Can you practice the art of silence?
Have you ever observed a situation as a participant instead of having to be the forefront attention monger?
It's amazing just how many people these days are bound and determined to be the center of attention. I wonder sometimes, who is their audience? If everyone is busy playing the center of attention, no one is really listening--they're too busy being the center of attention.
It's amazing to me what I can learn about humanity just by standing back, opening my ears and eyes, and observing what goes on around me. I had the distinct privelege of having 2 very big opportunities to do this very thing this past weekend. It floors me to learn how sitting in the corner, not saying a word, smiling and listening to everyone around me, and enjoying the time--certain people perceive me as actively doing things to upset others.
In my head, I'm thinking about what I'm witnessing. I'm watching those I love be themselves, and enjoying watching it. I'm learning nuances in character about those I love. I'm quietly catching on to little things that cause me to think more of my loved ones; that give me new insights into my relationship with them. Then, if I can remember them, they will help me deepen and strengthen the bonds I have with them. Take my husband, for example. I watched him socialize trying to make others around him feel more comfortable. Knowing him as I do, I know what he's doing is watching for other's insecurities, and helping them to feel more comfortable--giving them a smiling contact point for the event that is easily approachable. I admire and respect that, because part of the reason I'm sitting silently off to the side is my own societal fear of approaching people I don't know. I'm watching him converse ligthly with people regardless, and I wonder, do those 10 years of difference make that easier? He'll tell me no, but there are things that are easier for me to do today that weren't quite so 10 years ago, even 5 years ago. He loves me so what does he see when he looks at me, quietly passing the time with my knitting needles in hand. He stops once to make sure I'm happy doing what I'm doing, and when I verify that--he's off to the next interaction. (What? Me NOT be happy knitting?? Did hell freeze over?)
On the other hand, there are also people around me who don't like me. Some ignore me completely, while others stand, stare, and point. Do they think I don't see it? I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, I don't. Not really. Because I'm a people watcher. I watch to learn how to positively improve myself--what works, and what doesn't. If those types aren't doing anything positive to watch, I'm simply not watching. Somewhere along the line, maybe 10 years ago, the need to "watch the train wreck" was replaced with a need to never have to even see it coming.
Those who don't like me, I have learned, don't see a quiet knitter. Instead, while I'm quietly watching, they're filling their heads with doom and gloom about what I'm doing and thinking. Funny, how a simple hello and a smile are turned into such loathing, spiteful, and resentful perceptions. A wise person recently told me that when given any situation, we humans are doomed to append all our historical experience to that situation. Creating a static that blocks out the realituy of said situation. So, if I'm smiling and quietly watching, and someone sees me as "playing a martyr", I would then tend to wonder--weren't they really the martyr? We're so quick to assign our first-impression feelings to things we know absolutely nothing about.
Yes, even me. Right here. Right now.
I'm just trying to watch others to revise and interpret my assessments positively. Sort them out, and figure out who I want to be. Given what I observed this past weekend, I am happy to observe/learn how to be gracious and kind in my heart and mind at all times, private and public. I received the feeling of peace and calm in my heart, knowing that time after time I'm not a lemming. I don't follow everyone off the Brooklyn Bridge. I make a conscious effort in every situation to choose to handle things better and positively for all involved.
p.s. Honestly, I really was sitting and just knitting. That wise man also said, "What's good for you, has to be good for me, too. Vice Versa. No matter what." Yes, I believe that very much. Life is too precious to waste time on negativity.