It's the ungodly hour of 6 a.m., my alarm makes some shrieking noise that means get up you stupid cunt! Horrible, but it means TODAY IS THE DAY. So onward we go! Off to Manchester Airport, armed with my 3 compadre's in UK Psy~Core. We arrive at the terminal, check in, then head fer the food n duty free/bar. Our plane is delayed an hour or more due to some medical emergency or something. Brilliant, we have a conecting flight to catch so delays we don't need! The boredom is eased a bit when we spot Helen Worth (GAIL TILSLEY off Coronation Street! Don't ask why I know that, I don't even know myself......), snearing at us plebs from the fancy pants area upstairs! Who cares, we have CHINS! Some of us more than one each! We win! 
Eventually we get on board the plane nearly 90 minutes behind shedule, I hope it's not a pattern developing fer the tour! Tho' most likely it is! Still, WE HAVE CHINS THO'!!!! ; )
We take off and the trolley dolley, ( well, boiler to be fair. Standards have slipped it seems!), informs me that "..actually sir the beer is $6's or £4's a can!!!!!!!"   What the fuck? The booze used to be fer free! "Those were the glory days weren't they sir?....."   Too fuckin' right! I got a coffee fer nowt and grumbled freely! Bugger!
Hours pass by, books get read, crap food is consumed, you know the deal. Eventually we land in Chicago and navigate the horrors of IMMIGRATION!!!!!
 "So, are you a musician sir?........." Eh? er, no, I mean,....... why do you think that?
"What do you do for a living sir?"
A bar manager.....
"A BOMB MAKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Eh, no, NO! Fuck me, no, a BAR MANAGER!!!!!!
lmao! Fucking genius, you couldn't make it up! I think the bloke was a frustrated comic, but it was still great to see our entrepid 4 stringer shit his pants! lol So eventually through customs we go, and WE ARE IN!!!!!! The team celebrate with a brace of cancer sticks and make me wait fer that all important first AMERICAN BEER!!!!! It tasted great when it came tho, along with a slice of Chi' Town Pizza! Hurrah!
Then it's onto plane number 2 and PHOENIX here we come! Over deserts we fly and eventually hit the dirt n heat of Arizona. We're met at the gate by a pair of SEA LEGS armed with bits of paper bearing the legendary "PSY" and "CORE" like something out of AIRPLANE II - The DOYLEMS HAVE LANDED! ; ) It's been 18 months since we saw those 2 clowns, but we missed 'em! WE ARE OFFICIALLY ON OUR FIRST WEST COAST TOUR and it feels great!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah, it's hot as balls in Phoenix it turns out! Jesus wept!
We drop off our cases and hit a bar pronto style! It's hot and we're dehydrating! So booze is top priority! Give us booze!
The SEA LEGS are playin' at the BLOOZE BAR in their hometown, of Phoenix. So we head there after a few snifters of cider, Broon and PBR (the first of MANY!). The place seems cool, a mix of Psycho's, punx, drunx n bikers. With a good line in custom bikes n cars floatin around the car park. We could've played a few songs, but we're knackered and the crowd seems to be mostly trad Rockabilly types. Not our crowd so descretion won out. Big Neil does his famous "set fire to myself" trick and nearly torches his beard by accident! Class, it's begun then!
Day 1 ends after 36 odd hours, back at our buddies house with more booze and a kip on the floor! Tomorrow we play our first show, in San Diego, it's a 6 hour drive or more. Deep joy..........
More later............  
So it's later and here's some more......
Several hundred miles to San Diego driver. Fenence!.....
So we drive through TATTOINE, as in the place LUKE SKYWALKER's from in the original George Lucas space epic! Awesome scenery! Lots of "beach with the tide gone right out" type views! We stop at some one donkey town near Yuma (no really it is a place!!!!!!!), and while ordering a burger n fries I get the "so um.... are guys a band?"...... Fuckin' hell, the local population then gather and take pictures and want autographs, (of a band they've never fucking heard of, who they won't like when they look on you tube!...), but they still want pictures taken with us! Much to the hilarity of Scott "TOUR MANAGE THIS" KNEES-UP! The git!.... At least we brightened up their drab little Friday existence up! Smart.......
Arrived at O'Connel's in San Diego after dark. 'Place seemed pretty cool, but the LED ZEP cover band on stage didn't fill us with glee! Still we hear that there's a split gig deal goin' on and the early show finishes soon. So we eventually get to load in and see our boys STITCH HOPELESS AND THE SEA LEGS give it some! Blinding!  We rock out on our kindly loaned gear and struggle through a not quite perfect set! We think it's a train wreck, the crowd think differently.... Ho hum. The support is appreciated, but we can do better!  It's worse fer me, coz my old and very good friend Brenda Van' has travelled to see us n me, and I feel crap that I've let her down....... It was still great to travel 6000 miles and still see a very familiar face tho! But we made some new friends ( hey there RAT CITY RIOT!) and we'll rip it next time! The promoter fer this shindig gets a mention fer FUCKING OFF WITHOUT PAYING ANYBODY!!!!!!!! CUNT! They have them in America too? How shocking! lol At least the beers were cheap! (In our fucking van they were..........wey hey!), I'll not mention one of our team SHITTING THEMSELVES LITTERALLY ON STAGE DURING OUR SET! Musta been the ex-shite-ment of it all!!!!!! lmao!!!! The view of their speedo/briefs complete with shit stain tad pole will scar my retinas fer years to come! AWFUL...........

 


So gig number 2 then please......... The DIVE BAR in Las Vegas, in a part of town that the tourist board recomends YOU DON'T GO TO!!!! Just our kinda joint then! It is a dive and no mistake, complete with SUICIDE GIRL barmaid!, but the sound guy is class! A 60 odd year old Brummy who worked with Bonzo Bonham and Percy Plant no less! Very smart geeza and good at his stuff too! The gig goes great under his stewardship, and we get our first taste of FROM HELL.... (from Tucson!) who rip it up in fine D Beat/SEIGE style!

 

They also have our bro' Ed from Demon City Wreckers/Desolate Graves on git/vox! We love 'em instantly, and the 20 minute set is way too short! Just before 'em is a local Psychobilly mob with a cool as fuck lady double bass wrangler! Very good shit from them, I fergot the name tho'! Damn.... They are called Rob 'Em Blind! (I just went off to find out!)....
 
 

Then we get our go and........BOOM!!!!!!!!! A bit of fuckin' about with the gear and we're 90% there! Much better and we get our tour buddies rocking out with the locals! Mucho relief, and very happy to say a more typical KEYSIDE STRIKE set! Now Ed sees why I was so fed up last night! I still want our fuckin' tea back tho'! The SEA LEGS then attack the place with their usual Street Psycho' assault! Great night! Even the coke'd up local with a gun in his strides aint spoilin' the gig! Muppet that he is! Again we make some good friends who we'll see again, we're back in 'Vegas next week, so it'll be soon!

 

We had a walk around the old strip and witnessed the mad light show fer B.O.C.'s DON'T FEAR THE REAPER! Don't go there on acid you'll fuckin' melt yer brain! The From Hell.... boys and  Belts'um go off walking later on and end up in a real shitty part of town after walking fer hours! Taxi back el pronto stylee! They gave Mortal a siezure with some porno business cards too! Apparently he thought they were beetles! He "doesn't like beetles!"....... even cardboard ones with pictures of latex tits and bikini bottoms on!!!!!!!! Weird lad! Tomora it's "goin' back to Cali'..." time! La La Land as they say! It can only get better..... 
So after another eventful drive, (some weirdo lass, waving her "anal love beads at us fer 20 miles! Including a session of her lickin' and sucking the damn things! Why we had no clue But it seemed to make her happy....wtf?)! We hit Lomita early and decided that we'd drop the gear off and checkout Redondo Beach, a couple of miles away. Nice place tho' some wanker decided to "salute" me coz I had my Dropkick Murphys shirt on with SKINHEAD on the back! News flash! SKINHEAD is not ARIAN NATION! What a cunt! I shouted as much at the fuck wit too! 
So back to the gig after Ed n the boys had posed fer goofy pics..and we assured Greenpeace that Neil wasn't a Sperm Whale stranded on the sands! lol
Ricky Gene's is smart little spot, bit rough n ready, but cool enough and our old buddy Elvis from LEFT ALONE (Hellcat Recs) books their punk gigs. We were competing with their annual Chilli cook off tho'! (Just like on the Simpsons!!!) , so we had to be really good!!!! He said he made sure he was in town fer our gig too! Very nice geezer, who insisted I down a ton of shots with him! Lovely! Gig went pretty good, lots a new friends and I fell on me arse fuckin' about durin' an equipment issue! Ho hum! Best bit fer me was my old buddy Antho' comin' up from O.C. to see us! I aint seen him in 10 years and it was fucking great to catch up! (Even if he is a rabid RED GLORY HUNTER!!!! He knows no better! lol) One of the bands on the bill MARGATE from New Jersey, didn't know about us and said they were "all the way from England!". We took the piss somewhat! Mind you, anyone from "SOUTH NEW YORK" (read LANDFILL!) ,is gonna keep it quiet I s'pose! I kid.... Then it's onwards to Nor' Cal and San Jose...
 

We are now on a proper tourin' rollercaster! Day number 5 and San Jose's very fine STREET LIGHT Records plays host to us! It was a long drive to get here, but the store is massive! There's tons of great stuff from ancient 'Metal pic discs by the likes of Iron Maiden! (Go Johnny! tho' it a re-press or I'd a been more pissed off mesen!), to Misfits bootlegs ( go ME!) and all points in between! We set up in a corner on a purpose buit mini stage in the store. We played under an AC/DC poster and Pulp Fiction too I think. Brilliant.......... 
The owner warned that there might not be many there, but we got discount on everything in store so who cares??? lol From Hell.... did a storming set again, (depite finding Ed's Gibson SG broken at the neck in the trailer!), and we followed up with a rip roarin' run through.  Along with a re-work of OLD SCHOOL fer Scott! "Read a book, read a book, read god damn book!"...... In jokes are now in full swing! Plus Mr T being locked in our GPS is constantly hilarious to us! "Yo' cracker! Take a right! Don't disobey me fool! Don't make me jump outa this machine, coz i will.......!" (One punter in store might not have seen the funny side according to some on site, But I'm sure he was laughin'! He was big enough to say if not, coz he looked like Mr T's BIGGER brother to me! lol)  Then our boys the SEA LEGS closed the thing with another blindin' set o' tunes! Both us n them did our versions of Knives, and Ed is now considerin' adding a FROM HELL.... version n making it the PSY-CORE ON TOUR ANTHEM!!!!! ; )
We hit a local Pizza place fer a slap up scran, grab some supplies from Walmart and then we're off! The Sea Legs are off to Santa Craz with a buddy, but we head off towards Prescott coz it's a LONG drive and it'll help fer tomorra! We finally stop late at night in god knows where, and our hotel has a vast collection of spiders on every outside light! Ed tells us to keep clear, coz "they aint recluses who'll FUCK YOU UP BAD, but they aint too friendly either.".. Fantastic then! Beers n bed it is!
Then day 6 and our day off will invole alot of driving to Prescott, deep in the ARIZONA mountains. Awesome scenery on the way tho. As it gets dark we stopped fer emergency, at the side of the road pisses and the view of the star lit sky was UNBELIEVEABLE!!!!! I have never seen anything quite like it! Not very punk rock, but, it was TOTALLY BREATH TAKING!!!!.........
We get situated at our hotel in Prescott, then head out to a very cool little Italian place that Scott's been to before. Owner run, seats about 30 people tops, and has the finest Italian food on earth! EVEN THE FUCKING SALAD WAS GREAT! Mortal actually ate some!!!!!! 100% true!!!! Then we hit the sights n sounds of downtown Prescott!!!! It's best that details are sketchy at this point....... But there was car bombs (drinks), Jeager bombs (more drinks), PBR's in abundance, (puking!....), more PBR's, kareoke' (OMG!!!!! Funniest stuff in the world!), CIDER (HOORAY!), walking through and out of the bar in boxer's (Good enough fer Jason? hell yes then!), a truly momentous night of wild debauchery! Setting up nicely fer SUNDANCES the next day! That was the scene of half the depravity and the locals were enthralled at the prospect of us actually surviving our drinking never mind a gig! Scott got hammered with us fer once too! We even got pulled over on the drive back to the hotel! 35 minutes of being quized due to buggered headlight!! Fuckin' shit a brick!!!!! We can laugh now, but at the time? Nah.not so much!
Up earliish next day fer some very hearty, and much needed breakfast!  But what's this? One of the crew is FAR TOO HUNGOVER TO EAT!!!!!!! Bah n humbug! ha ha! We gather the troops up and head out for some proper tourism! The GRAND CANYON becons!! After a medium length drive we get parked and walk through the treeline to THE GRAND FUCKING CANYON!! It does what it sez on the box that place! Mortal was heard to wheeze "It's very impressive. But I'm fuckin' shit scared of heights!".  He hit a very odd shade of purple and looked, fer all the world like he was gonna expire!... Truly an awe inspiring sight. Mortal himself and the Canyon aswell fer that matter! So, tourism over it's back to Prescott and Sundances fer our aural assault! (Not the only kind on offer tonight!!)....
It's decided that the SEA LEGS will go on first tonight and they rip it up! One of their best sets ever I thought! The trailer park crew that turn out fer the gig loved 'em too! lol Then it's our turn, and we're now in full on tour mode! So we "mek 'em have big style"..  Had a total blast and went down great! Despite Jonny Sea leg and others tryin' to drown me mid verse on Gone for Good! Funny tho'! Had the whole place rockin' by the end of our set. Kids Are United always go down well, but it seemed that bit wilder tonight! Fuckin' brilliant! The FROM HELL.... boys then blast us with their 20 minutes of D-Beat! Again with added DEVILOCK sung by yer trusty Stoney Strike! Well it's no brainer that I'll sing a MISFITS track aint it? We did it in Lomita too, but it was more organised tonight! A blinding end to the set, when George made his drum kit litterally EXPLODE!! There was a minor altercation at the end of the gig, but the arsehole who started it, was definately not the victor. Since the only injury seemed to be his kidneys which I have no doubt will be causing him grief for some time to come! Wanker.... That is how we do it, he seemed a bit confused by the lack of Marquis Of Queensbury Rules! Berk! So off to the hotel fer a celebratory drink or 2 then! No police issues tonight, but we did see our freindly officer stoppin' some other car load at the same spot! lol Tomorrow is back to 'Vegas, can't wait!!!!