Thursday ThirstQuencher

November 6th, 2008

"The words of gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts."

-Proverbs 18:8

I was "that girl" in high school.  The popular one who became popular by pretending to be your best friend and then running back to the pack with all the juicy details of every aspect of your life.  I was the gossip girl.  It was rooted in my own insecurity.  I had a desperate need to be needed.  I wanted to be well-liked and being the elite team's number one spy monger fulfilled my need.  There are many reasons that I am grateful that I am not in high school anymore.  This is just one of them.  Thankfully I left that behavior behind along with the 70s revival thing that I did for awhile in the 10th grade.  I learned how to be a good friend by experiencing the gift of good friends in my own life and modeling thier behavior.  And I learned the hard way how much it can hurt when you are the subject of the gossip, rather than the spreader of the gossip.

These days church seems alot like high school to me.  Friend after friend has popped up lately telling me that they have been hurt because this person talked poorly about them or said something untrue regarding them.  I have also experienced this for myself.  Someone within my church, whom I cared very deeply for, said hurtful and hateful things about me that were not true, simply because she didn't get her way when she asked me to do something that I was unwilling to do.  My reaction was to want to run away and leave the church that I love.  I wanted to be far removed from the situation, even if that meant hurting myself further by no longer attending the church that I was called to.  I was willing to risk walking in disobedience just avoid the drama of gossip.  It took a trusted friend to be honest with me and to call me on the fact that I was sacrificing obedience for the desire of smooth sailing. 

Dr. Dale A Robbins has said this, "Mean, vicious accusations and rumors have ripped out the heart and soul of many fellow Christians and leaders, draining them of thier love, enthusiasm and thier desire to live for God.  It has split churches, created strife, and promoted division and turmoil.  'Without wood a fire goes out, without gossip a quarrel dies down' (Proverbs 26:22).  Sadly, some have said that "the church" is the only army that kills it's wounded.  Regrettably, this has sometimes been true.  Brothers who have needed our love, forgiveness, and encouragement, have been mutilated by gossip and evil talk.  Is it no wonder that gossip is equal to murder?"

This topic was not my intended topic for this week.  I had something else planned out, and I am sure that it could have been more eloquently written, but I had a good friend within my church family come to me last night and tell me that she was considering leaving our congregation because she had been hurt by the gossip machine.  As I prayed for her last night, I began to flip through my Bible curious to see what it has to say about gossip. 

Consider this passage from Romans:

"They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity.  They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice.  They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil.  They disobey thier parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.  Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these things but also approve of those who practice them."  Paul says that gossipers and those who tolerate thier gossip are on the same level with murders, perverts and blasphemers.  And that the deed deserves a punishment of death.  But this doesn't stop those who struggle with this temptation.  The tempting is strong enough that we forge headlong, unaware of the damage that we do to ourselves, others, and the relationships around us.  Gossip breaks hearts, kills trust, and assassinates the character of both individuals...the target and the triggerman.

In the original Greek, the word slander is derived from the word devil.  How perfectly fitting.  In Revelation 12:10 Satan is called "the accuser of the brethren."  Slander is of the devil and those who prosper slander are doing his work.  Satan will use anything he can to get a hold on us and hinder our walk with Jesus, including using the very words of our mouth to attack fellow believers.

Paul goes on to warn about the destructive power of gossip and the condemnation that comes to "gossips and busybodies" who say "things they ought not to" in 1 Timothy 5:13.  How many times have I said something that I "ought not to"?  More often than I would care to admit.  And every single time, I immediately get that sinking "Should I have said that?" feeling.  Let's call that what it is...that is the Holy Spirit prompting us to respond to our sin.

So what do we do about it?  The Bible is clear there too.

I was exceptionally flattered recently when a friend told me that I "seem like such a positive outlook person" to her.  I certainly don't feel that way, and I certainly don't believe others perceive me this way, but this is something that I have worked hard on...finding the good when it is all tangled and wrapped up in the bad.  This is what I try to do when someone comes to me with sugar-coated gossip.  Remember what Paul said about those who tolerate gossip?  That they are just as bad as the one who is doing the gossipping.  1 Timothy 5:22 says, "Do not share in the sins of others.  Keep yourselves pure."  Stop gossip in it's tracks.  Refuse to be a party to the negativity and attempt to turn the conversation for the positive. 

Thumper had it right all along!  "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!"  Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to thier need, that it may benefit those who listen."  Take the high road and be an encourager, not a naysayer.

If you have been the gossiper, as I have, confess this sin and ask for fogiveness.  He is faithful to forgive us when we call on Him.  (1 John 1:9).  Turn a new direction and surrender your tongue to Jesus.  He has the power to save you, He certainly has the power to tame your tongue!

If you have been hurt by gossip, pray for the ability to forgive the person that hurt you.  And then pray for that person directly that God would lead them to a place of brokenness and repentance.  The next time that you are in a situation where you have the opportunity to say slanderous things against someone else, remember how it hurt when you were the one who was slandered and allow that, if nothing else, to be your motivator to stop the conversation in it's tracks. 

This week my goal is strive to be as David and I encourage you to follow his lead as well.  "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence."  (Psalm 39:1).