I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I feel like I have almost everything that I want in my life at this point; a great job, going to a good school, my sorority, my loving family, a place to live, and a nice car to get me where I need to be. But to be honest, there's a hole in my heart that has been there for almost a year now. This hole is a product of missing someone that is more important to me than any amount of money, sorority, car, house, clothes, or any of my desires. I feel like it's a struggle to live my life sometimes because I'm missing a part of me, a person that has brought joy to my life like no other! He is what makes me smile and tingle inside everytime I see him. I find myself still getting nervous around him even though I've known him for close to four years. My mind is telling me to stay in California and live my life because of all the opprotunity out there, but my heart is telling me that I love this man so much and that if I moved back to North Carolina this hole in my heart will no longer exist. I'm the type of person that will let my heart lead the way over my mind but I'm afraid that he may still have feelings for someone else or that my heart will be broken again. I want him to be mine all over again and I want to give him that unconditional love that I'm so use to giving him. I feel like staying here in NC so that I won't have to leave him again, but I also feel like just grabbing him and taking him to CA with me because I know we would be better off out there. I feel like I need to tell him exactly how I feel and what I think before it's to late but I don't want to scare him and I have no idea where to begin. This is the guy I want to spend my life with, start a family with. He's not the easiest man to love but he's fun to love and he keeps me on my toes and that's something I need. I feel like we balance each other pretty well and we make each other better...we're each other's foundation. I LOVE HIM and I always will! I just wish there was sign telling me if I should let him know what I'm feeling, or telling me whether I should come back to NC or stay in CA. I apologize to him for moving to CA and leaving him...my heart will always be his!