This post will be a work in progress, so if you like it, check for updates. There's just too much crap out there to write it all at once. Now, I'm a drummer with average skills and music is an enormous part of my life. Therefore, that qualifies me as a music critic. Let's face it, fuckers, we all listen to something we know is shit, but I think most people can agree with the following question...How the fuck do some bands get a record deal? And who the hell is buying this shit? As always, feel free to comment or add your own thoughts!
Three Days Grace: I have to admit I have only heard a few songs from this band, but that is all that is needed to figure out this band stinks worse than a corpse's festering butthole. Lyrically alone proves this band not only doesn't deserve any kind of record deal, but couldn't win a shit-colored honorable mention ribbon in a 1st grade "write the worst garbage you can think of on paper with a giant fucking pencil the size of zucchini" contest. Examples: the song "I Hate Everything About You" states: "I hate everything about you/why do I love you?" Come on, thats really fucking stupid. The song "Home" states: "By the time you come home/I'm already stoned/You turn off the TV/And you scream at me/I can hardly wait/Till you get off my case." This is some of the worse shit ever written. Perhaps if you're always getting stoned, you would be smart enough to get off your ass, shut off the TV and leave the twat who is "on your case". Perhaps then you could write some lyrics with some sustenance.
Nickelback: Listen to "Rockstar". Enough said. Also the song where Chad Kroger sings "Kicking your ass would be a pleasure" and "I like your pants around your feet" are also three and half minutes of agonizing crap. I almost forgot to mention "Animals". This song also induces violent vomiting and chronic, explosive diarrhea. The only type of people I can picture listening to this garbage are underage, trash can headed, over testosteroned dudes who have had too much to drink and are pumping their fists in the air screaming "Fuck yeah!". For further comment on these songs, reread the last three sentences under the Three Days Grace entry.
Trace Atkins: I don't like country music, therefore I do not voluntarily listen to it. However, there are occasions where you are subject to torture against your will. Trace makes this list solely because of "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk". I fucking hate this. This song actually makes me pissed, and I'm not sure where to begin. First, let's not use a hip-hop term (whatever that means) in a country song that isn't really country at all, but a half-assed pop song with a dumb fucking cowboy hat on it. This song is neither hip-hop nor country. This song also makes an appearance on my "Worst Songs Ever Written" list. Now, I've actually given this song a listen, and I am just dumbfounded. I would rather put my balls in an Olive Garden cheese grater and have them in a salad then sit through the intro to this horseshit. At one point is this song, I heard "Got it goin' on like Donkey Kong". Ok, what the FUCK does that mean? Now please, whoever is buying this shit, STOP IT. DO NOT encourage this guy and his record company to make more of this shit. I don't get it. Also, Fuck you Trace Atkins.
Three Doors Down: (Second band with "3" in the name. Coincidence?) Another band I'm not real familiar with, simply because of the four songs I've heard. "Kryptonite", "Loser", "When I'm Gone" and "Here Without You" were all I needed to hear. These songs are boring both musically and lyrically. The success of the band from these songs mystifies me. The only way I can figure it, is that radio rotation was so over saturated with these songs that eventually people thought, "Gee...perhaps these songs aren't horrible and bland, and at best, striving for mediocrity. I have heard them 42 times today and now they have become numbing and meaningless, therefore, providing me with a familiarity that gives me a false feeling of security, making me feel safe and comfortable.". Just a theory.