Chapter 51

Pain is verification of one’s existence.    Proof of life.   I wonder if it’s perhaps that the very process of living, the constant division, multiplication, and death of the body’s cells that creates a nearly constant white noise of pain.   But, like any other white noise, eventually we grow so used to it that we don’t even notice our body’s slow constant death anymore…    But then your foot falls asleep, or something else happens, something that grants you a brief reprieve from the cycle of death and rebirth; and when it reawakens you feel the burn of cellular death anew…    No wonder babies cry…

Beeping woke me.   That, and the dry ache in the deep of my throat.

My first thought was ‘Ow…’ my second was ‘Where’s Loki?’ and my third was a puzzled ‘Wait, I’m still alive?’

Even though I couldn’t breath through my nostrils thanks to the breathing tube, a familiar antiseptic mortuary stench lingered in my nose.   I could tell from that where I was, so it didn’t surprise me to find a hospital’s ceiling tiles when I finally persuaded my eyes to open.   I slowly blinked the bleariness out of my eyes and when they’d cleared enough for me to make out the pores in the ceiling panels, I tried to turn my head to look around, the trach tube resisting the movement in a nauseatingly internal way.   To my left was the bank of monitors and my I.V. drip, slowly I let my eyes drift across the room, over the blue blanket that covered my body, the brace that held my left arm close to my chest, and the little metal clip around my right index finger, and finally to my right were a few uncomfortable-looking chairs.   Mom was passed out in Dad’s lap, his head slumped over her breathing noisily as he slept, just shy of an actual snore.   I couldn’t speak with the tracheal tube in, so I started to sit up, only to have a hot bolt of pain liquefy my muscles.

Ooh, SO not gunna try that one again…

Looking around my bed I finally located the ‘call nurse’ button and reached for it with my good arm, trailing the tether that connected one of the machines to the blood pressure reader on my finger.   A minute or so later an older man with hair and a goatee just beginning to salt and pepper came in, a strongly build woman in lavender scrubs with thick brown ponytail following.

“Welcome back to the land of the living Mr. Walker, nice to see you awake.” He said in a gruff rumbly voice, he used a pen-light to check my pupils while the woman picked up a clipboard from beside my bed and started writing down things from the various machines attached to me.   I pointed over toward my parents with my meter-encumbered finger; he followed my gesture then nodded and stepped over to John and touched his shoulder lightly, speaking his name.

John startled awake, and looked quickly around the room, before he noticed me looking at him.   I raised my eyebrows and saluted him sardonically with my tethered fingers.   He whispered my name and emotions I’d never seen in him before crashed through his wide blue eyes and around the room; sorrow, relief, joy… and love…   Shaking Mom awake, they both rushed over to me.

“Oh Jimmy, thank heavens!” Mom cried out as tears burst from her eyes and she threw her arms around me in a huge Mom-Hug.   My shoulder immediately flared up like a hot poker, making my eyes bulge as I flailed my arms, my reflexive gasp conflicting with the machine doing my breathing for me, rewarding me with a hurried beeping from the E.K.G.   Thankfully she got the picture, and stepped back into John’s arms.   “I’m sorry baby, I got carried away…” and she laughed, while tears still poured down her cheeks, but they were happy tears now.   John held her shoulders and she put her hands atop his.

I looked meaningfully at the doctor and pointed at my breathing apparatus, and then threw my thumb over my shoulder; universal sign language for ‘This. Out. Now!’.

“You want that tube out?” He clarified, and I nodded while pleading with my eyes.   “That should be fine now.   Nurse, could you please help me sit him forward…” They helped me sit up, and I clenched my eyes around the pain from my shoulder and my right side.   “You okay son?” He asked, and I nodded despite the perspiration that filmed my skin.   He unhooked the machine from my mouthpiece and I got my first lungful of unfiltered hospital air, “Okay, we’re going to count to three, on two I want you to take a deep breath, and push out on three, understand?”   I nodded again, and he grasped the end of the tube.   “Here we go now, one… Two…” I sucked in a deep breath through the open tube, “And three…” and as I pushed out the air in my longs, he pulled the impossibly long tube out of my throat.   It felt like being attacked by an alien face-hugger in reverse, I could feel the end of the tube work it’s way up from impossibly deep inside my chest and up my throat.   As soon as my throat was clear I started coughing violently and reached up to hold my throat with my good arm.   I really wanted to vomit, but thankfully I was able to hold my stomach in check as the nurse to got me some water.   I took the little plastic cup from her with shaky hands and drank greedily; it didn’t quite cool the fire in my throat but dear God it felt good!

“I was afraid we’d lost you…” A soft voice spoke beside me, and at first I didn’t recognize its owner, I’d never heard John speak like that before.

I looked up at him and grinned, “Oh c’mon, you’re not rid of me that easily…” I croaked in a horrifying parody of my voice, which sent me into another coughing fit.   John looked at me while the muscles in his jaw worked, it looked like he was chewing on words, and trying to find the ones he wanted to say.   Finally, his blue eyes shimmering, he just put his hand on my good shoulder and squeezed, “I’m proud of you son…”

My heart clenched.   I wanted to say something witty and sarcastic back at him, but I couldn’t make my voice work around the tears that were burning my eyes, so I just smiled at him instead, putting my hand on his.   We stayed there for a moment, until out of the blue the perfect words came to me.   I grinned a little wider, “Gee Dad, if I’d’a know all it would take to make you proud of me was to pass P.E, and face an insane bloodthirsty religious zealot; I’d I done it sooner!”

He laughed, “You little shit…”

“Admit it, you wouldn’t want me any other way…” I teased as the nurse ran a loop of clear plastic tubing around my head and situated a piece in my nostrils to feed me oxygen.

He sighed wearily, “Yeah, you’re probably right…”

I reached out and took Mom’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly as my smile dropped.   “Where’s Loki, is she alright?”

“Loki’s here, she’s doing fine.” She said softly.    “In far better shape than you I daresay; she’s been here with us as often as she could while we were waiting for you to wake up.   The bullet broke a rib, but they removed it fine and she’s recovered marvelously.    They’ve got her stuck in a wheelchair, but she’s almost back to her full hellion potential.” She looked away from me sadly, “Not everyone else has done so well though…”

“Bo…” I said it like it was both a question and a statement.

“He’s in a coma, unresponsive so far…”

Judging from the light coming in under the drawn curtains of the window, it was sometime during the day.   “How long have I been out?” I asked suspiciously.

Mom sighed and her smile slipped, “The three and half longest days of my life…”

I smiled at her sadly, trying to tell her that everything would be all right now, even as my brain started trying to regain control over everything that had transpired.   I swallowed hard and winced.   I remembered everything perfectly… everything… even killing a man…

“Jack…” I said quietly.

“He’s dead, the police are still puzzled about the whole thing though…   There are a lot of things that don’t make sense, like how a dog managed to get into the school, and why it would attack him…” John thought aloud.   My eyes drifted over to Mom’s, trying to impress the importance of silence upon her with my eyes.   She smiled and winked subtly.   I love my Mom!

“Yeah, weird…” I muttered.   “When do I get to see Loki?”

“Nurse Catlynn, would you mind getting Jessica for us?” Mom asked, smiling at the nurse.   She still hadn’t spoken a single word, but she nodded and left the room.   Returning a short while later pushing my mate in a wheelchair.   My breath caught as I saw those familiar emerald eyes, those eyes I thought I’d said goodbye to forever in a dusty school closet.   I strained my arm out for her as far as the pain would let me.   And at the first touch of her skin on mine; joy flooded through me from her touch.   Her hands were shaking but she leaned forward in her chair to rub her cheek into my hand, spreading the wetness of her tears over my fingers.   I closed my eyes and heaved a deep breath, my chest feeling tight, and yet liberated at the same time.   She turned her face to kiss my palm, and looked up at me with glistening eyes and ruddy cheeks.

“You son of a bitch, don’t you ever do that again!” she cried, and then laughed sadly, tears falling out of her eyes and rolling down the tracks on her cheeks in fat drops.

“I’m sorry baby…” I started.

“I thought I’d lost you!” she screamed at me, clenching my hand so hard it would have hurt if I didn’t have bullet and knife wounds to compare it to.

I looked away and muttered softly, “You almost did.   They… sent me back, they wouldn’t let me go.”

“Who?”

I looked back at her sadly, “Corwin… and Fen…” That was the last straw, my mouth stretched taught in a grimace and I clenched my eyes shut as the tears came again; great sobs racked my chest, aggravating my wounds, but I couldn’t stop them.   I could hear Loki and my mother crying anew; Loki’s face in my hand, Mom’s buried in John’s shoulder as he rubbed her back and held her.

Raw emotions churned through the room and pressed heavily on my chest.   Finally a chirping sound startled us out of our reverie, and John let go of Mom with one hand to pull his cell phone out of his pocket.   “Hello?   Oh, where are you?   We’re right down the hall, three-oh-six.   Okay.”   He flipped his phone closed, and looked down at Mom, “They’re here.”

“Who’s here?” I asked, and a moment later there was a rap on the door.   I sighed irritably “Well, come in I guess.” I’d already killed the only person (that I knew of) that was after my life, so if someone came in gunning for me; it pretty much meant God was smiting me and there wasn’t much I could do about it…

My annoyance evaporated into a smile as a familiar pair of dark-skinned faces peeked around the opening door.   “Taylor, Rene!” I shouted happily.

“We flew down here as soon as we could, I’m glad to see you’re awake!” Taylor gushed, his face spreading into a relieved grin.

“Had a hell of a time finding the place too, Mapquest would have had us ten miles out of town if I hadn’t just told him to follow those blue ‘hospital’ signs instead.” Rene said, somewhat breathless as though she’d just been jogging, “And then, once we finally found the damn hospital, we got lost in it!”

“I’m glad you’re here, it’s really good to see you.   And besides, it gave you an excuse to finally come to Colorado!”  

Rene smiled and pinched the bridge of her nose while shaking her head.   “You know, there are better ways to get somebody someplace than getting yourself shot…”

“Hey, whatever works!” I shrugged.

Rene opened her eyes and looked at Loki, “Ah, and you must be the infamous Lady Loki that stole this poor boy’s heart.”

“Yup, and now he’s stuck with me whether he likes it or not.   I took a freakin’ bullet for him, and now his soul is mine!” she said, clenching my hand to her chest.   “All mine!”

“Okay, the suspense is killing me; now that we’re all here, will somebody please tell me what happened after I left Loki in the closet?”

“Well, first off, I just have to say…” Loki started, looking at me sternly, “If I am ever in a life-threatening situation again; do not EVER leave me with Kat!   She’s a nice girl and all, but I’d rather just fend for myself thanks!   She wasn’t even injured and she still went into shock, virtually worthless!   She just sat there all deer-in-the-headlights, muttering to herself.   The only useful thing she managed to do was open the damn door with me leaning on her, and it still took her three tries!   I mostly carried my own ass out to the cops.”

“Sorry hon, but I didn’t really have a lot of options…” I muttered sullenly.   “And she did just watch someone she knew shoot up her school.”

“It’s all right babe, I’m just bitching.   Anyway, I heard more shots as we went out what used to be the front foyer, but it still took the police a couple more minutes to get there.   They went in, got everybody out, I had no clue if you were even still alive until your parents came to see me after they took my bullet out.   Police came, interviewed all of us, though what happened in the library is between you and him.   And unless the police have a necromancer on retainer, you’re probably the only one who knows.   You were found shot, stabbed, knife still in your side, bleeding, unconscious, and naked of a pile of your shredded clothes.   They found that bastard’s body in the quad, throat gone, dog prints and fur all around him.” Her eyes narrowed, as she looked sideways at me, while Taylor and Rene looked deeply at each other.   “The cops are baffled, nothing makes sense to them.”   Implying it made sense to others, such as those in the room now looking at me like I had lobsters crawling out my ears.

“Okay, so what’s the final tally?   Damage report please?” I asked, steering the conversation away from carnivorous lunar activities.

“Tracy Walsh and Officer Jenson are both dead.   Tracy was knocked down in the rush and those goddamn sheep trampled her.   I never much cared for her, but she didn’t deserve to die like that…   And then that fucker used Bo as a shield and shot Jenson through him…”

“Bo?” I asked.

“Bo’s…” Loki started, but the doctor picked back up when she faltered.

“He’s in a coma, like you were.   He’s still hanging on for now, but he’s unresponsive.   He suffered a serious blow to the head, and the lung he was shot through collapsed: a machine is doing all his breathing for him.   He made it through surgery, but some of us are afraid he might be locked in a vegetative state.”

His body was still alive, but no one was home…   It just might be possible…

No one seemed to notice that my eyes had focused just a little beyond the room, and Loki continued when the doctor was done, squeezing my hand.   “I think the paper said that there were about 60 injuries, mostly from panic or broken glass, only ten were serious though.   Three fatalities, including… him…   So far anyway.” She sighed and pressed her face into my hand again.   I could feel her emotions flowing from her hand and into me, flooding through those channels that were always tuned to her.   Relief and love for me, hatred for Jack, fear for Bo, grief for Fen, and sadness for everyone else.  

She was very busy inside.

I twisted my hand around so I could cup the back of her head and pull her into my shoulder while I turned my head to look at the doctor.   “Hey Doc, is there any chance I could see Bo?”

He closed his eyes and crossed his legs, a stern crease forming on his forehead.   “Not right now, we still have to finish checking you out.   Maybe later, if his parents are alright with it.”

“Well then, lets get this show on the road!   Time’s wasting, and I can’t afford it, so let’s get rolling!” I smiled cheerfully, free for the first time of any overshadowing fear.   The shadow from my dream, the shapeless darkness that pursued me, was finally gone and no longer dogging me like a specter of fate.   While hope still remained, there was one more soul that I wouldn’t let that madman tear from me.

The doctor seemed surprised, “Are you sure you’re ready?   You’ve been through a terrible ordeal—“   

“And have had sixty-plus hours of beauty sleep!” I cut him off, “I’ve had plenty of rest, and I’m about ready for some action now thank you.”

He shook his head bemusedly while the rest of my family looked around the room, and a tense little typhoon of auric energy boiled between John and Taylor, who were pretty much sizing each other up in true manly-man fashion.   One of the few benefits of bisexuality is that I really didn’t feel the urge to prove my masculinity like so many of my perfectly straight counterparts.

“I just don’t get it…” The doctor muttered, “Both you and her have both bounced back from your injuries and surgery as though nothing serious happened.   Your shoulder is slower, but both of you are healing at an amazing rate and I just can’t figure out why…”

I smiled impishly at him, flashing my fangs, “Good metabolism?”   And May’s Full Moon…

*          *          *          *

Several hours, a multitude of tests, and most of my patience later; they finally loaded me into a wheelchair and rolled me down the hall to the elevator.   Movement led to the sensational discovery of my catheter, which was delightful in a permanently-kicked-in-the-balls, deep-in-your-gut, why-God-why-did-you-put-nerve-endings-there kind of way.   Once I was situated in the chair however, I quickly relegated that discomfort to the background noise of pain; really not that bad compared to my shoulder and the myriad of general aches and pains from too long without activity, and we set out.   My phantom ears swiveled to catch the little bits of nurse gossip that were passed as the new nurse and I, followed by Rene pushing Loki, wheeled by.   Mostly having to do with Loki and I’s ridiculous recovery.   Almost disappointing that we didn’t have the normal human healing to help us blend in with the flock…   My remorse lasted about as long as a shark devouring a guppy.

We were loaded into the wide elevator and lifted up another couple floors to where they had Bo hooked up in intensive care.   They wheeled me into the room and I took in Bo, lying in a bed much like I had that morning.   Finger in clamp, blue blanket, tracheal tube, intravenous drip, and a cluster of machines either metering or assisting his body’s life system.   One of his eyes was swollen purple blue, and a large bandage was wrapped around his head.   His parents looked up at me when we entered, their eyes sunken and weary, their vitality and soul sucked out by the endless hell of not knowing if their child would wake up or not.   I reached out with my good hand and introduced myself.   We exchanged pleasantries, though their words were as hollow as their eyes, practiced routines that didn’t require thought or conviction.

“If it’s all right with you, I’d like to try something.   I don’t know for sure if it’ll help or not, I just know it won’t hurt to try…”

Eyes too hurt and afraid to hold hope looked at me, really looked at me for the first time.   “What will you do?”

“I’m going to try to find the soul that should be in this shell, and put it back.”

They looked at each other uncertainly.   Then Bo’s father seemed to make the decision; he took my hand between both of his rough dark-skinned hands.   Bo had his father’s skin and build, but his mother’s bright blue eyes.   “Do you really think it could help?”

I smiled at him, “It brought me back…”

He closed his eyes a moment, his face long and somber and then nodded, releasing my hand and taking his wife’s back.

“Just promise me that you won’t make a sound, and that no matter what; you won’t try to interrupt me.”

They nodded at me, and sat forward in their chairs to watch while I kissed Loki and then had Rene wheel me over next to Bo.   My good hand had been getting quite a bit of attention today, and I reached out and took Bo’s hand with it, mindful of the IV taped into his arm.   I nodded at Rene, who began tapping out a rhythm on one of the hospital tables.   I missed my Great Grandfather’s drum, but it would have to do.   I moderated my breathing and focused in on myself.

For a moment, I thought nothing would happen, that perhaps a painkiller or something would prevent me from accessing the Lowerworld, but eventually I felt myself sliding out of myself and down the pipes, through them and into the soil, into the Earth, and the etheric realm.

A great roar grew until my motion came to a stop and I felt myself rise to a watery surface.   Opening my eyes, a great waterfall fell toward the pool where I rested, tapering off into the distance through the spray of mist.   I closed my eyes again and smiled, feeling the mist condense and roll down my face.

So good to be back…

Rolling over onto my stomach I shifted smoothly into Wolf, just like I did in my dreams; like changing a thought and form followed.   I was happy; the pack killer was dead and now we were on our way to recover one that almost lost to us as well.   I paddled over to the side of the pool and got out, shaking myself off in a miniature spray like the waterfall crash.   Putting my nose down to the moist tannic soil and underbrush I started scenting, lifting my muzzle into the air to cast about for the scent that I hunted, seeking it with all my will.   A hissing breeze swayed through the upper canopy, and with it… There!

I took off down the river and then away up the hillside leading down to it.   I flew over the ground, and past other animals that bore little to no scent.   There was something stinky here; something that smelled like Human; and it was that which I sought.   I ran further and further uphill, my tongue lolling out the side of my mouth as I panted and fought, my shoulder aching a little, but the knife wound nonexistent.   Silver bullets…   Spiritually charged metals…

Up I went until the massive trees of the waterline thinned out into sagebrush and the scent of Human grew along with another fainter scent; fur.   Finally, panting, I came upon a path of worn dirt that curled around a large rock on the side of the hill I’d just mounted.   Shifting back into human form, I willed clothes to appear around myself more for his benefit than mine, and started walking down the trail.   I was still breathing heavily when I came around the corner and saw Bo sitting there on a rock, looking out over the breathtaking valley with one hand absently rubbing the ears of a dark grey wolf with bold black markings and a broad (for a wolf) chest.   I didn’t have to be told to know what it meant.

I walked up and sat down beside him on the ground, looking out over the forest with him.   Out over the treetops a broad eagle soared smoothly in slow circles, while all around us the air was filled with birdsong; chirps and warbles of a Meadow Lark, the rapid thrumming of a Woodpecker, and the deep, throaty, and eerily human voice of a Raven nearby.   The sun shone brightly just behind us, bathing us both in a warm golden aura.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Bo asked absently, still stroking his spirit animal and staring out into space.

“They both are.” I replied, nodding at his wolf, and then back out at the expanse.

He sighed and closed his eyes; “I’m guessing this means we’re both dead then?”

“Not quite…” I muttered as I watched him.

“No?” he turned at looked at me for the first time, his wolf doing so as well.

“If you want to live, you still have a chance.   You’re body is still alive, I can try to take you back to it if you like.”

Bo laughed gently, and looked back out across the valley. “You know, I always thought the heaven with clouds and little harp-playing angels was crap.   I always thought it made little sense in relation to God and the things he created.   So when I followed the light here; I thought this was it.   I’d never imagined heaven to be this beautiful, this… perfect…”

“When did you meet him?” I asked, nodding over to his wolf, who turned his head and grinned at me like only a wolf could do, tongue lolling out with his ears halfcocked as Bo scratched a good spot behind one.

“That’s the funny part, he was here with me the whole time.   I don’t remember meeting him anywhere, he was just sorta with me already.”

“He’s you, Bo, he’s part of your soul that you didn’t let it.”

“Yeah, makes sense.   It would’ve made more sense if you’d told me more about all this stuff.” He chided me, still smiling.

“Well, I was getting around to it.   Not my fault we were attacked and shot before I could tell you more.”

“But you never really trusted me.   Not enough to tell me the whole truth; you are one, aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry Bo, but I didn’t know who murdered Fen yet, so I couldn’t trust anybody.   I even started to suspect Geri…”

“It was Jack, wasn’t it…” He asked softly, sympathy in his eyes.

“Yeah…” I took a deep breath, willing down my emotions, “But you wanna know what the real bitch about it is?   He was trying to kill me, wanted to kill me the whole time… Fen just got in the way, like you…”

Bo was silent for a moment, “Is he gone now?”

“Yes…”

Bo sighed and looked down at his feet, “Did you do it?”

“Yes…”

“Good.   Mad dogs need to be put down.” Bo’s wolf sensed his agitation, and looked up at him, whining softly, and rubbed his head against Bo’s side.   Finally he lifted his head back up and smiled at me cleverly “So… Have I earned your trust yet?”

“Maybe…” I grinned at him, teasing. 

“I want to go back…   But I don’t want to leave him either, now that I’ve finally found him…” He resumed rubbing his wolf’s ears, smiling with true happiness.

“So bring him back with you.”

“Can I do that?” He asked surprised.

“Yes, but there are consequences.   Are you really ready to become whole?   You’ve always been fascinated by werewolves, because you had a wolf deep inside you.   If you fully embrace it, you will become like me.   And then there’s no going back.”

He thought for a moment, “Yes.   I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now; and this is what I really want…”

I smiled happily and stood up.   “Good, let’s go.   Oh, and just a warning; it’s going to hurt like a bitch, and I’m not even capable of expressing the joys of catheters and tracheal tube removals.” I teased.

“Oh goodie…” he moaned.

“It’s not going to be easy for a while, but I’ll be with you and so will Loki.   We’re a pack now right?”

“Right.” He smiled and held out his fist.   I hit my knuckles to his and turned to guide him back to the pool.   His wolf however whimpered in fear, and lingered behind.   “Jimmy, I’m not going without him.”

Just then a shadow moved on the silhouette of the boulder, I turned and there She was, her pure white coat shimmering golden in the sunshine like a fiery halo.

“We’ll be all right Bo, our guardian’s here to help us…” She hopped down from the rock and approached Bo’s wolf, which cowered uncertainly.   She sniffed noses with him, and rubbed her flank along his, then turned toward the path and looked behind her at him, waiting for him.

“Bo, you like to run right?”

“Yeah, why?” He asked.

“Because you’ll need to soon…” and I shifted into my wolf form to greet Bo’s wolf.   He stood taller than me in the shoulder, but he lowered himself in difference to me.   I licked his muzzle and then jumped back, splaying my paws out and lowering my torso.   Grinning a huge wolfy smile, I invited him to play.   He was reluctant at first, but after repeated invitations I finally got him moving.   Once he committed to move, we romped for a while Bo watched and laughed.   The Great Wolf Spirit changed to her human visage and whispered something to Bo, who smiled at her and then started running down the hill toward us.

Bo’s wolf and I started chasing him and then ran with him as the wind flowed freely through our coats, She caught up to us easily so the four of us ran back the way I’d come earlier.   Running freely and happy, all of us laughing in our own ways, we arrived back at the pool below the impossibly high waterfall.   I shifted back into human form, and looked at Lupa smiling, “Thank you, for saving my life…”

She smiled back, “My warrior wolf, this battle is over but the war of life still remains ahead of you.   At least now you have a good Beta, a strong knight by your side.   And I’ll always be with you in my way.”

I closed my eyes and bowed to her respectfully, and then waded waist-deep into the water.   Bo followed me, but his wolf stayed hesitantly on shore whining.   Lupa nudged him, but still, the unknown unnerved him.   He sensed that something was about to change in a very big way, but he didn’t know what or how.

“Bo, guide him into the water and hold him to you.”

Bo went up to him and held out his hands for him to come.   They were both still a moment, Bo staring off into space, “He told me to put my hand in his mouth.” He said puzzled.

“Then do it, he just needs some reassurance.”

“But what if he bites me?”

“Bo, he is you.   He’s just afraid and that’s how you can reassure him to come with you.”

Reluctantly, Bo held out his hand and his wolf wrapped his jaws around Bo’s wrist.   Then, wrist in mouth, they both walked into the water until his wolf could no longer touch bottom and started to doggy paddle.   They swam toward me, and as they reached the middle of the pool, I took hold of Bo’s left hand with my right, my good hand in the middle world.   “Now hold him close to you and don’t let either of us go, got it?”   He nodded while treading water, and I just closed my eyes and let myself float reaching out to the tempo of the drum echoing up from the bottom of the pool.   “Bo, one more thing.   Relax…” he stopped kicking and let himself float.   Only then we sank below the surface, the sunlight on the water’s surface casting rippled shadows over my closed eyes and then we were flying back up through the soil, the pipes and back into my aching, heavy body in Bo’s hospital room.

I could feel them inside me, not as two forms, but as a single egg of vapour lodged like a weight in my chest.   I summoned Wolf and my shifting energy and focused on it as I lifted Bo’s hand; careful not to let his parents see my eyes, which had surely changed color.   “Remember, don’t interrupt, I’m not hurting him…” I re-warned everyone in the room, and then placed his hand in my mouth, biting down onto the yielding flesh of his palm.   My teeth sharpened just enough to break the skin the slightest bit, and when I tasted the copper tang of his blood I pushed.   I shoved my shifting energy into Bo’s inert body, and with the flow I pushed out that pressure that was his spirit inside me.   The weight lifted from inside my chest, and I just sat back in my wheelchair, feeling truly exhausted for the first time since waking.

Suddenly a hand had me by the front of my hospital gown, shaking me roughly and flooding my brain with agony.   All I could do was gasp in pain as Bo’s father shook me, yelling and threatening.   Rene and the nurse quickly grabbed his hands and removed them from me, yelling back at him.   It all seemed muffled and far away.   I clenched my eyes shut a moment a focused through the pain, willing it down, just in time to hear the heart monitor pick up speed and intensity.

The fight stopped, everyone looked over at Bo.   I slumped forward with exhaustion, breathing hard, but turned my head to look at him as his un-bruised eyelid twitched and then opened.    The only sound for a moment was the clicking, wheezing, and beeping of machines, and then Bo’s mother let out a keening sound that was the joyous version of despair and lurched for his hand.

Loki pushed herself over to me, and I took her hand while we watched a family that had been crushed by despair, be crushed all over again by hope instead.   After his parents settled down a bit, Bo reached for me, smiling with red tearful eyes.   I let go of Loki for a moment and took his hand.   A familiar tingle teased at the nerve endings of my fingers as he squeezed my hand, a silent ‘thank you’ in his eyes.   He let go of me and reached out for Loki, and at his touch Loki gasped softly and looked up at him, then over at me and I just smiled.   She smiled too and then let him take his hand back.

She pushed her chair back next to me and I whispered low enough that only she, and perhaps now Bo, could hear.   “In the spring everything starts over…   I’d like you to meet our new Beta…” We smiled at each other and hugged as much as our wounds and chairs would allow, then we kissed long and deep.

Like Lupa had said, the battle was over, but the war was just beginning.   There would be more challenges and pitfalls, new joys and anguishes; but we would survive through all of them.   We would endure.  

To be Wolf, is to survive…

And we would…   Loki and I, and now Bo too.   We would all walk Wolf Road together, down the path of life destined for us.  

And no matter what, we would survive…