"Pudgeboy over here decided to run away from the infamous captain John Ill, I guess our bosun ought to teach 'im a lesson. 40 Lashes before the mast!" the captain of the decrepit  ship Floating Broccoli yelled to his badly shaven and bathed crew.
I responded, "John Ill, I..."
"Captain John Ill to you, Pudge boy."
"Captain John Ill, I do believe that the Holy Bible states that one shall not receive more than 39 lashes at the mast."
"That's a book, right? We don't read books on this ship. To the brig! Obviously you need a punishment worse  than lashes. You must drink three pints of  bilge!"
I am incredibly partial to taste, saying that I have tasted many things, including bilge, to find that bilge does not taste good. I had to find a way out and fast.I dug in my pockets for something to help me. A small bird, a paper clip, and a bag of pepper that I carry around was all I could find. Oh shnickka, I thought.