There are a few things in life a person just can't control, certain diseases, accidents, dreams... ...things of that manner... ...Iuno, lately Ive had the same types of dreams, it's nothing bad but not really all that good, Ive always made a big deal of my dreams but this time.. ...this time I'd rather not, somethings are better left alone, like my 7th grade teacher once told me "the shit didnt stank until someone moved it",lol... ...Subliminal shit, my friend told me earlier that dreams are indirect messages, from who? lol, myself? why the hell don't I just say this shit to myself in the first place!? Im wanting to look at dreams as a way to keep myself entertained while asleep, lol... ...Indirect messages :/ sigh... ...Once again, I can't sleep, once again Im up all night on this computer, reading, social networking, eating, drinking from time to time... ...I don't know whats bringin' this upon me... ...I cant wait to hate* staying up all night to the point I can just fall asleep at 9pm, it seems as though I just go round for round* with mind... ...Ive grown in so many ways within the last year... ...learned so much about myself, patience, tolerance, acceptance, and alot of those good things,lol... ...feels as though this year was a bad year but whatever didnt kill me only made me smarter, wiser, prepared me to handle the next challenge with confidence, or the last failed one again... ..the right way....
Sometimes I can take things the wrong way, I could hear something or read soemthing that I would totally take out of context (did I use that the right way?) Ive always been a firm believer in thinking before I speak, so many times I failed to live by my own principals and it has inhured alot of the things in life that Ive so much worked on, I've learned to keep up with myself, though from time to time I can be an asshole,lol, Ive learned to keep up with myself. Sometimes I like to to sit and recap on the year and years passed, I like to remember all the wrong Ive done, all the good Ive done, people in my life, things Ive said, places Ive been, smiles, cries, lonely times, and better days, I only have to be thankful for the lessons they have all taught me, but from time to time it still brings up a little pain like a broken bone from child hood tapped just right, one simple thought'll spawn a chain of memories that bring a smile but end with a small frown, or vice versa... ...I know alot of people say they have no regrets in life, me being one of them, but I lie, I can recall saying numerous times "I wish I wouldve" or "I shouldnt have" or"I couldve", and to me that's a regret... ...But at the same time even if you regret when it seems like it might be just in time its been too late,iuno, not trying to be deep just trying to open up a bit, it's been a while since....
The end of the year is coming and I, for some reason, am getting that "christmassie" spirit, hmm, lol, holidays, cool weather, birthdays... ...its all here :/ (theres a pink foam fan on
woot.com for the woot off,lol) So the cold came rather early this year, compared to passed years that is, time to get some new hoodies and what not... ...I've reached my ending point... ...just trying to say something but I didnt know how to deliver the message, it's like a song I heard earlier say "sorry the frustrations got me feeling awake and I just keep having one last thing to say"...