I feel really useless for allot of reasons right now and I am really beginning to hate everything again.Lets just say the last 5 or 6 months have been super lame.
This is a vent so don't say i didn't warn you.
Ok....so in Feb. I quit my job at Burger King, One because it sucked, two I wanted to have a better job, and three I wanted to get my GED. My Boyfriend "who I love with all of my heart" has been taking care of me since then, and I Hate it. I hate having to rely on someone else to survive. I feel like a helpless little house wife and thats just not me. I have been looking for jobs everywhere and nobody is hiring and if the are they just yank me around. I resently thought that I got a job a K-Mart, went in for the interview and they said I was hired. That I just needed to come in and fill out my paper work and then I could start. I was really happy thinking shit was maybe falling into place for once, but that was 3 weeks ago. I have been in there 5 times now for them to tell me they can't find their HR Manager and They will have her call me. FML I don't know what to do?
I hate this town and I want out. There is no good here at all. I have no Good Friends left and no family that treats me like family. Seriously, how much bullshit does one person have to put up with before its enough. No lies, No emo crap, my childhood sucked ass, I was poor, my parents wouldn't ever let me hang out with any of the kids at school, all my relatives hated us for one reason or another, my relationship with my parents was abusive emotionaly and physicaly. I could ramble into all the fucked details but enuff is enuff.
Another example of me sucking at life is, my parents screwed me out of finishing drivers ed, and never taught me how to drive. I still don't really know how. I have only drove once and that was in a parking lot with lawrence.
Back to my 6ish month of pure shit.
During this time I have managed to get my GED, I got one fucking thing acomplished this hole fucking time. My boyfriend being the nice person he is has supported me during this time and it is putting a huge strain on him financialy and on us as a couple. I feel like we are miles apart sometimes and we are in the same room, I just remember how he used to look at me and treat me...and i miss it. Its not his fault about any of this and I really don't see why he even stays around. Everyone else I have ever cared for has left me with out even a second thought. I have tried to cope with these problems by drinking or other shit and this is not the way to get any of my shit together.
I really just don't know what to do anymore.....and it's really hard to stay positive.
ps. Lawrence I love you more that anything in the world and I wish their was some way I could make all this up to you.