. Recently relocated to Los Angeles and trying to find a day job to pay the bills until I start bringing in enough money from the writing and art to keep a roof over my head and the student loan wolf away from the door.

Career-wise, I'm effectively just starting out in a new field. Which is where everyone else I'll be seeing tonight was 15-20 years ago. I may have gone to high school with these people, I may be the same chronological age that they are, but I very much doubt that I'm in the same "place" as the rest of them now. Hell, I'm not even heading in their direction.

That's the thing. I don't fit in the "normal" world. I am what is referred to in statistical analysis as an outlier. In a lot of different respects, actually.

Why on earth did I agree to go to this thing?

It seemed like such a great idea a few months back. I had re-connected with a bunch of people on facebook - people I hadn't talked to or thought about in years. Seeing everyone face-to-face seemed like a great idea.

Except that it seems like most of my misfit friends won't be there, while the cheerleaders and jocks will.

And then there's the clothes thing. I have absolutely no idea what to wear.

I've never been one to obsess about my appearance - I have more important things to worry about. I just figure out what will get me by with the minimal effort, and go with it.

If this reunion were occurring back in my lawyer days, I would have thrown on one of my little Ellen Tracy suits, stashed a few business cards in my purse along with a tube of lipstick, and been done with it. No effort, no worries. I looked good, and I didn't have to think about it.

But I've been living la vida grad school the past few years, and my wardrobe currently runs more to jeans, over-sized men's shirts, and snarky political t-shirts. It's a look I'm normally comfortable with - sitting in some coffeeshop writing, or camped in front of my easel - but it certainly can't be called fashionable.

I figure most of the women attending the reunion will be dressing up a bit, and feel like I should probably make the effort to do so, as well.

But...

...I wasn't like them back then, so why try to be like them now?

Maybe I should show up in my jeans and mismatched Chuck Taylors. At least that way, they'll recognize me.

I'll be the one who doesn't look like everyone else.

-jane doe