I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night....

If I wasn't going on about my personal nonsense, I'd probably be watching the telly.

You remember that guy, you know the guy, that whenever you'd be sitting about the house feeling sorry for yourself, he'd smack you in the face and say

"What the hell are you doing? LET'S GO OUT AND PARTY!"

I wonder what that guy is doing right now...

Maybe he's sitting at home wondering what that guy who always sat around feeling sorry for himself is, and wishing he was around so he could motivate himself by motivating him...

Do you follow?

So my recent decision is that I'm giving up Acting professionally here in Los Angeles because there is nothing that this town is offering that I really want. I've recently read Henry Thoreau's "Life Without Principle" and he goes into some details about the insanity of the Gold Rush of the time. I feel I'm living in a similar insanity. Finally I went up on a hill and looked at all the folks mucking about in the mud trying to find their nuggets, and thought, fuck this...

And I wasn't happy acting anymore. I don't know why, but every acting book I know, and every actor I've spoken too who is in this for the long haul has spoken of some enigmatic all powerful desire that keeps them pushing on for that big prize.

I guess what I realized is that the prize I was lookng for wasn't here, in the entertainment industry, or in the life of an actor, or fame, fortune, success beyond my wildest dreams.

I just want to be happy with myself.

And right now... I'm not so much.

I'm a little tired actually.

And I don't know what to do anymore.

The whole world is wide open... Sometimes it seems like an adventure waiting to be had.

Othertimes, I just see a desert full of mirages.