Official Announcement
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an
Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's
political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production,
destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dick heads, and gives
you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!
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VA FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs
Virginia Friends: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell
them about the fat chick you tried to pick up
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FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and
hope that no one is late for the ride home.
Virginia Friends: Know some wild shit will happen, and set
up rally points.
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FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did
was wrong.
Virginia Friends: Will be sitting next to you saying,
Damn...that shit was fun, but i told you that bitch was a cop "
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FRIENDS: Cry with you.
Virginia Friends: laugh at you, then offer you a beer
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FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it
back.
Virginia Friends: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody
remembers who bought it in the first place.
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FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night
stand and leave them alone.
Virginia Friends: Will Crawl naked into the room with a
camera and hope for the tag team.LMAO sounds fun
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FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
Virginia Friends: Could write a book with direct quotes from
you, and title it "the shit that drunk dumbass said"
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FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd
is doing.
Virginia Friends: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left
you.
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FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
Virginia Friends: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"
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FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get
tossed out of the bar.
Virginia Friends: Will buck up and go after the bouncer for
touching you on the way out.
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FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that
night, and are sorry you couldn't come.
Virginia Friends: Will share their last dollar with you,
drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.
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FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've
had enough.
Virginia Friends: Will look at you stumbling all over the
place and say, "You better drink the rest of that shit, you know we
don't waste. That's alcohol abuse!!!" HAHAHAHA !!!!
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FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
Virginia Friends: Can't begin to remember who owes who money
after taking care of each other for so long.
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FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".
Virginia Friends: Will say "okay, just one more..." and then
2 minutes later "okay, just one more!".
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FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit
about you.
Virginia Friends: Will knock them the Fuck out!!
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Why Parents drink!
Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Mom" With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Mom,:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son Jon
P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.