It is raining again, which California desparately needs and, while I overslept this morning, necessitating my boss having to do my trip to the airport, I learned that I have moved past the space of beating myself up when I make mistakes. Also dicovered this week past that I don't react in a knee-jerk fashion when someone else is having a bad day. This is really nice.
   Busy on some days and not so on others. Yesterday was a busy one, with a large enough break in the middle to allow me to use an extra ticket from my bosses to see a live production at the Community Center: Avenue Q, which is a lot of fun and a bit raunchy in some parts. One of my favorite songs in the show is "We're All a Little Bit Prejudiced";  amen to that.
  Just started reading Caroline Myss' Entering The Castle and it, along with Kathleen Norris' Acedia, is a book which demands attention and slow reading. Slowing down is critical just now: I am struggling emotionally with the need to get my sister on a better financial footing along with the fact my brother is not having any luck getting/finding work and I may be helping support him soon. My mind wants to kick into over-drive, stressing and worrying and running in circles. I KNOW that is productive of nothing except loss of sleep and frayed nerves.
   Crazy, challenging times we are in, economically; there's a huge paradigm shift needed though what that would include, I am not clear. I just think that focusing on getting people 'spending again' won't help: it is what got us where we are. We need a new vision of how to BE on this planet, one where keeping up with the Jones' is viewed as an anomaly rather than the norm.
   I keep asking why I am here. Survival is an answer, though there is a need for more definition. Spending my time running to keep up doesn't cut it and watching others struggle to find meaning in new shopping centers and huge McMansions tells me that isn't the path I want to take either.
   Turning 52 this month is creating space to dig into the age-old questions, not to mention the need.
   Time to find the shovel.