(please when reading this do not take it personal I write this to vent and as before all things, words are appreciated) I've been so worried about everyone else… this was for me.) 

Things people say in the end…. 

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.  Imma pray for you. I've been praying harder then ever. I have not prayed in a long time I'm gonna pray for you. I prayed so hard.  Anything you need? Anything at all? And I mean anything. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm there for you. Call me. Call me at anytime I don't care…just if you need to talk. Coffee? Lunch? Dinner?

This is so horrible. So tragic, how's your family? Are they okay? I know. I know what you are going through. I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel. I know how you feel my mom just passed.  I know how you feel my dad just passed. Nothing even compares to your loss. I've been there. Is there any news? Nothing to say, nothing I can say. This is a tough one. It's hard to know what to say…nothing. Whatever you need … call me when you're ready to talk, I didn't want to call and overwhelm you, we were looking for the right time to call, I know people must have been constantly calling you that's why I wanted to wait. Let's not talk about it unless you want to. Let's not talk about it. Only if you want to….

You wouldn't see me for 10 years. You wouldn't see me. I would be in a cave.

I can't believe you are even standing right now. How are you? Are you okay? Really? How is your family? Oh my GOD I'm so sorry. I watched the news every day. We watched everyday. He was watching and following the news every day. I saw the email. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. What's mine is yours. I know that guy did this…what do you think? Can't talk about it, huh?  Did they catch him? What is going on with the investigation? Oh I understand. I'm here, I'm worried about you, I can't believe you are still standing, are you sure you're okay? You were so quiet. Have they caught him? We don't have to talk about it… of course.

Are you slowly working yourself back in? How is your mom? I don't even know what I'd do. I know I would be a mess. I can't even imagine, it just doesn't seem real, I know this is tough, how do you manage your depression? I have no words, How are you holding up? Are you holding up? Hold up now. Want to eat. Sex?

Are you dealing okay? I'm so sorry. I'd be in a cave if this happened to me.

You know this is a street thing, right? We need to handle this, All I have to do is give a nod and it's on, aint no talking it's done. You wouldn't see me in ten years. I was looking at my sister and it touched me so deeply. I have daughters and I cant  ever imagine. I've never had anyone close to me that this happened to. I wanted to see how you were doing? I'm not gonna say nothing unless you want to talk. I know this can't even compare not even close but guess what happened to me? Wow. I didn't know her but I know you and I thought about you every day. I think about you every day.  I feel your loss. I'm so saddened by your loss so I wrote this song. Read my poem. You're loss woke me up…how come you didn't respond to how much it touched my life?

Are you okay? I have not heard from you. This is crazy. How was your holiday? How was your thanksgiving that had to be hard. Are you happy? I see you're smoking again. Did they catch him? So that was her body? Do you know who did this? I'm sure you don't want to talk about this. What are the cops doing? You sure? I'm glad the media covered a black woman that went missing. Why hasn't Oprah done a show on this? These men these days? Huh? I can tell you what woman should do from now on. This is why I can't stand men. I can tell you what I would have done. It must be nice to know how so many people love you.

Response:

No one can know my pain. It is the loneliest pain one could ever feel.. At the end of the day there is only one person who matters to me….Nailah.

I remember her with sharp tears and swallowed breaths of sorrow. And then I pick up the rest of the pieces of my life and I walk outside into the cool breeze to start another day.

I continue to live in honor of Nailah. No one person can ever take that away from me. It has always been the loneliest journey. Not so bad when you know the end of the story means I will see her again. My sister. My little Queen who Succeeds.

In the end this is what they will say about me when I am gone….it continues on..... that song.