Yesterday, I got a visit from an old friend, someone I hadn't expected to see in a long time and we got to talking about the past and about a lot of things. It made me very nostalgic. At one point, we were talking about someone who is no longer with us, someone whose life was tragically cut just when they were ready to start a new life and it hurt to know that there were still so many things that I didn't know about her and that I never will know. There are so many unanswered questions that I have no idea who to turn to and ask. Thinking about those questions made me realize that there are so many questions I want to ask those that are living yet am too afraid of either hearing their answers or of the reaction I'll get.

Will they walk away when I ask them to stay?
Will they laugh if I tell them how I feel? Or will they simply smile and nod and act like things are ok yet inside, they're wishing I'd disappear?
Will they think I'm crazy for feeling or thinking what I do?
Are they over it?
Are they thinking about something else when I'm asking them something?

I don't know, all this has put me in a thinking mood and I don't know who to turn to with a lot of the questions I have. I'm finding that I have all these expectations in my head that just arent working out, or that just aren't living up to what they should be.

Today a great weight was lifted off my shoulders yet, I still don't feel content or happy, I still find myself even when I'm with those I love, even when I'm laughing and smilling, I'm still not all there.

I dk wtf is up or why I'm rambling, guess I just needed to let it out. Thanks for reading.