alleycat: an illegal race, in an urban environment, with checkpoints the racers can do in any order. there are basically no rules, but sportsmanship is key. often themed for extra excitement!

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so i've missed out on a couple alleycats in the past, being that they were either so rainy that i didn't wabnt to race (and die), or i was deathly sick.
this tme, although i'd had a crazy week (crashed tuesday, pulled over by the cops on wedsnesday, crashed hard thursday) and had a nastly little cold brewing, i was ready. i'd recently got a helmet camera for my birthday from my ever loving friends and room-mates and i REALLY wanted to get some awesome video of the messengers ripping it up downtown.

saturday, the race is to benefit an aid's lifecycle ride. the race is a drag race, and so, every boy must dress as a girl, and every girl, a boy. AJ had stayed over at my house, and as we gradually worked off the hangovers from last night, we got all dolled up, with the help of tara (and her makeup). we rocketed off downtown. the race started at pier 7, on the embarcadero. we roll up and lo and behold here are at least 30 messengers, ugly,hungover, smely, tattoos and scars all over their bodies-- dressed as girl scouts, cheerleaders, prostitutes, mothers, with even an appearance from goldilocks! we hang out a while, wait for everyone to show up. we talk. i'm pointing out the two riders i think are strong contenders. one is sean, who works for speedway with me, and is REALLY fast, and the other is tommy (whose name i didn't yet know) because i see him downtown sometimes, and he is just ripping traffic apart. it's beautiful to see (and i'll film it really soon so y'all CAN see it). i'm guessing maybe 50-60 riders where there all in all. maybe more. a couple announcements are made, benefit, thanks, manifests, money, yadda yadda yadda. we get the list of checkpoints, and there are seven.

1. havey milks plaza (castro and market)
2. AIDS memorial in golden gate park
3. windmill at the end of golden gate park, near ocean beach
4. lombard gate to the presidio (lombard and lyon)
5. the park at gough and union
6. aunt carlie's in the TL (100 bock of turk)
7. the eagle tavern (12th and harrison)


the finishline was to be at the park at potrero and chavez.

after a quick gander at the list, sean decided on a route, we all looked at it and realised that it was pretty much the best. we'd take the broadway tunnel to union and gough, down lombard to the gate, up the presidio hil, meander through the richmond, hit the windmill, then through the park to the aids memorial, then to harvey milk plaza, then to aunt charlis, finally the eagleand the potrero park.

this route seemed to make alot of sense, but we only had a few minutes to think about it before we all of a sudden opeople were riding away, all that i could see seemed to be heading towards the broadway tunnell. this was at once comforting that we'd picked the right route, but also realising that everyone probably had the same route, and that we'd get bogged down in the pack. i hastily turned my helmet camera on, threw the camcorder into my backpack and rode off.
there was a really strong headwind as we climbed up the hill towards broadway, i was cold from standing around at the pier for over an hour, my lock was digin into my back really hard, i was carrying all this weigh in camera and battery and al lthe other shit i just left in my messenger bag (tools, tubes, pump, bungee cords, etc). all the kids of fixies were working it up the hill and i was resigned to having fun, riding as hard as i could, but recording as much as i could. we mob the broadway tunnel , go through on the road, i looking all the while for a good skitchto take me all the way through the tunnel (and past all the other folks huffing and puffing against the headwind. nothing appeared though. through the tunnel, breaking through cross traffic on polk, horns and screaching tires. i'm close behindf travis po, the guy who makes all those "freight baggage" messengers bags that are(were) so god damn- hip right now (3 months ago). we was going really fast, and the scooter with the video camera was trailing him. he was riding a fixie with ( i think) no brakes, and did a gnarley cut cross van ness at vallejo. i was pretty impressed. we all get to the park at union and gough, and circle around looking for the checkpoint. the checkpoint person hadn't showed up yet. after a couple exasperated howls, one of the guys on the scooter got of and was all "oh yeah! this i my checkpoint!" and started signing manifests. i got mine signed quickly, and got out as soon as i could. took off down union, zig zagged for a while till i hit lombard and rode lombard up to the gate. my friend margaret was the checkpoint there, she was straddling the cannon, and giving out "enjoy coke products" stickers instead of signing manifests. i puled up behin the cannon and got my sticker. towards the presidio hill. this i was not looking forward to. t's steep, and windy, and i wasn't feeling all that great. but it passed pretty quickly. i was cutting out into traffic the whole time, trying to get them to slow down just enough for me to catch a wheel well and skitch teh whole way up the hill. no such luck. this kid james who is no longer a messenger (has had knee troubles) was rocking his fixed hgear, and passed me, up that hill, no even looking like he was trying. i suddenly remember how fast that guy was and how i should have pointed him out as a contender along with sean and tommy.

aj had been on the radio a couple times, he was ahead of me, wanting me to catch up. he lives in the richmond, and knows it really well. he barked out a little advise over the radio with massive wind noise meaning i really didn't hear more and a single street name here and there. i gues sthe rest. we turned down clay, and i felt warm and comfortable, i felt like i was getting into my stride. i passed a couple riders, i guess i turned left on arguello, then right onto california. rocked down california for a while. wanting a skitch, but finding nothing worthwhile. i talk to aj on the radio, and he shouts 23rd. i roll down cal to 23rd, make a left, and shoot up 23rd. i think i see aj's helmet and bag way up ahead. about 3-4 blocks away. i get toward the park and a steep hill, i turn right away from the hill and eventually get to fulton. i'm shooting down fulton, haven't seen any other riders in 10 minutes, feeling like i was probably pretty far behind, or had taken a really bad route. as the 24/25? ave entrance approaches, i see the the ninja (tommy is dressed as a ninja) and james whizz along 24th right in front of me. "yes!" i shout, "the chase is on!". now i have something to film, i have people to pace me. i have people to talk to! we go through the park, all going pretty quickly, james mashing it up, obviously the strongest rider of the three of us. i look behind and see sean a block's length behind. i good crew to film. james and i are in the front of this little pack, and at one point james asks me where the windmill is. i was pretty sure i could get to it, but was second guessing myself a little. i lead us all to the windmill the perfect way. we get there and fail to see a checkpoint! i'm scared...this is rediculous! suddenly soneone shouts that they see bikes. we shoot over to the bikes and see chriss carrier and his friend hanging out with a vibrating purple dildo and a stack of condoms. the task is to put a condom on the dildo and take your picture with it. we all do this, get our manifests signed (which i had stufed into my underwear since the dress i'd been loaned by my sister had no pockets. they give us a hand ful of condom each, and those too get stuffed into the grundies. we take off again. james and i leading through the park, followed closely by tommy and sean, and i see behind me now, AJ's crazy helmet. as we take off i see maestro and his friend coming towards the checkpoint.

i pull up beside a car as it's stopped at a traffic light, the window is open, and i ask if they want to give me a lift. the girl in the passenger seat smiles as i pass them. i pedal on, look behind me, and see them coming up slowy to my bike. i'm ready to move over and grab onto the window when they blow past me real fast. bastards were taunting me. i cycle on. james in now 50 feet ahead, i think tommy and AJ are behind him, then me, and sean behind me. we all bust through the park, i catch up the james and he asks if i know how to get to the aids memorial. i know exactly how to get there, and again lead us on the perfect route through the park to the aid memorial. AJ is slightly in front when he passes a sign forthe aids memeorial that leads down some stairs. he slows, approaches the stairs and i shout that there are stairs. i wanted to keep going straight to th ramp down into the aids memeorial, but tommy leaps off his bike, and vaults down the stairs. i follow suit and we arrive at the bottom, in the glen, and see no-one for the checkpoint. there are some people playing volleyball, and as we all shoot forward uop the ramp, we see wendy at the top as the checkpoint person. we roll up and there are are couple people, two face (aka ryan), maestro and his friend. i was feeling like we were doing pretty well up until then, when i realised that we may just be stuck in the middle of a extended pack. we get our stamps, and head out of the park, towards stanyan. we are a solid group now, tommy, aj, sean, james and i. we shoot through traffic at stanyan, mash along oak, somehow loose james around this point. we hit a red light at masonic, start shouting as we approach, two lanes of fast traffic going each way, tommy magically pushes his way through the middle of traffic, like they are not even solid. we push hard and make it through ok. a little sketchey, but amazing. we bust down oak some more, and i suddenly realise that we hadn't worked out how to get to coastro and market from here. i mention this to sean. "how the fuck are we geeting to the castro?"
"take devis"
"what? overthat hill?"
"do you have a better idea?"
"uh...no"
so we all turn right on devisadero and up the hill, crank and all of a sudden are at teh top of the hill. we have such momentum and excitement now that we are pretty much unstoppable. the hill was absolutely nothing. we take another hill, rip down castro to harvey milk plaza, get some makeup put on us, and then some signatures. shoot down market, ou posse still intact. i catch a skitch on the rear wheelwell of a car, and tommy pull up to the open window and grabs that! we have two people skitcing the same car, his rear wheel is 2 inches from my front and i scream at him for stealing my skitch and leg go, we are at the top of the hill at guerrero at this point and bust through teh intersection. shooting down market, forcing our way with shouts and sreams, arms waving through van-ness. 3-4 lanes EACH WAY! pushing hard, muscling the car out of the way. fucking crazy shit. it's amazing to remember seeing the cars shooting towards me, being bigger, more aggressive, literally FORCING through the intersection. i hit the trams track all wrong on the other side, nearly get a wheel stuck, (that would have been nasty). cut through to aunt charlies which i was worried about, because i had no idea where it was, but we'd heard that it was the 100 block of turk, and lo and behold there it was! fuck yeah....home free after this, i knew where the park was, i knew where the eagle tavern was. we zig zag all through the SOMA, hit the eagle, they tell us that we are the first they've seen that have all the stamps. we are stocked, he, maybe...just maybe.

we all shoot down harrison, take 24th, and hit the park at the bottom. i'm first past the folks waiting there. we ask them were the checkpoint is, and they say it isn't here yet. we roll around looking for it, we cross the road and see if it's at teh ballpark across the road. we go back and ask them to be the checkpoint, becausethere was no-oneelse there, and more riders will start showing up any minute. they take our names down.

techically, i came in first, but our whole group should really share joint #1. I'm still pretty amazed that i won my first alleycat. and i'm really stoked that we beat the pants off all the posers that hang out at one post , think they are hot shit, but wouldn't give us (real) messengers the time of day. good shit.

this is long, so i'll leave it at that.
peter